What kind of stuff is this? No toaster? I told my closest friends about 2 weeks ago that I’m gay (hooray), but still haven’t told my parents. They’re too immature about these things. So is my 13-year old brother. sigh I also finally decided that I am taking an open stance on it. If it somehow comes up in conversation, then yes, I am gay, but I don’t like those people who walk up to you and excrete homosexuality. Oh well. Hey, since I haven’t gotten a toaster, is it too late to swap it out for one of those KitchenAid stand mixers? I’ve been wanting one for a while, but haven’t been able to justify buying one.
I guess the general point i was getting at is that it really wasn’t as strenuous as I thought it’d be. Everyone I’ve told at least seems to be pretty accepting… (it also helped that another friend came out to be bi that same day…) Has anyone here had any especially good or bad experiences, or have they all been relatively vanilla like mine?
I’m not gay but I just wanted to share one of… well, not my experience, really, but a friend’s.
Ex had a childhood friend who eventually became a mutual friend. We always wondered why he stayed single - he expressed interest in several women, is attractive, easy to talk to, great job, etc. In other words, nothing that would make him anything less than “a great catch.” After a few years, I started to develop a nagging suspicion that he was being less than forthcoming with us, but would certainly have never called him on it. My suspicions were (whether fairly so or not) only strengthened when he expressed an inordinate amount of interest in seeing the Ellen “coming out” episode… this to me was proof positive. I also think, in hindsight, that this was one of his many attempts to drop a hint, and gauge reaction.
A few weeks later, he approached my ex and said… I have to tell you something. My ex, being the King of Tact that he is, said “You’re gay.”
And that was it, we all shrugged, and moved on. For a long time he struggled with how to break it to his family - not renowned for their open-mindedness. He finally worked up the nerve and… They shrugged, and moved on.
I know for his part he was greatly relieved - coming out always seems to be portrayed as this life-wrenching experience, but for him, at least, it was really as if he had announced he was going to buy a new car. Obviously, not everyone gets so lucky. I’m extremely glad for him that he was - and hope that everything goes as smoothly for you as well.
I do know that once he was “out” and able to be himself, he was (with little exaggeration) 1000 times happier. The turnaround I saw in him was phenomenal.
Remember that people’s initial reactions aren’t necessarily permanent. My mother had complete hysterics, yet a year or two later she was inviting my boyfriend and me to come visit. My father, the arch-fundamentalist, was cool as a cucumber and, while I had to put up with receiving a few inappropriate books in the mail, basically nothing changed. The scariest experiences were coming out to friends in high school, and nowadays, coming out to musician friends (there are very few gay jazz musicians). But in this town, it’s kind of hip to be gay, so it’s not a big deal.
I have yet to figure out how to deal with the work situation. I’m 37 years old and show no interest in dating women; everybody KNOWS I’m gay. Yet sexuality is a thing that is just not talked about at work. I haven’t been able to make any good friends there, so the only people I’m really OUT-out to are other gay people. Everybody knows about me but it’s just this topic that is carefully danced around. What makes it worse is I don’t date men either, so I don’t have any opportunities to talk about my gay life, because I haven’t got one. I’m just this asexual weirdo, apparently.
Anyway, best of luck to you, and congratulations, &cetera.
I love it when this happens - people come out and there’s little, if any, reaction. That’s how it SHOULD be.
When a friend of mine finally came out (in his late 20s) he took his father to dinner and said, “I need to tell you something. I’m gay.” His father said, “And?” “And nothing, I just wanted you to know.” And the dad said, “Good grief, don’t scare me like that. I thought you were going to tell me something bad.”
For a whole lotta people, though, it was NOT a “vanilla” experience. I am happy for you that it was.
this is a real conversation I had with my brother (I’m c, he’s b):
c: so, uhm…
b: how’s love life, eh? eh
c: it’s allright, I guess
b: did you check anybody out yet? you look like you might have
c: actually, at the airport in munich, there was this clerk that I got brief eye contact with, it was really touching
b: …you’re gay?
c: uhm well, I’m bi
b: that is so like you.
c: oh, I know (blush)
b: that is so cool! is it okay if I tell my friends that I have a gay brother?
c: uhm, yeah, do that
Ah, sigh, it looks like no kitchen appliances for you guys either. Think the great International Department of Kitchen Appliance Shipping is behind, or do you think it’s a great anti-gay appliance conspiracy? I really want that KitchenAid, dammit!
No, no, Donkey. You don’t get a toaster for coming out. The toaster oven is a bonus to recruiters for the “Gay Agenda”. Tell us who turned you into a homo and we’ll start the paperwork right away so he or she can get the appropriate kitchen appliances.
There is also a special on this week: If you can turn a celebrity, you get a washer and dryer!
**chaoticdonkey ** - Congrats on coming out! I’m glad that people have been receptive and accepting. I pray that when you tell your family they will be just as welcoming.
I recently discovered a part of my sexuality that had been repressed and hidden away in a dark corner of my mind since I was a teenager. I have only recently accepted the fact that I am attracted to both sexes but this information is only known by two special people in my life.
My friends and I went to the pub and got drunk. Afterwards while we were talking one of our most drunk friends outed one of our friends, her best friend (who was there) as bi-sexual. Being drunk, and not really thinking I replied “Cool. Me too. I thought I was the only one.”
Ya know I hear about all these stormy coming out stories, but none of my good friends have had particularly memorable experiences. Just like the OP, it rapidly became a non-issue and everyone moved on. Quite a let-down considering all the stress that tends to be involved in the lead-up. I really should demand more fire-and-brimstone speeches from my parents, I guess, just so I feel like I got my money’s worth. All I ever get is conversations from my mom about who I’m dating, when the next PFLAG meeting is, how that nice boy so-and-so is doing, and isn’t Hugh Grant so cute on TV? The last part was about enough to make me wanna go back into the closet.
Congrats to you, chaoticdonkey! May you live a happier, more fulfilled life out of the closet! I know what you mean about certain individuals that seem to feel the need to scream their pride at the world, and according to some sociologists that’s just one of the phases of coming out (this theory might be outdated, but I’ve heard it used recently in a Queer Ally workshop; see Cass 1979). Not everyone experiences it, and those that do usually don’t stay in it forever. crosses fingers
There’s lots of resources out there on the net should you experience difficulty, but let me recommend Planet Out and The Gay Library. Also, know that you have an incredible support group here on this board (I’m sure you already do!), and know that you have an ally in me (fighting ignorance and intolerance since my best friend came out to me in '98!).
Best of Luck to You, and Peace Out.
P.S. The hateful bigots out there DO exist. Respond accordingly with PRIDE.
My late brother was FLAMING, and when he came out to my parents my father’s response was “That has to be the worst kept secret in the universe.” End of discussion.
Yesterday my wife and I went to a drag brunch at a local bar that caters to a gay clientele (brunch with entertainment provided by drag queens, including one with 40DD tits). In attendance was a 16 year old boy, his boyfriend, and his mother. They got a round of applause from all in attendance.
It’s time for the counter point. I’d been dropping hints to my mom for two years. For instance, when she helped me move in '01, I made sure some of my copies of The Advocate were lying around. I have a refrigerator magnet with Emmett (from Queer as Folk). I have a rainbow disco ball hanging from my rear view mirror. Yet she keeps asking me when I’m going to get a new girlfriend (following my divorce from my lesbian ex-wife). Finally around Christmas last year, I got tired of the questioning and told here I don’t want a new girlfriend, I’m looking for a boyfriend.
She still tells me whenever she thinks about it that I shouldn’t joke about things like that and that I’m not really gay. She also tells me how “spiritually dangerous” it is to even hang around gay people. Supposedly it’s a demon, or the Devil himself, that has tricked me into thinking I’m gay. But it’s a Lie! and if I would only come back to church with her Jesus could save me of homosexuality. (And that pesky atheism, too!)