Toyota Camry- We never feel kinky.
Corvette- I’m a balding middle aged man, undergoing a mid life crisis, who wears loud Hawaiian shirts despite living on the East Coast.
BMW- I don’t know what turn signals are for.
Ford Expedition/GMC Yukon/GMC Suburban/Chevy Tahoe- I’m a 90 pound housewife who drives two kids to soccer practice in the suburbs and never go off road.
See also: Infiniti: Turn signals are an option on this model.
Buick and Cadillac - “I’m too damn old and well off not to have the right of way and if by some chance I was wrong there would be a flashing light or the sexputer on the dash to let me know. So get the hell out of my way.”
Smart Car: I have no friends and nowhere to go
SAAB: all my furniture is from IKEA
I actually carpooled for a while with some folks in a buddy’s Saturn. No joke, we would entertain ourselves pushing and pressing on various panels and dashes to manipulate all of the squeaks and rattles. We did try to compose music :D. Annoyed my buddy to no end, which of course made us try even harder. “Wait, was that ZZ Top? I think I’ve found ‘La Grange’!”
Kia: I’m too cheap, poor, or stupid to buy an actual quality Asian car make such as Toyota or Honda
Buick or Oldsmobile: I am 85 years old or inherited this car from someone who was
Lincoln or Mercury SUV: I can’t afford a Range Rover
Cadillac Escalade: I’m a pimp, a drug dealer, or a soccer mom who can’t park worth a damn
Chevy Suburban, GMC Yukon, or similar: I am a drooling idiot who couldn’t be arsed to research the purchase of an actually decent SUV and who packs for a trip to the neighborhood pool like I’m moving to Guam because I HAVE LOTS OF THINGS AND NEED SPACE
Porsche Cayenne: I wanted to own a Porsche at all costs and couldn’t be bothered at all by the fact that this particular Porsche is absolutely hideous, look at the badge on the back! I have a Porsche!
BMW: I’m a social climbing asshole who thinks it’s a badge of honor to pay triple digits for oil changes
Honda Civic: This car is stolen
Toyota Prius: I like to drive slowly in the left lane.
Any unusually loud motorcycle: owner is a douchebag.
Oh wait that’s another thread!
You’re not kidding. That thing is almost as ugly as the Asstek.
Subaru Outback (green): I am a native Coloradan.
Buick Le Sabre: I am over 60 and voted for Romney. The problem with the world is those kids with their saggy pants and hippity-hop music.
Nissan Cube: I play the bassoon and carry a tote bag that says “Music Is My Bag.”
New Mini in the US: quirky/sporty car, hipster, poser
New Mini in the UK: middle-aged hair dresser or female estate agent.