Once upon a time many gays stayed closeted for quite a while and it was a big deal to come out to the family … even if everyone else always knew the person was gay. In my brother-in-law’s case for example, he came out to his family in his early 20’s but when my wife told me that her brother had just told something to her parents, and I immediately asked if he finally told them he was gay, she was shocked that I had known … Hell, we all knew except for the immediate family.
Now, 20 to 30 years later, I think being out is more acceptable. Are gays more comfortable announcing their orientation to their parents and sibs earlier as a result. I am sure my BIL always knew he was gay. If a parent is thinking that their child is likely gay, should they keep quiet about it until their child decides to share, or take an initiative to reassure the kid that they love and accept him/her whatever his/her orientation may be?
It’s funny, I remember when one of my BtVS friends came out to his family. They said, yeah Son, we know. We’ve always known. He’d been beatinghimself up about having to break it to them, and they probably knew before he did.
I think it’s important to cultivate an environment in which someone feels ‘safe’ coming out, but I personally wouldn’t suggest that a parent or sibling bring it up.
I had a friend in college who was (warning: stereotypes ahead) thin, tidy, well-mannered and never seemed interested in girls. His parents finally told him it was ok if he were gay, they would love him the same, blah blah. Only problem is, he’s not gay. That situation was incredibly awkward for everyone at the time…
Anyway, I’d guess the fact that people are more open-minded helps gay people feel they can come out more easily, but also there is greater awareness of gay people now so often they probably realize it’s pointless to not come out, since everyone probably already has an idea anyway. Not that that’s always the case.
The gay people I’ve known have mostly come out gradually. It was generally the people who they trusted the most (i.e. good friends) who were told first. Family last, it seems.
My daughters friend ‘came out’ when she was 15…not as gay but as bi.
She still says she is bi…
However, she has only had boyfriends…is very ‘boy crazy’…only makes ‘he’s cute/hot’ comments never ‘she’s cut/hot’ etc etc etc.
I came to the conclusion she was heterosexual but came out for some sort of social recognition ‘reward’. I asked my daughter about that once and she rolled her eyes saying “Everyone knows she’s not bi, dad, she just says she is”
She’s 20 now and still keeps up the fascade though she has toned it down some because she has a real serious boyfriend now…possibility of an announcement soon methinks.
One of my best friends from high school came out to everybody after we graduated college. I had had a bit of a dating dry spell in college and my mom assumed this meant I was also gay…
"So Steve is gay? You haven’t dated a girl in a while, are you gay too?
When I came out, way back in 1963, there was no such thing as “out.” I had never heard of anyone being openly gay, and I never heard anyone say it was ok to be gay. Even the word “gay” wasn’t used yet. Being homosexual was a shameful secret, like being a secret serial killer. If you had these feelings you just didn’t go around telling people. And I lived in a fairly liberal community. That’s just the way it was back then.
Fortunately, things have changed. Even people who are still closeted are aware that there are people in the world who are gay and out and happy. Yet I still know guys who are still in the closet . . . and married to women . . . into their 50s, 60s, or later.
Friends are the family you choose and friends are the ones who hear more about your sex life, which is something that often becomes a subject of interest when straights find out you are gay. There are few things worse than the Talk with your parents, but one thing is when they start asking you about the mechanics of the horizontal manbo.
If your friends reject you, well that sucks but you can make new friends; we’ve all been down that road. If your family rejects you, well, that’s a psychological blow that some people never recover from. For some people, it’s much easier to just not want to bring it up and never open Pandora’s box.
