light or dark?

a project i have been working on for a while (without much success)is as follows,
we all know a flashlight is a brilliant invention but what if we could give the the world the FLASHDARK.just think of what it could do for the world.any suggestions?

I think it already exists, it is called shutting your eyes.

Dark Suckers

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, recent information from a private lab has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don’t emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs “dark suckers.” The dark sucker theory, according to a laboratory spokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark is faster than light. The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark.

Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark suckers don’t last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark flowing into the candle.

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers had a very limited range. There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can’t handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of dark can be utilized to man’s advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines, which generate electricity and help push it to the ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in the same direction as the flow of dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Now hopefully, those of you with a less than scientific awareness about these simple things that surround you, can feel more comfortable with one of life’s clarified misunderstandings.

is a lantern a dark sucker too…

If so where does the dark go, the mantle turns white.

Lanterns eliminate their sucked-up dark by giving off soot.

UREAKA this site has prove most worthwhile
the dark sucker theory is excellent we must work out an equation so we can establish the s/o/d (or the speed of dark). can you imagine how much light has been sucked into the universe.if we could harness dark we could travel anywhere we wished. E=ENERGY M=MASS DDM=DENSITY DARK MATTER
(do we term it anti matter)would our engines have to have the effect as a giant light? capable of “eating” the dark?
how many times is dark darker than light?
what is the speed of dark?
what is the dark squared compared to einsteins light squared?
help me please

Just FYI, the dark sucker routine has been around for a while, attributed variously to Bell Labs, Chem Labs, and others. Although I haven’t been able to find an author, you can find this piece at several locations, including this one:

hey, let’s have a phlogiston party!

So then wouldn’t a lantern be more of a dark condenser, where dark is solidified into soot particals then expelled?

do not walk softly with clark
rage rage against the birthing of the dark!


Gaffers create light.

Grips create dark.



Dark suckers, eh?

Takes one to know one, I guess.

You reminded me of the old graffito:

There is no gravity
The Earth sucks

Well there is one way to make a “flashdark”, just take the mass of the sun and shrink it down to an extremelly small size, such as a nickle.

I don’t get it, what does that prove? It just shows that “dark” travels faster than your hand opening the closet door.

Also, since theres more “dark” in a dark room, then shouldn’t a candle left in sunlight last much longer than one burning in a dark room (with the otherwise same conditions)? Someone care to try an experiment?

This isn’t really a very new idea. After all, DEDs (dark emitting diodes) have been on the market for 25 years or so.