Let's have some fun with Presidential Dollar Coins

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In this thread over in Great Debates, Dopers are discussing the US Mint’s latest effort in trying to introduce a one-dollar coin in the United States. Gadarene mentions the following:

There are a few not-quite-serious comments in that thread about various presidents, and these got me thinking: what could we say about dollar coins featuring various presidents? A few examples came immediately to mind:

– The President Ford dollar: Accidentally falls out of your pocket all by itself.

– The President Reagan dollar: Never been a dollar before, but was a half-dollar in California for a few years, and played a quarter in a movie back in the 1950s.

– The Woodrow Wilson dollar: This one isn’t round, but has Fourteen Points.

Get the idea? What might the other Presidential Dollar Coins be like?

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The William Henry Harrison dollar: disappears from your pocket after two weeks, to be replaced by the John Tyler dollar.

The William McKinley dollar: no matter how many of them you own, it’s always in Mark Hanna’s pocket.

The Grover Cleveland dollar: even if you try to spend it, you get it back in change.

3

The Taft Dollar is fatter than the others.

4

If asked about the Millard Fillmore dollar, it’s recommended that you say you know nothing.

Although it’s said that money talks, the Calvin Coolidge dollar is generally silent.

5

The Grover Cleveland dollar, unique among all dollar coins, can be spent on two non-consecutive occasions.

6

The JFK dollar. Easy to find in your pocket because of the hole in the middle.

7

The Teddy Roosevelt dollar that says “Bully for you!!!” every time it changes hands.

8

You won’t be able to spend the Carter dollars on porn, but strippers will specifically ask for Clinton dollars.

Civil war will break out when the Lincoln dollar is issued.

Even though the GW Bush dollar will be the one issued, more voters will have preferred the Al Gore dollar.

The Grant and Harding dollars will be horribly debased, and never know what the other coins were doing.

The Jefferson dollar will father an illegitimate nickel that’s half copper.

9

What the heck are they going to put on the backs of the coins?

[ul]
[li]GWB: The Pet Goat[/li][li]Al Gore[sup]1[/sup]: A hanging chad, a plank (since he’s stiff as a board - get it!), a lunch bag full of cash … [/li][li]Clinton: A cigar! With an image of the White Water development in the background. [/li][li]GHWB: The pair of socks he bought on Christmas to spur the economy.[/li][li]Reagan: Bonzo, or a shredder with Iran-Contra documents, or his horoscope.[/li][li]Carter: Billy Beer, Killer Rabbit, The Great Pyramids[sup]2[/sup] … [/li][li]Ford: A WIN button, the stairs from Air Force One, the door of Marine One, a ski slope … [/li][li]Nixon: Reel-to-reel tape recorder![sup]3[/sup][/li][li]LBJ: His Basset Hounds - with reallly long ears, or his appendix scar.[/li][li]JFK: All the women he slept with. It’ll look like the distaff version of the MLK “March on Washington”. Get your electron microscope and see if you can find Marilyn Monroe! [/li][li]Ike: A vicuna coat.[/li][li]Truman: (This is officially before my time!) Maybe the stamps he put on the threatening letter he sent to a music critic who trashed his daughter’s singing debut. [/li][/ul]

I’m out. Any historically minded Dopers want to pile on? (And I do mean pile on - we have had such nut cases in the White House, we can at least make some jokes at their expense.)

[sup]1[/sup]I know he didn’t win. Since the point of these commemerative coin series is to get collectors to keep as many coins out of circulattion as possible, which makes the government a profit, I figure let’s extend the series. Besides, I don’t get to make Al Gore jokes that often anymore.

[sup]2[/sup]Actually, that would be on the back of the Hamilton Jordan edition of the “Presidential Aides” half-penny. 'Cuz if presidential aides are a dime a dozen, I want to see the guy with the dimes.

[sup]3[/sup]The “Nixon Nickel” was predicted in the 1975 science fiction novel The Computer Connection by Alfred Bester.

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The Nixon dollar is not legal tender despite vehement protestations to the contrary.

11

New Hampshire residents will apologize to everyone else for the Franklin Pierce dollar.

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The Nixon dollars are all counterfeit.

The Hoover dollars are only worth ten cents.

The Andrew Johnson dollars are being recalled.

The Lincoln dollars are not accepted as currency south of Washington.

The Andrew Jackson dollars refuse to be deposited in the bank.

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Herbert Hoover dollar – currency of choice for buying chicken, cars.

Gerald Ford dollar – hard to believe it’s still in circulation.

George W. Bush dollar – virtually unlimited purchasing power (valid until January 2007).

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I must admit, this is my favorite in the whole thread. I’m so ashamed.

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These are great, folks. Keep them coming!

Carter dollar: Used for debts when the vendor says something like, “The cost? It’s peanuts!”

LBJ dollar: Will show off any scrapes or scratches it gets.

FDR dollar: Will be in circulation longer than any other dollar coin.

And, don’t put your Nixon dollar anywhere near magnetic media; the Nixon dollar will erase it.

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The Clinton dollar–you can’t keep it in your pants!
The Truman dollar–won’t circulate, because the buck stops…

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The John Quincy Adams dollar, when worn out, will recirculate as a quarter.

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The William Henry Harrison dollar will be rolled out with great fanfare, but discontinued and replaced with the John Tyler dollar in less than a month.

The Grover Cleveland dollar will be issued, discontinued, and issued again.

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Nice jokes, BrainGlutton (cough cough, post #2). :slight_smile:

The James Monroe dollar: minted in Liberia and cannot be spent in the Western Hemisphere.

The Zachary Taylor dollar: will have lots of circulation in Mexico.

The Rutherford B. Hayes dollar: cannot be spent without a run-off vote by Congress.

20

The Millard Fillmore dollar will be ideal for purchasing books of obscure trivia.

The Dwight Eisenhower dollar will rest forgotten at the bottom of your coin jar.