There once was a long-haired hillbilly
Who liked to make rhymes that sound silly.
He invited his pals
(StraightDope guys & gals)
To post doggerel here willy-nilly.

I came upon she who was dreaming,
and my mind with a jolt starting scheming,
If she’d join me less chaste,
and would wed me post haste
Then my heart would forever be steaming…

  • dedicated to my love, jazzmine

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most
intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”


A friend asked of the system (this thread):
“Must the poem come from my head?”
I said “Yes, please don’t buck it.
We’ve all heard of Nantucket
And the hermit who liked his whores dead.”

There once was a girl ruled by fate
whose motto was “never too late”
in love she did fall
on her knees she would crawl
to keep him forever her mate.

trisha :slight_smile:

He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice - Albert Einstein

I’ve recently seen a nice ripple
Of interest in the male nipple.
A kiss or a squeeze
Makes me weak in the knees
And the size of my penis can triple.

Tennhippie, a poster with style,
Dared us to contribute a smile.
But he did it so well -
My own verses smell!
So I’ll give it a rest for awhile.

“Suck” as a curse is my peeve
'Cause it’s a pleasurable thing, I believe.
I’ve got nothing moral
Against anything oral
And I love to both give and receive.

Likewise, “fuck” as a negative word
Is a concept I find quite absurd.
When you say “Fuck you”
I say “Yes, please; you too!”
But insult is invariably inferred.

There once was a mathematician
Who preferred an exotic position.
'Twas the joy of his life
To achieve with his wife
Topologically complex coition

Kobolde, die sich mit rotheissen Schuereisen unter Aussenaborten verbergen.

While I often peruse the straight dope,
I’ve noticed some posters who cope
With wisdom and wit
Like taking a shit
And wiping their ass with a rope!

One thing you guys do has me vexed:
Foreign quotes at the end of your text.
I’m monolingual, you see,
So it’s all Greek to me:
Of which I know salad and sex.

Tennhippie-You are truly gifted.

To call it a gift with such haste
Suggests you have questionable taste.
Though puns from this brain
Have caused wincing pain,
It’s a terrible mind thing to waste.

One time I was with my dear Heather,
I tortured her with a light feather,
“That’s okay” she replied,
“But I prefer some raw hide,”
So I went out and bought whips of leather!

Brian O’Neill
CMC International Records

ICQ 35294890
AIM Scrabble1
Yahoo Messenger Brian_ONeill

There once was a man from Peru
Who’s limerick lines ended in two…

There once was a fellow named Satan
Whose pic made gals wish they were datin’
This devil in denim
And all the sin in ‘im
That made Rosemary regret that hot matin’

These philosophers start up some thread
Where I am confusedly led
Through debates on Free Will
Or whether All includes Nill:
Heated intercourse that occurs not in bed.

There was a longhaired hopper of clod
Who thought it’d be cute to play GOD.
He acted real cool
But he forgot (the poor fool)
That I could turn him right back into sod.

So the Old Guy thinks he’s so bad
That I’ll cower just because he is mad.
Well, for betta or worsa,
I made him, not vice versa.
So chill out in my image, Big Dad!

Hippie, I laughed out loud at your last one. Good job!