Life Inquiry from a Skeptic

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve exhausted all the resources I can think of and don’t know where to turn to, so I turn to the teeming millions:

When I applied to grad schools, it was as a Modern Orthodox Jew who had done a good deal of historical research and discovered some fascinating facts which reflected badly on the Haredi (Ultra-Orthodox) and Haredi-leaning leadership during the mid-20th century. For myself, I saw the Haredi worldview as heterodox for any Jew serious about Torah; the information I discovered seemed relevant to this. Moreover, while I wasn’t sure how I was going to work the facts I’d found into an academic piece, they were so fascinating and so carefully guarded that they just had to have some general academic significance. I hoped to work all that out in grad school.

And now, I’m a grad student at Brandeis University in Near Eastern and Judaic Studies (the plan…to get a Master’s in said field and then go for a doctorate in history.). But there have been a few developments. The fire just isn’t in my soul anymore. I’m still fascinated by Orthodox society, but it no longer bears a personal significance for me. The facts I discovered don’t seem interesting to anybody else and professors I’ve presented them to shrug their shoulders. Oh, and over the summer – before coming here – I became an atheist. It took somebody prodding me about being intellectually honest with exploring issues I had as well as a lot of reading, but I am an atheist.

My atheism stems from my knack for skeptically researching claims via the Internet and libraries I have access to. I entered Orthodox society at about 18 and started hearing people say weird things a lot, things I was skeptical of. So I started researching these claims and have long found a lot of “proofs” for Orthodoxy and “interpretations” of the positions of various long-gone rabbis to be just flat out false. I just wish there was some way I could utilize this knack for research I have for more productive ends…but I’m also being encouraged by people I respect to tough out the Jewish Studies program here and hopefully inspiration will come and I’ll be able to use my research abilities in a future role as a professor…

Advice?

Baruch Pelta

2

What are you specifically thinking of researching for your MA/PhD?

3

Not much to say, other than that to this longtime skeptic and nontheist, orthodox judaism is just about as goofy as any other mythology/cult I’ve heard of. Not sure how you would be able to reconcile the 2.

4

Studying religion and being an atheist/agnostic aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.

5

SecondJudith:
I was working on a major project on the Synagogue Council of America controversy, but like I said, it doesn’t seem as interesting anymore…maybe I’m just in a rut.

Dinsdale:
Yeah, you’re right. That’s why I left.

6

FWIW, your story is pretty similar to that of a religious studies professor I know, only he came from an evangelical Christian background. His class was therefore a completely empirical study of religion, and was one of the best classes I’ve ever taken.

7

You are not the first person who decided to change dissertation topics. Read widely, ask some professors for advice on interesting topics, and find something that fascinates you, perhaps something you want to find out more about. Becoming an atheist (mazel tov!) will help you follow where the facts lead, without worrying about running into the bounds of what you are supposed to believe.