“She’s very nice,but please don’t draw attention to her penis. She’s very sensitive about that.”
I’ll have to remember that one if the calls start again 
There’s a 1:30 AM?
“Mr. percy? Hi, this is Chris from Wells Fargo…
I was just having a couple beers at the club up the street from your place, and I started thinking about you. Why don’t I stop over and we can talk a while?”
“Or it’s free!”
Unfortunately my wife has a nephew in prison. We’re not allowed to call him, and when he calls it’s always masked as “unavailable,” possibly for privacy reasons. Since not having your calls answered when you’re in prison would suck big-time, we pick up every call, and have to endure all sorts of time-stealing schemes. And since his dad no longer has anything to do with him, I always make time for his calls.
Whenever I get those calls, I hold on for the human being and cuss them out as best as I can. Then I call the number back and continue to cuss.
I’ve yet to get a second call.
Also one can use ‘Google Voice’ for just about any nifty call routing you can think of. (Except for hunt groups for some reason, I really wish they had that.) The drawback is that you need to give everybody a new number. You can migrate your number over, but I’ve had enough trouble in the past with Google Voice that I’m hesitant to do that.
I do that constantly. I’ll create a “contact” named DoNotAnswer, then add robocall phone numbers to each slot under it. I set the contact’s ringtone to no ring. When it fills up, I create DNA2, etc.
stay classy, annie!
Thank you so much for that link. All is right with the world again!
This is like a stupid commercial come to life - that commercial where the guy is talking to some insurance agent or somebody at 2 in the morning, and his wife is all jealous and, “Who the hell are you talking to at 2 in the morning?”
No, no. First you tell the caller he has to pay in advance, and get credit card info.
Second step is up to you: how bad is your mood? 
We have a similar situation - an unknown caller might be from someone we know who is in a correctional facility. I tell my wife that he probably waited all week for the chance to call, and missing the chance to talk briefly or to pass on some news certainly would suck.
However, I’d like to know why the Wisconsin prison system shows up as coming from North Dakota! (Yes, I know, it’s the company handling the calls, but still…)
The last late morning call I received was from my ex. “Can me and (her friend) come over?”
No. Hang up the phone.
I was pissed because I thought it was an emergency.
I get random porn-spam calls from 800-249-8999. I can’t find out who owns the number, though.
This is what I was going to mention. It lets you do what Chimera wanted on any phone that allows different rings per person.
Though, in my ideal world, it would just go straight to voicemail without even that fake ring.
EDIT:
Meh, class is overrated when dealing with classless people.
This totally cracked me up. Couldn’t stop laughing for a good minute or two.
Oh, I’ve thought about that
A couple times I’ve thanked them for calling and said I’d be happy to give their phone number to the local police department (completely empty threat but it gets them off the phone in record time)