Perhaps I’m the only one this happens to, but strange thoughts some times wander through my mind as I’m trying to sleep. The one I had last night is something that should never make it into a children’s book:
“That said,” said Ella the Elephant. “We’re really going to have to kill your parents.”
What do you hope never makes it into a kid’s book?
“Sure you can pet the pussys” said the nice pet-store lady to little Tommy. “I have calicos, persians, and siamese, but here’s one that I know you’ll like!”
Has anyone seen the episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus where Eric Idle is trying to do a children’s book reading, but all the books become randomly pornographic?
Sadly, being dragged down the stairs by one foot ultimately resulted in severe head trauma and permanent brain damage for Winnie the Pooh, and Christopher Robin was tried for reckless endangerment. Tigger and Eeyore were both witnesses for Pooh, while Piglet, dispite continual declarations that “Pooh is my best friend”, gave very damaging testimony supporting Christopher Robin’s claim that Pooh has "always been funny in the head. " Owl and Rabbit could not be reached for comment.
“Of course, the little boy couldn’t make it across the river, because his mommy and daddy didn’t buy him the (insert book’s name) Inflatable Raft, available at Toys R Us for $14.95.”
“Timmy,” said kindly Father O’Conner. “You mother was wrong when she said it was partly your fault that your dad drank and got behind the wheel, killing all those people.”
Timmy breathed a sigh of relief.
“The fact of the matter is, you are such a terrible son that you drove him to drink. It’s all your fault, not just partly. Your mother should be more careful with her adjectives.”