Corrollary to the voice mail thing (mostly work related):
If I leave you a message, it will contain everything you need to know in order to call me back with the proper information that I called you to get.
Do not, I repeat do not simply call me back and say “did you call? I saw your number on my phone,” and make me repeat everything I just said in the voice mail. Listen to my message before you call me back! Argh!
People who put 97 different phone numbers on their voice mail: Hi! I’m not here right now. If you want, you can try me at my office (number follows) or in my car (number follows) or at home (number follows) or at my SO’s (number follows). What is this, a Woody Allen movie?
And people who think “He’s not in right now. Can I take a message” means “Tell me your entire life story with 97 variations.”
I share many of the phone-related peeves, but have to put in a word of defense. Sometimes it’s reasonable to not leave a message and try again “Hi? Shade? It’s Friend. Just calling to say your Dad died. Call me.” or “Hi, Shade? It’s that cute girl from last night. I just rang up to check you got back ok. If you sound pleased to hear from me, I’m going to ask you out again, else I’m going to pretend that I don’t care.”
What annoys me is when people try to be too tactful! If you say “You’d best be going, or you’ll be late” I can interpret that as “Go away” but as a follow-up to “could you make x y and z changes to the website you maintain for me” it’s confusing to say “but no hurry, whenever you have the time” when you mean “but NOT YET, the information doesn’t apply untill next month.”
Perfume inserts in magazines. Any magazine opening defaults to the page where it’s inserted and blasts a cloud of allergenic floral scents in my face.
The convention of placing punctuation marks inside quotes.
That many tourists smile when they get their picture taken in front of Ground Zero. It’s not a fricking monument to man’s greatness. Would they pose as if they were taking a shower for a picture at Auschwitz? This really deserves a rant.
Soup slurping
People who don’t say “God Bless You” or “gesundheit” when someone sneezes. I’m an atheist and I say it.
That I have to use two remotes to watch TV. One for volume and another that does everything else.
People who stand on the left side of a busy elevator when someone is clearly trying to pass. Stand Right, Walk Left people!
In no particular order:
People who leave phone messages, but don’t really know how to leave a phone message. They just ramble on like they were actually talking to somone and keep going and going and going, until your answering machine auto stops.
People who think they are the redisent expert after only being exposed to a subject for only a very short time. I have a friend who does this all the time and it drives me nuts. When we were 15, he found out I had a black belt in Tang Soo Do Karate and thought it was the coolest thing ever. Not only did he start taking Karate classes, he suddently knew EVERYTHING about martial arts. He bought tons of martial arts related stuff including a Samurai Sword and several throwing stars. He did the same thing to me AGAIN to me about 10 yrs later when I showed him a few magic tricks. Suddenly he was the resident expert in magic and not only had some props, but they were the BEST props, plus he had been down at the local magic shop taking lessons for the past couple weeks. Nevermind he didn’t know any actual sleights. Nevermind he didn’t have any kind of presentation for his stuff. It drove me nuts, but I did manage to get him back by flooring him with one of the easiest card tricks in the book that required absolutely no sleights whatsoever (It was all in the presentation). He just looked at me for a moment, then said, “Well you probably just palmed it off or something”. I love the kind of revenge that you get when they don’t even know you have gotten them.
Clumsy people. People that are constantly spilling or dropping things.
People that talk while they are chewing food. My family has a bad habit with this one, I even catch myself doing it sometimes ugh.
People that nudge you everytime they say something.
People that think it’s a friendly gesture to forward every spam e-mail they get to you.
People that think their coffee cup is a bell to be rung by their spoon while they stir.
[ul]
[li]People who don’t shut off their windshield wipers long after it has stopped raining. Even worse is when their wiper blades need to be replaced and make that horrible rubbing/scraping sound across the windshield.[/li][li]People who clean out their ears with a key. This is just plain gross![/li][li]People at work who have conversations in the aisles between cubicles, especially at intersections. Ditto for the ones who think the stairs are a good place to chat. We have plenty of common areas around the facility where a small group can sit down and discuss matters and not obstruct the path of other people, but yet people are too lazy to walk over to them.[/li][li]People who will call me 7 or 8 times while I am out. How do I know they called 7 or 8 times? Because it’s on my caller ID! These people know I have caller ID, so I will see that they have called and I will call them back as soon as I am home. One call is enough, thank you.[/li][li]Movies being advertised on TV as being available in DVD and “video.” Apparently they are overlooking the fact that DVD is a form of video! They should say “VHS” instead (and some of them, fortunately, do.)[/li][li]Rap music. Nothing redeeming about it at all. End of story.[/li][/ul]
I’d think of more, but I need to get back to work.
I’ve had the misfortune to see many people taking photographs, and even posing for photographs, both in the (replica) gas chamber at Auschwitz, and also in the real (very un-replica) main extermination camp.
I’ve never felt so disgusted in my life, for both of two reasons.
Tell them a Biro lid works much better 
Here are a few of mine…
Guys in trousers without a belt - if your pants have beltloops than wear a belt. Plain and simple…(The only exception are lowrise jeans or drawstrings)
People eating with their mouths opened - just plain gross…were you raised in the gutter?
The before-mentioned cellphone on the underground/metro.
Loud people having conversations…not to be racist but afro-americans seem to have a knack for this. Shouting as if the person talking to is across the street instead of standing next to them.
People in the grocery check-out line - so you waited for 15 mins to have all your items scanned, another 5 to have all your coupons scanned and still you have to search for 10 mins through your wallet to find your credit card…
This will feel good to get out of my system:
Idiots that pass me on the freeway just before they exit. Is your life that short that you feel like risking mine?
Car dealers that don’t put the prices on their used cars in the lot. Even worse, putting a monthly payment instead of the price.
Getting a pistachio nut without a ready made crack to pry apart.
Walkie talkie phones. It’s bad enough to hear your end of the conversation, now I gotta listen to both you idiots.
Any food item that comes in a zippered plastic bag. Half the time you can’t open it without destroying it.
People that leave their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle. Or they park next to a post, blocking off the entire aisle.
People with carry on luggage on airplanes. Especially the arrogant nimrods that think their jimungous bag gets to hog all the space meant for three passengers.
Those little wedges of snow that pack up behind your front wheels in winter. Especially when they grow so large they scrape the tire.
TV networks that temporarily reduce the height of the picture, but not the width, in order to put some self promotion at the bottom of the screen. Game Show Network is notorious for this.
Newspapers that take a story and spread it over two pages when it can quite easily fit on one.
I’ll add a couple of my own:
Speaking of people chatting in inappropriate places: the bathroom lounge at work is a place to put on makeup/make sure you look decent/rest. It is not a place where you can plop your fat ass down and talk to your friends about your lousy ass boyfriend or whatever. Maybe I’m a prude, but I don’t feel like having you listen in when I’m doing my business. Go out for lunch sometimes!
I have to agree with the african american loud thing. When I used to take the bus, there would always be a group that would have to sit on opposite sides of the bus and yell to each other loudly instead of sitting near each other and chatting. And then giving you dirty looks like it’s your fault.
The whole perfume thing. I honestly shouldn’t have to smell your perfume unless I’m kissing your neck and do you see me doing that? I don’t need the whole bathroom to reek of it hours after you’ve left.
Business people who don’t return phone calls within a reasonable amount of time.
And my biggest pet peeve: Old people. Whether driving really slow on the road with a big hat, or plodding along in the grocery store while I’m only on my lunch break, complaining about Social Security, or stopping to talk in the middle of any bus intersection. Yes I know I’m going to be old one day. Yes, I may be just like them. But hopefully I will remember to have common courtesy when I get to that age.
TV Movies… Channels that take a 62 minute movie and stretch it across 2 hours by way of commercials every other minute. Sci Fi channel? I’m talking to you!
Any repetitive noise (like the windshield wipers on dry glass or squeaky hinges)
People <tsk> who suck <tsk> their teeth <tsk> when talking. <tsk tsk tsk>
Glurge. Ya know Mom, I love you, but if you send me one more picture of a sad kitten “just to brighten my day” or a sappy sentimental story of how Jesus rescues discarded puppies that smell like ozone or whatever, I will have to beat you to a bloody pulp with your keyboard. And that Applebee’s gift certificate hoax? If it didnt’ work the first time STOP sending it out!
ARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHhh.
FreeCell, the game, when it asks me whether I want to move the column or just a single card. Just move the friggin’ column! I can’t think of any situation where there would be any point to moving just a single card to an empty space when you could move awhole column. But I have to interrupt the flow of my game to respond to that stupid little pop-up box.
When I get a phone call and it’s a recorded message that just gives me a number to call. Screw you; if you can’t tell me who you are and what it’s about, don’t expect me to call you back. I’m not going to participate in my own phone solicitation.
What about if moving a single card freed a card that cut be ‘put up’ (to the top right, I forget the terminology), and underneath was something the single card could be moved back to?
Cell phones ringing in theaters, churches, classrooms & business meetings. Has no one discovered their phone’s silent operation?
Another vote on phone message for people who recite their phone # to fast, and for those who won’t leave brief messages on voice mail.
Computer crashes/lock ups & how we accept them as normal. Now if your car locked up on the freeway…
The TV news cycle/pack mentality and lack of creative, in-depth, original analysis.
Celebrity worship, Who’s wearing what to where, Madonna kissing anybody, Paris Hilton anywhere.
My employer’s main headquarters has two sets of double doors that lead in from the sidewalk to the lobby. You walk in from the street, and whissk! the first doors open, sliding apart a la Star Trek, and you’re inside a little 6-foot vestibule. You continue walking forward, and whissssk! the inner door opens. The double doors are there, presumably to help keep the lobby warm by defying the wintry blasts of 65F-degree air that howl through the land of El Segundo, CA in the wintertime. Actually that in itself is quite stupid, but that’s not really the stupid bit.
This is the really stupid bit.
The footstep sensors are active all the way out to the curb. That means, without walking on the asphalt, there’s no way to walk past the building without opening the outer doors. If you’re going to have storm doors in Southern California, stupid as that might be, you should at least make sure people can walk past the building without opening them, or the entire purpose is defeated.
You wait in a long line. Finally the person in front of you is making their order, but they have to think about it for awhile.
Parents that have gone numb to their children’s bad behavior.
People that toss their litter in the parking lot.
People that argue with the cashier that the price on the shelf was 3 cents less than what they were charged.
Waiters / waitresses / counter people that recite your options so fast you can’t understand them, then expect and immediate answer.
Cashiers that say, “can I help you”, then turn and talk to their co-worker.
I was going to write that one down too but for some reason I forgot! That bugs the shit out of me. And ironically enough, my wipers make that horrible sound even though I replace my blades on a regular basis.
Another thing that annoys me: People who have a dog/dogs that come running and barking to the door whenever someone rings the doorbell. I’m trying to break mine of the habit of doing so :o
It’s really more amusing than annoying, but I have an acquaintance that often leaves phone message much like this (spoken rather slowly, in a voice close to monotone):
Hi, this is Amy. I know we made a plan to meet at 4 o’clock and you said you’d be away until then but I thought of some things I’d like to talk about and so I decided to call you on your telephone so we could talk about them and your phone rang but you weren’t home and your answering machine answered so I’m talking to your answering machine and leaving this message to let you know that I called because I wanted to talk to you. So if you get this message maybe you could call me except I’m probably going to be running errands so I won’t get your call so maybe it would be better to wait until we meet at 4 and we could talk about everything then. Thanks – bye.