My life in limericks . . .
A poster by the name of Jack Batty
Ate Hamburger Helper, though fatty
Three Cheese polished off
Also Beef Stroganoff
But it’s also quite good in a patty
A skateboard was bought by old Jack
To combat a seemingly lack
Of youthful devices
But what would be nice is
If I just don’t break my damn back
Jack’s dog was a mutt named Daisy
Who was pretty incredibly lazy
But if she thinks she can poop
On the floor or the stoop
The Canine is perfectly crazy
There once was a man from Japan,
whose limericks no one could scan.
When he was asked why,
he would simply reply,
I always try to fit as many words into the last line as I can.
(Elliot Kuhner)
There was a young lady named bright,
who could travel at speeds faster than light.
She went out one day,
in a relative way,
and arrived the previous night.
The once was a man from El Bates,
who while woking out on his skates,
fell on his cutlass,
which rendered him nutless,
and practically useless on dates.
There once was a man from Sabin,
whose prick was the size of a pin.
His mistress named Mim,
said with a grin.
This won’t be much of a sin.
The list is endless…
Mary asked John “Dear, is it late?”
John said “I believe it is 8.”
Mary said “No, it’s not yet
But soon will be, and wet.”
Thus John went down on Mary and ate.
There once was a Barritone, Danno
Who accopmanied well the Piano
Just before curtain drop
Caught his jewels on a prop
And the last song he sang as Soprano
Close to midnight, McDuffy the drunk
Came home staggerin’, all in a funk
“Don’t you see” he complained
“That more Whiskey remained,
But they wouldn’t let me finish the trunk!”
There was a young mother named Pat
Who spawned triplets named Rat, Bat, and Tat.
While fun in the breeding
They were hell in the feeding
When Pat found out there was no tit for Tat.
A gal went to the store to be fed:
Short-skirted, and her panties were shed.
When she bent to get rolls,
Thus revealing her holes,
She ended up getting bred instead.
These limericks don’t seem so hot,
Guess I too can give it a shot.
I’ll slap down some lines,
(With some imperfect rhymes)
See? Made one up right on the spot!
Mostly I like these poems too,
But I take some offence at a few,
Don’t mean to be mean,
But I find them obscene,
Even one by an Orthodox Jew!
Since first I wrote in to this thread,
It seems to have barely been read.
It’s useful to know,
That my readership’s low,
Lest celebrity go to my head.
There once was a girl named Alice,
That used dynamite as a fallice.
They found her vagina,
In North Carolina,
And her asshole in Buckingham Palace.
If you do take offence at this verse
And say that you find it perverse
Take a hit o’ some pot
Then you’ll like it a lot!
But pot has to legalized first 
Those pot-smoking lines were quite tough,
But I doubt if it goes far enough.
To make me so high,
That your verse would go by,
I would have to take really strong stuff.
The pot, they said, was bionic.
For it was grown hydroponic.
After one bong hit,
I said, “This is the shit,
That will tend to make me act moronic.”
I need help remembering part of my favorite off-color one:
There was a young man from Kent
Whose d-ck was so long it bent
And instead of coming he went.
Help!
This pot sure does help jesuslynch,
He smokes some - then writing’s a cinch.
The mess with this plan -
Why his lines don’t quite scan,
Is - he never has more than a pinch.
There was a young lady at sea
who said “God! How it hurts me to pee!”
“I see,” said the mate,
“That explains the sad state
of the captain, the purser, and me.”
Well, since you’ve touched on the subject…
There was a young maiden from Taylor
Whose Catholic Preist tryed to jail 'er
She got drunk one noon
And gave him the moon
And when caught she did swwwear like a sailor
There once was a poster named Sili
Embarrassed to write, but still willing
To rhyme out some lines
And make good ones, some times
But most of his stuff is quite chilling
Sili
Gigi
I think this is what you’re looking for:
There once was a man from Kent,
whose cock was so long it bent,
to save himself trouble,
he put it in double,
and instead of cumming he went.
A few of my favorites:
There once was a man named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in a cave,
she had only one tit,
and smelled worse than shit,
but think of the money Dave saved.
There once was a man from Kubot
who lived off of toe jam and snot,
when he had none of these,
he lived off the cheese,
from the tip of his grungy old cock
There once was a man from Nantucket,
whose cock was so long he could suck it,
while licking his chin,
he said with a grin,
if my ear was a pussy I’d fuck it.
This thread, for a while, has been great.
But alas - it’s been slumping of late.
If it falls off page one,
That’s the end of its run,
I’m abandoning it to it’s fate.
It’s fate though previously bleak,
Has been given a little tweak;
With a click and a thump,
to the front it did jump,
This thread is the best of the week.