MB - I don’t know how half this shit works but you’d be driving this too if you could afford it.
Audi - I’m a dick and I don’t care who knows it.
BMW - I may be a dick but my car wasn’t designed in an anime studio.
Jaguar - 'Eff ze Germans. We won the war.
Lexus - Toyota who?
Infinity - Datsun who?
Acura - You say Honda like it’s a bad thing.
Hyundai - Just as good as Honda.
Kia - My retired dad drives a Hyundai.
Ford - If I squint, and lie to myself, I think I’m in an Aston Martin.
GM - I was told the parts would be cheap and anyone can fix it for nothing.
Dodge - I’ve given up.
I can go on but you get the idea… 
Landrover: My husband may be old and ugly, but he is very, very rich.
Nissan Cube: I secretly want to be assimilated by the Borg.
Scion xB: See above.
Hummer (any model): You say “Global Warming” like it’s a bad thing.
Toyota Prius: I’m green and I really like technology.
Mercury - I was going to get the Ford, but then I found a $10 bill on the ground outside the dealership and decided it was a sign.
Hummer (any model): It was this or penis enlargement surgery and I hate hospitals.
Cadillac: I still think this is 1963 when the brand meant something.
Minivan-Driving this has not affected my cool factor one bit.
Odyssey - sensible mundane with kids.
Volvo SUV - sensible upscale mundane living in a bad weather zone.
Classic Mustang - hanging on to a past they can’t believe is gone.
Cobra - Hell’s Angel on four wheels who likes watching people grin as he drives by.
Oh… wait… those are me. The Subaru doesn’t count, it’s my daughter’s. But…
Subaru - sensible mundane who doesn’t need a Volvo nameplate to drive in a bad weather zone.
Mini Cooper: Hey, these are race cars!
Classic Mini Cooper: You’re cute when you’re wrong.
EmilyG
11
Any unusually loud car: owner is a douchebag.
I don’t get the relationship between these two.
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I always heard that it was BMW drivers, not Audi drivers, who were the assholes.
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Is the BMW comment implying that Audis are designed in an anime studio? I don’t get it.
OK buddy, as a classic mustang owner myself, I just have to say…
Nailed it.
Jeep: I like to walk.
or, I have the hots for the Tow Truck Driver.
VW - Mexico’s best German export.
VW “New” Beetle - I am a grown woman who has a cartoon character tattooed someplace visible.
The Straight Dope: People who form half-baked car opinions in 1985 and die with them intact.
Let me guess… you drive a Dodge. 
Lotus - I actually own two of these, because I’m rich and because I know one will be in the shop at any given time.
