Why, we had to sleep thiry seven people in our house! Twelve kids to a bed stacked like chordwood, eight undernieth (not to mention the three in the cupboard). Poor Mum and Dad sharing a room with Gandma and Pa --both with tuberculosis!!
We were so poor that my Aunt polly had to sleep standing upright in the umbrella holder!
Two Atom Bombs!?! Luxury! We’d he GLAD to have just one to do us in!
Why, when I was a lad my whole neighborhood got a letter from the government telling all six thousand of us to form a giant human pyramid on top of one burning gasoline soaked matress so’s we’d be finished off! And we did it! We were patriotic beck then! Not like your long-haired free-love sandal-wearing hooligans of today!
When I was a wee sprite, we didn’t have the Straight Dope! We had to put up with ignorance to the right, ignorance to the left. If someone tried to convince us that bumps on headlights were an Illuminati plot, we had to believe them.
And you and your internet. Psshaw! When I was young, we didn’t have the internet, we had to masturbate to magazines!
Back in my youth our mice had balls! You’d be moving your cursor along and then some piece of lint would make the whole thing skip over what you wanted to click on. Now days they got them fancy laser mice. You can use your cat as a mouse pad and track as smooth as a bald man out of Rogain.
Why when I was a wee lad we couldn’t sleep! Sleep was a luxury for the RICH. We had to work 23 hours a day just to keep the baby fed, and what with the three hour walk (on our HANDS, mind you) back and forth to the to the coal mines where we had good jobs as pick axes (this weren’t a job for the weak, mind you), that hardly left time in the day to BLINK. That’s all the rest we got, a BLINK, then it was off to the mines again for more banging of our heads against the stone. You kids these days, don’t know the MEANIN’ of work!