A friend of mine uses the “…and there was blood everywhere!” one pretty often, as well as “So, long story short, I thought the cop was a prostitute!” They’ve gotten us some interesting looks in public.
My friends and I used to amuse ourselves by working a small variation of the “stand in corner of elevator, staring at wall” gag. It’s called “Stand in corner, stare at wall, after about five minutes, start humming softly”. Guaranteed to gather strange looks, but works especially well if what you’re humming is something like the theme from “Halloween” or “Mission Impossible”… Never raise your voice, though. The point is to get this quiet, incessant sound to permeate the brains of every person on that elevator, until they’re all nervous and glancing around.
Other past favorites have included using a hand puppet to communicate with other people, constantly telling the contents of your purse/bag to “shut up and quit complaining, it’s only a few more floors”, and -my personal favorite- introducing your new socks to everyone on the elevator. Individually. During summer clearance sales (a larger captive audience). 
Go to the zoo and find the reptile house (or some other animal which can be difficult to spot.) Find a cage/display in which the animal has been removed for one reason or another. Get a couple of friends to start exciting gesticulating and say “Oh, there it is! I see it now. Wait…where’d it go? Oh, there it is!” You get the picture. Eventually a small group of people will form, looking for the non-existant beast. Step back and enjoy the show.
When a friend of mind was a house painter 15 years ago, he worked with a guy who had been painting since WWII. When he was fresh on the job and didn’t know anything about anything, the old man sent him to the paint store to get some “vinyl thinner”. The guy at the paint store (who’d been through this before) went into the back and returned with a bucket of water and said “Here you go”.
I was rooked one time into chasing down a “sky-hook” when I was working at a Department store years and years ago.
A buddy of mine used to go to the center of malls and simply stare upwards and point once in a while. You’d be amazed how many folks would search the mall ceiling looking for something.
I always got a kick outta of leaving additional text on somebody else’s handwritten notes. A friend of mine left a note at work for her boss. She was 17 and he must have been 65. She wrote him a note indicating what she had done that day. I found the note and found a matching pen and wrote “PS. I Love You” on the bottom. Never heard what happened after that.
That’s my dirty little trick as well, only I do it in Borders book stores, with the non-sticky security slips (“Tattle Tapes” for those in the know).
Borders sticks these security slips near the spine of big, pricey books, but doesn’t glue them. They just fall out. So I riffle through the art books, surreptitiously collecting four or five of these security slips between my fingers.
I should also mention that I actually have magic palmestry and sleight-of-hand training.
Heh, heh, heh…
So I, during the Christmas season, can be seen merrily bobbing and weaving around shoppers, depositing my little seeds of chaos in every open purse, baby stroller and shopping bag.
Who could have done this? Certainly not that well-dressed bespecticled fellow.
*Heh, heh, heh! *
True story. I got this packet of realistic looking, but plastic Sacajawea dollar play money at the local 99 cent store.
I kept dropping them in toilets and urinals. Then as if to outdo myself, I got a fake diamond ring at the 99 cent store and dropped that in a toilet! I still don’t know what people’s reaction was to it because I didn’t stick around to find out. You know if you have a 99 cent store in your area, they might have some of these things I described. Joke shops are great for these items too.
Oh, and I forgot a joke I have been thinking about for some time now. Find a book on feminism by Gloria Steinem. Go to the section where she goes into a big rant against pornography–and book mark it with a Playboy or Hustler business reply card!!
I got this idea from a real event. A couple of years ago I was browsing at my college’s library when I got to a book on religion. Someone had stuck a Playboy in the book! I thought I would laugh out loud. You realize though, I’ve never gotten enough nerve to do a prank like this;).
When I was a waitress at TGIFriday’s, we had a whole roster of gags to play on new servers…we’d send them to dry storage to find “cranberry wheels” and “canned pork chops.”
We’d tell new servers that we’d gotten in a shipment of “unacceptably long” straws. We’d have them trim 3/4’s inch off each and every damn straw. (The sad part is, they always did.)
The bartenders would also tell the newbies that “We’re out of vodka! I need you to go to the back and grab me a box of potatoes.”
But the worst joke was when we’d tell them to “empty out all the hot water” in the coffee machines. (For those of you who’ve never seen a commercial coffee maker, the hot water is constantly generated and does not ever run out.)
In my convenience store days, we once got a shipment of groceries that included a softball size chunk of dry ice. Which I promptly carried to the women’s room and dumped in the toilet.
I’ve never seen so many perplexed people walking out of a bathroom.
No, this works best when driving past an Adult Bookstore. If you see a man entering or leaving, speed-up, honk, wave and yell “Hi dad!”.
No, this works best when driving past an Adult Bookstore. If you see a man entering or leaving, speed-up, honk, wave and yell “Hi dad!”.
A guy I used to work with did this in high school:
- Located an empty dumpster.
- Put a lump of sodium in a carboard box.
- Put the box in the empty dumpster.
- Lit the box on fire.
(You should see it coming now…)
- Waited for the fire department to spray the fire down with water.