My daughter was at the airport on Monday, seeing off her friend.
She heard her name and turned around to see a family friend from Australia.
The friend was there with her middle son “Jake” who is 10 years old.
Their whole family was supposed to be leaving together for a trip down to Taiwan, but apparently there was a problem with Jake’s passport and they couldn’t take him.
The husband has a job interview, and apparently they decided to leave Jake with a friend here in Japan.
They called the friend, who came racing from Sapporo while the rest of the family went through security and customs. The mother was trying to stay with Jake until the friend came but she was going to have to leave Jake by himself for 20 to 30 minutes.
Just then, she happened to see my daughter and asked her to watch Jake until the friend came.
It all worked out, but what would you do if you were her?
Jake is reasonably mature for 10, but there are many kids that age who you couldn’t leave alone in an airport for even 20 minutes.
The person with an actual reason to travel - the one with the job interview - goes. Everyone else stays behind. I imagine only one of the parents -mom, in this case - can correct the passport problem, so she should be taking on that task.
I’m sure there are different cultural assumptions about what a 10 year old can and cannot handle, but I can’t imagine turning my back on my son in that situation. It sucks to lose the money, but I have to think the damage done (that the money is more important than the child) far outweighs the cost.
Poor kid.
Edit; I missed that Jake was the middle son, not only son. Mother should have stayed with him, other kids go with dad or not depending on whether there’s appropriate supervision at the destination while dad is doing the interview.
Altho’ Son-of-a-wrek flew twice, alone age 11 and 12.
I put him in his seat. The camp he attended picked him up at the other end.
A contained Airplane with the Stewardesses alerted is quite different from a moving, people filled, and fun things to explore Airport.
Yeah, no.
She could have asked Airport security for suggestions, I guess.
I’m sure there are different cultural expectations. Looking at extreme examples, I would certainly never leave a child as young as 4 to 6 years old in an airport by themselves for even 20 minutes.
I presume that my 13-year-old boy could sit by himself for 20 minutes.
I happen to know this family and think the boy is capable of waiting for 20 to 30 minutes but I have taught students that age that I wouldn’t leave them alone.
No way you leave the kid. At ten I think I would have managed but still…no way. I do not know about Japan but I bet in the US this could be considered criminal negligence towards the child.
The mom got lucky to see a trusted friend to take over. If I were the friend and it didn’t impede my travel plans I’d take care of the kid. But, even then, what happens if the other person does not show for one reason or another? Now the friend is stuck.
Ten is just too young to leave alone in a major airport. The risk is too great.
Mom needs to see her child safely home or in the hands of someone trusted and then do the best she can to catch up with her husband.
She is very independent and capable.* And I would never leave her alone as described, specifically because of her independence — she would have an inflated sense of her ability to take care of herself and make decisions, and would be at risk of getting herself in trouble.
*Her first spoken word, literally, was “self,” as in an indignant reaction to our attempt to help her with something. At just shy of 11 months, she barked “self!” at us, and she’s only gotten more fierce since.
That all sounds so sketchy. Too many what ifs. What if the adult scrambling to pick up the minor was delayed. What if the kid attracted the attention of airport personnel and was whisked off to an office while parents were paged. What if the rescuing adult was met with suspicion from airport personnel and refused to hand over the kid. What if the kid tripped on an escalator wearing his crocs and cut off his foot. What if the kid was tricked into following someone outside the airport. What if he fell asleep and no one could find him.
Same if he was in your daughter’s care. If no one showed up for hours what would she do?
I wouldn’t do it personally but I can see if you had a really good close friend, with kids your kids age, that your kid had spent tons of time hanging out with, and they were happy to keep them, it would be a reasonable solution to the problem.
What I would never do is leave with the random acquaintance when your bestie doesn’t turn up. I mean for the OPs daughter’s sake as much as anything else. That’s a massive responsibility and there are countless things that could mean your bestie doesn’t turn up. What if they get in a car wreck? Have a medical emergency? These things happen. Then what is the OP daughter’s to do? She is responsible for randon 10 year old in (I presume) a foreign country who’s family is 1000s of miles away.
It would be best if a parent stayed behind until the other person showed up. If they were going to stay with family in Taiwan, have the parent which is family take the kids on the scheduled flight and have the other parent stay with Jake. The parent who stays behind can work with the airline about getting on a later flight.
Exactly, Jake may be a stoic independent 10yo but the more I think about it the crazier it sounds. Sorry Jake we screwed up your passport and guess what you can’t come with us on vacation. Be a good boy while we leave you to wait by yourself until Mrs somebody picks up our slack.
I’m gobsmacked that they would leave Jake behind period. The parent with the job interview, yes, that person gets on the plane. The rest of the family stays home. I feel sorry for Jake and hope his parents have set aside money for his therapy. I cannot believe the family would be so selfish as to leave him behind.
I am no Japan expert but have been to Tokyo twice, I was shocked to see all sorts of kids as young or younger than 10 taking public transportation to school and walking the streets to school unescorted. Granted there must be saftey in numbers, but after school they appeared to just be going about places on their own like adults would.
So maybe in this mothers eyes its not uncommon to trust your child alone for themselves for a short amount of time. But to do so away from their home base (like an airport) IMHO is just asking for trouble.
Aren’t children in Japan famously more self sufficient than in the US? I’m always seeing stories about very young kids being free range in Japan. Also, it’s a very safe country compared to the US.
What accounts for this unusual degree of independence? Not self-sufficiency, in fact, but “group reliance,” according to Dwayne Dixon, a cultural anthropologist who wrote his doctoral dissertation on Japanese youth. “[Japanese] kids learn early on that, ideally, any member of the community can be called on to serve or help others,” he says.
It seems to me that the odd ones out are you, not the others.
By giving them this freedom, parents are placing significant trust not only in their kids, but in the whole community. “Plenty of kids across the world are self-sufficient,” Dixon observes. “But the thing that I suspect Westerners are intrigued by [in Japan] is the sense of trust and cooperation that occurs, often unspoken or unsolicited.”
It’s just that when a magazine like the Atlantic writes “Westerners are intrigued” they mean “Americans are intrigued”. Really, it’s you!
Remeber that Danish couple that left their baby in a pram outside a restaurant during a visit in New York? And Danes are Westerners, right? The parents were arrested, the baby was taken into custody until the story resolved by them leaving the country with a very bad feeling. Now that would be a film to be made, with trauma for all involved.
The mother still fumes about the way she was treated over 20 years later. Because she does not understand it! You are the weird ones! At least from my and many other Westerners and Non-Westerners point of view across the world.
Now learn to trust others and your kids, for §#!*%! sake!
I trust my kid to walk to and from school. I trust him to take a few bucks to the convenience store, and come back with whatever I told him to buy. I trust him to bike around the campground where we are on his own. I even trust him to kayak beyond my line of sight to a particular feature of the lake.
I trust him to be alone at home for a short time while I step out for an errand. I trust him to make a phone call if he needs something. I trust him to cook certain basic meals and teach him more regularly.
I know that if I needed him to sit for 30 minutes at an airport and wait for a trusted friend to arrive, and go with them, he would absolutely do as asked and he’d be ok.
There’s no way in hell I’d leave him behind on a trip like this, where all his siblings (hypothetical; I only have one son but I’m a middle child) and both parents travelled together and my son had to stay behind because as the adult, I failed him with regards to his passport and trip planning.
Why would I make him feel left out like that?
The thought wouldn’t ever cross my mind. It’s not about how independent and responsible he is, it’s about assuming the consequences of my irresponsibility.
I wasn’t there, but I believe this is the case. It sounds like this was a a close friend with kids of similar ages who go to the same small international school. We know the family from a sailing club and my daughter had met this other family at an open day with a barbecue.
For the sake of keeping the OP short, I didn’t explain all the circumstances. Here are some more details.
My wife was there at the airport as well, but just not with my daughter at the particular moment of the encounter. My daughter’s friend had been staying with my wife and daughter while my son and I were out of the country.
Our plane was scheduled to arrive about an hour later.
Jake’s family and we are members of the same small sailing club. As fellow foreigners, there is a stronger sense of community ties, so I wouldn’t characterize our relationship as “random acquaintances” and Jake is not just some random child.
Jake’s mother provided both her cell phone number (which I already have, but I wasn’t there yet) and that of the friend. My wife was able to confirm they were 20 - 30 minutes away.
Somehow I seriously doubt you are equating having a ten-year-old sit in a designated chair for 20 minute, to living alone for a week.
Yes, they tend to be and there are children who ride public transportation starting in first grade.
I grew up as a free range kid and spent all day going to places such as the library at that age.
I asked some Japanese friends and got wildly different answers. Some said they would cancel their plans, except for the father, and others thought it wasn’t a big deal.
I really like the parents, and so my tendency is to trust them, but this is a concern for me as well.
They will be back soon and I’ll have a chance to find out more information.