A Tale of Two Cities: The French are crazy.
Ender’s Game: Pick on the wrong nerd, and he’ll go Columbine on your ass.
Gone With the Wind: Southerners are crazy. Some of them are bitches, too.
The Catcher in the Rye: Grow up.
A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch: Russians are tough bastards.
Crime and Punishment: Wordy, too.
Naked Lunch: Drugs are bad.
A Scanner, Darkly: Real bad.
Catch-22: War is crazy. You, however, aren’t crazy enough.
The Old Man and the Sea: Real men fish without nets. Real men are no match for sharks.
Charlotte’s Web: Spiders can be surprisingly good friends, but you’re bound to outlive them.
The Secret Garden: Gardening, a healthy diet, and a friend who is as spoiled as you are. Those are the keys to a happy life.
The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe: The Bible would have been way cooler with talking animals.