At work, we all use several different pens and markers for different purposes. Like true lab geeks, we have to carry half a dozen (at least) in our lab coats.
Often, someone discovers they have misplaced their highlighter, and ask to use one of mine.
“How about the black one?” I offer, handing over my fat black Sharpie.
I like to ask joggers if they have a smoke (sometimes a light). Almost everyone will say “No”, however for some reason they seem to pat their chest pocket, to check.
And I don’t even smoke
I got a mean one-
Go to a magic store, or this coming Halloween buy these at Target or ???: You need those fake plastic spiders and a bit of sticky-tack. Go into the bathroom and stick a spider to the underside of a roll of toilet paper. The next person to use the bathroom will pull the paper, and the spider will roll up and on top. Mean. Very mean. 
[disclaimer, I have no clue if this is illegal or not] If a restaurant pisses you off, make fake coupons and leave them at the info areas in stores or at the thrift store or ??? Make them good, but not TOO good to be true…then the restaurant will probably honor a few of them before they get a clue. Conversely, if you want to get a single person, leave them on their porch so that they are the only ones to use them.[/disclaimer]
-Tcat
I’m going to try this with the next obnoxious salesperson! FUN FUN FUN!!!
Where do you live that strangers do this, and don’t get groceries or building materials dropped on them?
One we like to play at work. We get a lot of visitors at my place of employment. Apparently, looking at 737’s being put together is fascinating. The trick is to have a co-worker stand 5 to 10 behind one of the visitors. Then someone else walks towards the visitor asking them how they are doing, how the family is, etc. While doing this, you look at the victim straight in the eyes. Extending a hand for a handshake also works. Then at the last moment, veer around the victim and walk up to the co-worker. The dumbfounded looks are hilarious. It’s an old Candid Camera gag but still works.
Ok this is absolutly terrible. But it was funnier than shit.
Last year the Hazmat team came to the complex where I work, so they could see what it looked like in the event of an emergancy. Enriovemental health and safety (snort) gave them a tour of the BSL-3 and BSL-4 area… while I was in our BSL-3 doing work.
So I just finish spinning something in the centerfuge, take out my tube and look up… I see 5 faces pressed against the glass of the door staring at me.
I get a shocked look on my face and drop the tube I’m holding. Then quickly look down with a “Oh my god, I just killed everyone in texas” look on my face. 
Hehehehe never has so much fun been had with 12 mLs of RPMI 1640
Oh, she wasn’t being obnoxious. She was by the register, and I was standing near the register as my co-worker paid her bill. When the lady asked if I needed help, “Well, I was thinking of buying a chain saw; but I see you don’t carry night vision goggles.” just sort of popped out.
Ya know, I was gonna get all uppity and toss a Cecil Classic Link in your general direction.
I can’t find it.
There isn’t one, so I’ll have to draw from personal experience: I’ve only seen the “where’s the thirteenth floor??”-phenomenon in the US. Perhaps some seasoned travellers can weigh in on this one?
My wife absolutely haaates me everytime I do this, but later she admits it was funny. Sometimes I get punched by her in elevators for doing this, but:
I turn to her in crowded elevators, and in a hushed but urgent tone I say, "well, if it’s not MY baby, then who’s is it? It makes for a very akward ride for the others, while my wife turns beat red and tries to stiffle her laughter.
As a teenager, I am often dragged by my so-called friends into the epitome of angst known as “Hot Topic,” where it is in the contract that every salesperson must be the most pretentious, obnoxious jackass he can be. I enjoy pretending that I am a, “child of the night” and that, “my soul has pain.” Sadly, there are so many people that do this seriously that no one even realizes the mocking. Another fun thing to do is to take my mother with me. She’ll look at the clothing and say things like, “OH, WE USED TO WEAR THESE WHEN WE WENT TO SCHOOL!” This, of course, horrifies everyone. And then we laugh and plan other ways to take over the world.
<hijack>
Sometimes, I wonder if someone woke up one morning and said, “Hey, I’m going to make a store and infuse it with as much irony as possible.” Ergo… Hot Topic was born.
</hijack>
So how do you milk a cow?
The military has a long tradition of harassing the new guy. A black shoe favorite is the ever popular sea bat but but I stick with items that sound official and real to a new guy who just fell off the turnip wagon, go get me fifty feed of shore/flight line, a bucket of jet/prop wash, etc. My pesonal favorite is to send someone for a tube of relative bearing grease.
When I’m in the middle of a group of people (restaurant, big party, concert, whatever) and somebody on one side is waving and trying to get the attention of somebody behind me, I’ll smile and wave back. You get a really good startled look sometimes. If they don’t get it and keep waving, just stand up and start walking over.
My mom loves doing this kind of stuff. When my oldest daughter was a baby, the three of us would go to the mall and find stuff to spoil the baby.
We would be in a crowded store and the baby would start crying. My mother would then act as if she didn’t know me, and would start trouble.
Mom: “Lady, you need to hush that baby up. She’s too noisy.”
Me: “Back off, you old bat. She’s just a little baby.” Then I’d roll my eyes at the open-mouthed people watching. “Can you believe this woman? Geez!”
Mom: “It’s people like you who make shopping trips unbearable. I hope you’re happy.” Then she storms out. A few minutes later we meet up outside, giggling at the spectators’ expressions.
Sheri
You people are so Curel :eek:
I love it
Padeye: The guard where I used to work had been in the Navy. The first time aboard ship they sent him to get some red-and-white-striped paint for safty markings.
On my first day at my first ‘real’ job, they tried to send me to stores for a long weight.
DarkWriter - our family is known for that trick too. One time my father and I reached for the same empty shopping cart at the same time, so we started playing tug-of-war. He would be saying “Have a little respect! You can walk all the way to the front of the store to get another one!” and I was answering “I saw it first. You get your own cart, old man!” People were incensed at my rude behaviour.
Oh and in a flash of surprising inspiration with a telemarketer the other day:
TM: [scripted introduction]…and can I ask how much your company currently spends on voice telecommunications
Me: I have literally no idea
TM: Hmm, well, how many lines and handsets do you have, roughly?
Me: None
TM: But…
Me: That’s the strange thing; we don’t have a single phone in the place.
TM: [Long silence]
Me: [Hangs up]
Fart in the Foyer.
Places that have two sets of doors with the little room twixt, like crAppleBee, TGIFriday and OutHouse Backsteak are perfect for leaving stinky air-buiscuits for unsuspecting patrons to walk into. Ain’t nothin’ like a festering flatus smacking you in the Gob as you walk into a nice eating-place!
Overheard at the Shakespeare production: “You mean to tell me this whole thing centers around someone mixing these two people up? Look at the tits on that woman! Even gay Uncle Matt could peg her for a chick!”