That's what I get for not checking the caller ID first...

Me: Hello? silence Hellooo?
Guy Who Sounds Like Drunk Raj from BBT: Hello? HELLO? Hello?
Me: Um…hello?
DR: Yes, hello. My name is Drunk Raj and I am with Microsoft internet computer services world authority. May I speak to name please? It is of the utmost importance right now.
Me: This is she.
DR: Yes! Yes! Did you know your computer is downloading bad terrible horrible malicious malware right now?
Me: Um…no?
DR: Oh yes yes! If you give me your information right now, I will help you fix this problem over the phone.
Me: What’s my email address, then? Maybe you could just email the information to me.
DR: Oh no no. I must help you right now over the phone or your computer will be destroyed! Right now! In two hours!
Me: Well which is it, right now or in two hours?:confused:
DR: Yes yes! Right now in two hours!
Me: I see. Well, you know what?
DR: What is that?
Me: I’m sorry but I think you’re probably full of it and I want you to take me off your list.
DR: Yes yes I can take you off the list but your computer will be destroyed right now in two hours!:mad: click

I also get lots of calls from Rachel at Card Member Services. When I press one to talk to a live person to ask them to PLEASE please PLEASE take me off their list since I’m on the Do Not Call List, they hang up on me. Sometimes before I can make my request, because I tell them No I don’t want their help. I just want them to go away.

I’m sure the “I’m calling from Microsoft” people don’t have a list, but just configure the dialler to try every number. I mean, they’re busy committing fraud. How do you expect them to have time to maintain a list?

Did he say anything about polymorphic viruses? I’ve heard that one before.

I swear the government shut Rachel from Cardholder Services down a few years ago, but now she’s back with the same recordings. We can catch Bin Laden but we can’t find out where all these calls are coming from? The collective cost in time has to be in the millions of minutes wasted by people answering those stupid calls.

My personal solution for calls that I don’t recognize on caller ID is to hit the answer button, then immediately disconnect. Next best thing to just ignoring them.

“Well, just read the necessary code out to me right now over the phone and I’ll type it in.”

You know the best/worst thing you can do to these telemarketers and scammers is waste their time. My dad would pretend to go along with their pitch for a little bit, then he would say, “I’ve got to take something off the stove–hold on just a second.” Then he would lay the phone down and leave it for a few minutes. If they were still on the line when he came back, he would let them start their spiel again and then say, “Oh, someone’s at the door–hang on a minute.” Lather, rinse, repeat, until they hang up.

I suppose if you had someone with you, you could stage a fight for the guy to hear. Or loud sex.

Here’s the way to handle telemarketers:


My credit card was being managed by a group calling themselves “Cardmember Services”; they were perfectly legitimate, but when they called me I thought they were a scam. They started using the name of the bank instead a year or so ago.

I like the idea of a drug deal gone bad. Ending in gunshots, if at all possible. Not real gunshots or anything, but this is a mighty good reason to keep a sound board app on your phone ready at all times.

I don’t know if your phone will let you, but *80. You can block up to 12 numbers, so if Rachel from Card Services isn’t cycling numbers, it should take care of it. Call block service is free for every provider I’ve ever used.

We do this on occasion, just say ‘sure, just a second’, put the phone down and start to shriek at the other people in the room, who yell things back, until it all ends in a tussle and phone goes dead. We call it ‘redneck opera’.

Lately, though, I just say “does your mother know that you’re a thief”? and variants on that, hoping that someday one of them will find another job due to my intervention. It also discombobulates them.

Fear Itself–no. But then again I didn’t catch everything he said at first I nearly dropped the phone.

Sometimes, Slim grabs the phone from me and just starts talking which also shuts them up right away. He’s at that stage (I guess) where he thinks every single person who calls the house wants to talk to him, even though most of the time they want to talk to Stickman or I. :smiley:

Rachel? I get Lisa from Cardholder Services. She’s a bitch.

Anyway, the magic phrase is not “Take me off your list”. It’s “Put me on your Do Not Call list.”

I recently got one of those “Warning: this is your FINAL NOTICE to sign up for our stupid scam credit card fraud thing” calls. I had to hit 1 to talk to a person, and I did so so I could chew them out. The lady got irritated with ME, because, you see, I had called HER (by hitting 1) and was wasting HER time.

No, it’s not. Those particular “Microsoft” calls are from scammers in India who don’t give two fucks about the Do Not Call list or any law in any country that they’re calling, as Gorsnak said. At best you will get one of them saying “yes yes we put you on our list yes thank you” and then calling back again anyway.

I wonder how Drunk Raj would react if you said, “Yeah, I know. It’s my scumbag cheating boyfriends computer and I’m deliberately destroying it! Thanks for letting me know it’s working.”

Yes, theoretically, ALL telemarketers are supposed to comply with this list. However, the ones who are breaking the law about calling people on the state or national DNC list aren’t gonna comply with your request.

I get a lot of telemarketing calls on my cell phone. If I happen to answer it, and it’s a telemarketer, I say “This number has been on the Do Not Call list for at least two years, why are you calling?” and I’m usually told that I gave out the number. “Try again, I’ve given out this number to my husband, my daughter, my brother, and my sister. You don’t sound like any of them.” Then I heap as much abuse as I possibly can on him/her until the telemarketer hangs up.