Life of Brian Moments of Biblical Interpretation

In My Humble Opinion
1

If you know the Monty Python film “Life of Brian”, you may remember the scene where Jesus (played completely seriously) delivers the Sermon on the Mount. The joke is that the Pythons are toward the rear of the large crowd and can’t quite hear what he’s saying. So they are left to wonder what he means by “Blessed are the Greek” and “Blessed are the cheese makers”.

I had a moment like this the other day while flipping radio stations in the car. I came upon a Christian show and I could have sworn the preacher said Jesus implored us to “cleanse the leopards”. I nearly had to pull over from laughing so hard.

So here’s my question: What other Biblical quotes or passages are susceptible to this kind of humorous misunderstanding?

2

Most people don’t realize that Jesus was really into weightlifting. After all, Jesus repped.

3

“Did he just say the kingdom of heaven is Afghan? How are we supposed to get there? It’s way over on the other side of Persia.”

4

There’s a frequent use of repetition for effect in the Bible, where the same thing is immediately restated in similar words, and one of the places where this happens is in the story of Jesus commandeering a donkey to ride into Jerusalem - the donkey is mentioned twice. Mentioned twice, I tell you! (See - say it in a Jewish-sounding accent and it makes more sense. :)) But some hilariously insist on a poor little bowlegged Jesus riding two donkeys at the same time, because “the Bible says!”.

5

This accidental moment of mirth brought to you by old-fashioned translators. :slight_smile:

6

And some, I assume, are good figs…

7

Actually all of them are bad, because god hates figs.

8

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

9

I don’t have anything serious to add; but this seems to be a good opportunity to mention a couple of old jokes that I think are funny that are slightly related… :slight_smile:

Baseball is mentioned in the bible: Gen 1:1 "In the Big Inning… "
Jesus drove a Honda: Acts 2:1 “And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord…”

Carry On.

10

I want you to go sit in the corner and think about what you did here.

11

Sampson fought off an army of Philistines with the assbone of a Jew.

12

Arsenokoitai? :slight_smile:

BTW, ‘Cheesemakers’ is a mishearing of ‘peace makers’, not ‘Greeks.’

13

‘Blessed are the Greek’ was also in the movie (“blessed are the meek”).

14

You’re right. I completely misread that post. My bad. Sorry.

15

All the various forms of What Would Jesus Drive springs to mind.

16

This doesn’t fit with the thread but it’s a good chance for me to finally tell this story because it made me CRACK UP but nobody I know IRL seems to fucking care.

There’s a new business in town that is a Christian-based soccer club that I guess uses soccer to spread The Word around the world. They built a big arena here for their soccer goings-on. They sold the naming rights for this arena, and wouldn’t you know it but an actual CHEESEMAKER from nearby Amish country bought the rights and the arena is legit called “So-and-so Cheesemakers Arena.” For the Christian soccer club!

Blessed are the cheesemakers FOR REAL you guys!

This cracks my shit up every time I see it (which is often since it’s on the map next to my house)!!!

17

In Aramaic (the language Jesus spoke), “camel” and “rope” sound and spell the same. The Greek translators chose “camel” - because, I guess, camel!

18

Mary and Joseph’s flight to Egypt included Pontious The Pilot.

19

That’s the rather enticing explanation for that weird simile I was told as a kid (and have doubtlessly passed on to others!); but, sadly,not all scholars seem to agree. At least, it seems like Aramaic doesn’t have to be invoked:

20

Now Hebrew does have another meaning for the root GML- leading to one of my favorite dumb middle-school jokes, wherein Psalms 13:6 is translated as “I will sing to God, for there is a camel on me.”