LGBT Dopers: When did you discover your sexuality/come out?

In My Humble Opinion
61

I’ve always had an attraction to both men and women, and my sexuality was never an issue that my parents and I discussed. They (and I) figure that it is none of their business, as I’m not sexually attracted to them. I have the same feelings toward everyone else (unless I’m sexually attracted to you, my sexual preference is none of your concern). As a result, I’m neither “in” nor “out.”

My wife knows (we’re often attracted to the same people) and she’s fine with it. “It is a part of you, and I love all of you.”

My brother, who was gay, came out to my parents when he was about 19. In that he was flaming , my father’s response was “That’s the worst kept secret I’ve ever heard.” End of discussion. They were both with him when he died of AIDS at 30, holding his hand and telling him that they loved him and it was OK for him to let go.

62

I’m the faculty advisor to the Gay/Lesbian group at the college where I work and it’s fascinating to me how different and how similar the coming out experiences are for the 18-22 year olds today. When I was their age (I’ll be 38 in a few weeks) the only openly gay characters to have been on prime-time TV had been Jodie Dallas on Soap (Billy Crystal’s character, who wanted to change his sex to marry his boyfriend [yuk yuk] and later became straight-ish) and, sorta kinda, an attorney played by Bronson Pinchot on a shortlived Geena Davis sitcom, and Sidney Shorr (Tony Randall’s character in a short-lived sitcom; my understanding is that Randall was furious that they would not make the character more clearly gay as he had been in the movie); for “these kids today” it’s de rigeur to see men kissing and gays have become less taboo than glamourized fashion accessories.

Coming of age as a gay man in the 1980s was interesting since those my age were figuring out our sexual identities as the first volleys of the AIDS virus were really starting to take their toll. OTOH, we came of age in a time when “safe sex” was being preached everywhere, which helped quite a bit; those just a little older than I am were among the heaviest hit on the casualty lists.

Something I can never get over here in the south (it may be true other places but I know the south best) is the number of what I call “queer paw-paws”. These are older men (50s and above) who are sssssssssssooooooooo obviously gay but who grew up in a time and place where that simply wasn’t an option and so today they’re married, have children, prance on about their “grandbabies” and would probably outperform Bill Clinton-on-Viagra given a week’s paid-in-full subscription to a hot 21 year old rentboy. I often wonder if they’re happy; true they had to suppress their natural urges, but otoh they have “traditional” families that most of us will never have so there’s some balance. It’s something we’ll almost never know.

63

“Queen paw-paws!”’ HA!!

There are quite a few of them here in Richmond (some are in very prominent positions). The few that I know personally are happy enough with their lot in life.

64

I was twelve or so when I figured it out. There was this girl that I sat next to in science class, and one day I sat there thinking about how much I wanted to hold hands with her. The clue fairy descended. “Oh, shit, I’m a girl, she’s a girl… ohshit.”

I was outed a year later. Insert self-destruction and blah. I tried to nail my closet door shut; that didn’t work out so well. After excessive denial I started coming out on my own terms. That was about sophomore year. After that I became A Big Enormous Homo ™ and came out to everyone and their sister. Mom at 13, it wasn’t a good thing and we fought about it bitterly; Dad at 16 and he was very blase; brother at… 14 or 15 and he freaked out but got better. The extend family was pretty much okay with it.

Fairly breezy version, I know. Search my posts if you’re curious for all the gorey details?

65

I was 22 when I first realized that I’m transsexual (thanks to having someone else hit clueless ol’ me over the head about it), 30 when I finally accepted it, and 31 when I finally started doing something about it.

66

That just makes a nanner sandwich seem promising.

67

GOUDA.

An LGBT has gouda on it. They’re quite good; we have them from time to time.

68

I told my mom I was bi today. Thanksgiving seemed like the traditional time to tell her. Her response was as anticpated: “So, does this mean you’re finally going to start dating?”

“Christ, I hope so,” I told her.

In other words, it was no big deal. Which is a big relief. And oddly disappointing.

69

LOL. Yes, most of our loved ones know, even without mentioning it. “I know”, or some varient of that, was the usual response that I got too.

70

I can’t pinpoint when I “started” liking both sexes but it would have been around early to mid teens. I did try at a young age to keep myself straight but I had a lot of nights thinking “What if?” It’s always been an in-joke in the family that I must be gay because I’m not the most masculine of men and the remarks led me further to fight my feelings which, in turn, led to more questioning myself. I admitted to myself that I was bisexual around 16 when I started sixth form but I was nowhere near ready to come out and I wasn’t being truly honest with myself. I still only seeked a girlfriend. If I was asked about my sexuality I lied. Now I’m 18, I have started my “outing”. If the topic comes up I’ll admit I’m bi and support my sexuality but I’ve yet to actually shout it from the roof tops. I just don’t see the point. This means that my old friends and my family don’t know. I may tell my friends soon but as for my family well…

My nan once told me this: “If you told me you were gay then I would except it. Just don’t bring your boyfriend round my house.”

My nan was raised to be “traditional”. She would never hate you for what you are but she would be uncomfortable with what you are. But she is the most narrow-minded of my family so I think it would end up fine. In fact I wouldn’t be too surprised if my mum didn’t batter an eyelid. Technically I’d be the first member of my family to have anything else but heterosexual feelings. I say technically because I have a 11 year old cousin who is almost definitely gay, and possibly a transsexual. He’s been “out” with it his entire life and I applaud him for that.

71

November 10th, 2004 is a day I will not soon forget. Partially because it’s the day I told my parents.

While growing up, I was expected to look and act like a boy, and did the best I could, even “correcting” people who “mistook” me for a girl (I often looked like one). But I would often see myself, in my mind’s eye, as female. When I was 12, I had my first crush, on a 15 year old girl. This was one of the reasons I was sure I would grow up to be a man, but that thought was quite unappealing.

When I was 16, I used to go to bed each night desperately wishing I’d wake up in the morning to find myself magically transformed into a girl (anatomically). As I reached adulthood, I figured I was just a guy with a strong sensitive side, but never could bring myself to look too masculine or speak in a low voice.

(And this is omitting the stuff that borders on TMI.)

Sometime last year I read a book, The Ethical Slut, in which the authors wrote of what they called “sissy boys” (I don’t know if that term is still accepted, but that’s what the book calls them - perhaps it is similar to genderqueer?), people who are physically male but become quite effeminate in the sack, and for the most part, my reaction was “wow that sounds like me!”

It wasn’t until earlier this year though that I seriously considered I was “maybe not a boy after all” and went over as many threads and cites as I could find on the subject, reading up on transexualism. Some of these MTF women who have written accounts of their own journeys and posted them on their websites are saying things that I can really relate to.

I don’t know yet if I am going to take the journey of being TS and becoming physically and socially female, or if I am just going to live life as a very effeminate guy and from time to time let my femme side come out and play. I don’t know yet if I am going to stay primarily attracted to women or if I am actually bi. I don’t know if this post is quite on topic in this thread but it took me almost half an hour to write this much and it may as well not be for nothing. :smiley:

72

I came out last night. Gulp, I finally did it. I told my mom.

I’ve known since I was about 13. Finally, at the age of 35, I’m out. I’ve been dating a guy for 3 years now and I am moving in with him next month. So, I just figured it was time to set the record “straight.”

73

Let’s see, I’m a bi female. Always new – heck, when I was a wee four-year-old I had a crush on both of those kids in Escape to Witch Mountain. Although I’d say my first true “celebrity crush” was on a character from Jason of Star Command. Nope, not the Han Solo-like Jason, but his sidekick Capt. Davidoff – a.k.a… Nicole! swoon

Since I knew so early on, I just figured I was the odd one out. Just sort of shrugged, like “meh, whatever” and it was kind of a non-issue ever since. So I can’t really say I was ever “in” to begin with so there couldn’t have been a coming “out.”

If I met someone I really liked, who also really liked me then all was good. It was always as simple as that.

Didn’t date any women until my early 20s though because, demographically it was more difficult for me to meet a “girl-I-liked-who-also-liked-me”, but that got easier in a more grown up world where my life wasn’t stuck in much, much smaller social structure of highschool. It was easier to find other people in the much more vast world at large.

74

Oh, and I always think GBLT so I can pronounce it “giblet”.

75

Gouda, bacon, lettuce, and tomato with giblets on the side. :smiley:

76

Perhaps you’re a closeted extrovert?

77

I can’t imagine you ever being anything else, but FWIW, I promise to kick your virtual butt if you ever are.

My circle uses “family-friendly” instead of queer-positive. This makes a local radio station’s advertisements extremely humorous, because they advertise that they are “Tampa Bay’s Family-Friendly Radio” – it’s a lite-rock, workday music station that plays a lot of stereotypically middle-aged gay man music: Céline, Madonna, Cher, etc. Of course, they mean that it’s kid-friendly, but it works either way for us.

Oh, and welcome to dale! The line for your card forms to the left. You get a punch in it for every person you bring over (well, not college girls. You have to convert two of them to get a punch. LUGs are a problem, you know), and after you get ten punches, you get a toaster oven, and you can use the card for a discount at Bath and Body Works, Linens-N-Things, and Pier One. :wink:

78

When did I know? I tell everyone I knew when I was about 5 years old. I remember some friend of the family asking me when I was going to get married (one of those stupid questions older people ask kids) and I said, “never.” The thing is, that memory is so vivid because somehow even then I knew I was never going to get “married” like that old man wanted to know. I know, sounds weird, but I really seemed to know.

Growing up in a small town, there really wasn’t much of a chance to meet anyone like myself, and I remember at about 10 year old once shoplifting a book (too afraid to buy it)…it was a thin little paperback that had psychology definitions and thumbing though it at the bookstore, it had a chapter on homosexuality. I must have read that chapter 200 times over the next few weeks. I don’t recall now exactly what it said, but I remember it was enlightening and yet somehow implied I would someday talk with a lisp and skip down streets wearing frilly things.

At about 11, I went to a carnival in my home town. It was a rainy night and not many people there, but a short bike ride from my house. I won a squirt gun at some stupid booth. Asked the guy if there was a hose where I could fill it up. He said, “sure. Come round back and I’ll show you the hose.” Geez was I a ditz back then. Went behind the tent and sure enough, he showed me the hose. Rather large one at that, and instead of me running off as I think he expected me to do, I just stood and stared at it for quite awhile. Nothing happened between us. I think the guy was kinda freaked that I wasn’t freaked out, but at the same time, I think he liked the attention. He was a real old guy…probably 20 years old or so…and I had never seen one on a man that close up. Pretty much solidified what I had been thinking. I liked what I saw.

I never felt the need to come out to my family until I finally met my lover. Was living in Germany at the time and came home and just told them all. Only my mother (surprisingly) took it badly, but after about two days, she came around and always considered my SO as part of the family. My SO’s mother came to visit us from Germany many times and my mother always insisted we all get together…and despite the language barrier, the two of them got along great…best “mothers-(not)-in-law” you could ever meet.

79

Mine is the T in that abbreviation. I finally came out to myself one week ago, Monday, December 13, 2004. Now I’m coming out to you Dopers. At 45, I’m a late bloomer at this. I had known since I was in college that I was androgynous, and I liked it. I’d had a persistent science-fiction fantasy ever since I was a kid that I could step into a machine which would change me into a girl. For years the desire to be a woman had been building up in me, and I acknowledged it, but would only admit to being “semi-transgendered.”

Since puberty, my admiration for women has been so intense it was unbearable: it was aesthetic and existential desire as much as sexual desire. Like in Walt Whitman’s poem about the child who became whatever he looked upon, my admiration for womanhood made me want to transform into a woman. A week ago the dam holding back my emotions about this finally burst and I knew I really was transgendered. It was an immense psychological release, finally accepting who I truly am. I experienced what the gays and lesbians are telling: what a great relief it is not to hide any more.

Eve, jellyblue, umop ap!sdn—There haven’t been many trannies coming out around here. Eve is the famous one, the accomlished one. <namaste to Eve> We should have our own thread.

80

I was the first to come out on the Boards, as far as I know. :slight_smile: