Live from MO Dope: Can You Hear Me Now?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

We are coming to you live from the bustling metropolis of Ashland, MO, the home of the sprawling estate of the one and only sperfur.

misstee and withaK have made a stunning comeback to win a rousing round of Strip Trivial Pursuit. The rest of the crew is naked as a result. The pudding wrasslin’ has gone well, with Wikkit trouncing all comers :wink: and beating his mighty hairless chest in a Viking victory cry. Pictures to follow.

Skip has confessed that he has yet to get into his wife’s pants, but we have them in hand and are stretching them for all we are worth. misstee has the butter tub in hand and is slathering him up as we type.

It rained like it wasn’t supposed to, so God is on our shit list again (AGAIN!). Alcohol consumption is rising steadily and is expected to hit an all-time high around 11PM. Wisconsinites watch out!

Horseflesh was the first to bare his impressive man-boobs, but Erika and auntie em are about to become contestants in this questionable competition. Horseflesh is expected to take home the prize though (a broken couch w/remote control).

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Stupid pants.

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I can’t believe you guys are having so much fun without me.

It’s just not fair. I went to the Royals game (which was patheitc, let me tell you) when I could have been naked and covered in pudding.

4

We’re back from the gay bar. Everyone has new bestest buddies. misstee got hit on by a gay guy and made him see a whole 'nuther side of himself. Wikkit is very undrunk at the moment but we are rectifying that situation at this very moment.

Melissa is sperfie’s new girlfriend and we all got to taste her. She (Melissa) bought her drinks all night and asked for her phone number, which is 1-900-GETSOME. You go girl.

Wikkit has proved himself to not only be a champion of the pudding ring but also of the dance floor (and dart board). Although all of us got nasty on the floor, withaK was approached by the most people for a repeat performance. His driving skills are matched only by his billiard abilities. You go boy.

Erika has shown her true colors as a dart shark and handily beat 3 other drunk Dopers at a game of 301. Yeah, we know, you’re just playin’ us.

Horseflesh proved to be a mighty force on the dance floor and nearly blew everyone away. You go Horse.

It’s now time for the serious inebriated shenanigans to begin, and we will keep you posted. Just one word: BATHTUBS.

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Two of us have shed our clothes now, Wikkit is working on getting out of his clothes, Erika and withaK are still wearing their party clothes. sperfur is giving Wikkit a back rub.
Horseflesh found his sticker, it was lower down than misstee remembered putting it. A little FYI, he is now wearing some guy named Javier’s pants and shirt.

I would love to post more but I can hear the water running, so I gotta get going to the bath tubs!!!

Those who didn’t come sure missed out on a lot.

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This paragraph might make more sense rearranged as such, since I’m the driver:

It was still written by a drunk person, as are mosts posts in this thread.

sperfur did a really good Chevy Chase pratfall into one of her end tables earlier; and amazingly the cat still likes her even though sper won’t stop playing with its ass.

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She’s also giving lessons on prime spots to lick. What parents could find anything wrong with this stuff, Mirror?

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And both auntie em and I just woke up from a long, coma-like rest, which was the direct result of yet another try at those damnable pants. Maybe, one of these days…

That’s all I’m sayin’.

We regret leaving the other MO Dopes early (before everyone started shaking their groove things), but our furry little children cried out for us. I, personally, regret leaving early, because I was hoping to convince sperfur to put on another round of Andy Gibb.

Damn these animals!

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If you give a little more than you’re asking for,
Your love will turn the key -
I just want to be your everything…

Jello shots. Melissa and I bought each other Jello shots all night. She was hot.

I slept all freakin’ day. Didn’t think I’d get back to sleep after my human pillow (withaK’s lap) left, but I did. I used Maggie as a pillow for a while, but she wasn’t nearly as comfortable.

Now I’m trying to figure out where to upload the photos of the pudding wrestling. Soon as I figure it out, I’ll post a link.

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Weeeeellll, you can zip 'em up and send them to [email=opalcat@mail.fathom.org] OpalCat (she puts photos of Dopefests up at her Fathom site), or you can do what I initially did and start up a page at Club Photo.

Or you can sacrifice them to Satan. G’bless! :wink:

By the way: you’re the best for including Andy Gibb in this thread. I would have voted him for King–even if Teddy Pendergast was running against him.

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I need that sweet sensation of living in your love
I can’t breath when you’re away,
It pulls me down.
You are the question
And the answer am I…

All Andy Gibb, all the time. Just for you, Skippy.

Jasper is sitting at my feet while I work on the photo albums. Farting.

I think he’s still pissed about the enema.

misstee said, “Stop sticking things up my ass!”

I replied, “Its been such a long time since anyone’s said that to me…”

You and auntie em missed one hell of a bar party, Skip.

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*Setting my sights in one only direction
Searching for romance and showing affection
I guess I’ve been a no one
Standing in the cold dark waiting for your love

Time is time
Don’t give me no wrong in makin love
Love is love
Turn me around till you burn me up
Now is now
We master the world
In time we’ll make it all right, all right*

I’m still uploading but here’s the link. There’s one album there right now - there will eventually be three.

Horseflesh stated above that Wikkit was the unquestioned winner of the pudding wrestling. I disagree. I think the photos will speak for themselves… :stuck_out_tongue:

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Jasper is now sitting him my lap - rubbing his shitty ass all over my shirt. And farting.

Yeah - he’s still pissed…

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I’m finally home. WithaK and misstee should be home soon. I’ll let WK explain.

Big thanks to sperfur for being a super hostess. She had enough food for the entire SDMB, and if people were willing to share bedrooms, enough space for most of Missouri in her house. Thanks a bunch. All of you "maybe"s should feel guilty for not showing up.

The gay bar was awesome. Now I need to find one up here. It turns out that I’m still OK at pool, lucky at darts, and still don’t dance. I was dissapointed that I didn’t get hit on by any gay guys; I expect an apology from the SDMB Gay Cartel (TINSDMBGC) forthwith.

And thanks to everyone who was there, especially the Iowa Dopers™ without whom I would have had to drive by myself.

[sub][sub][sub]Admittedly, the trip home would have been five hours shorter…[/sub][/sub][/sub]

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Sperfur–you are the best! You provided the food, the cool house, a kitty for me to traumatize, and the best possible picture set-up ever… did you guys see the picture of me behind the 1920’s Style Death Ray sign?

Beautiful!

If you missed it, you gotta click here!

Thank you sooo much for a great time, sperfur! And thanks to the rest of you for keeping us laughing the entire night. :slight_smile:

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Wooftah. I made it home (finally!) about 1PM but I had to pull over on the turnpike for about 20 minutes to doze. Ugh, traffic in KC was harrowing enough without these anvils tugging at my eyelids.

All in all, a great dopefest. The genital piercing produced a lot less blood and a whole lot more shrieks of joy than I had originally thought. I just wish misstee had stuck around for the lovely rhinestone spangle that I had been saving for just the right person. Hope you like it, Wikkit.

The pudding wrasslin’ ended in an exhaustive free-for-all with no less than 500 pounds of butterscotch goodness being flung around with no regards to safety. Skip was nominally the winner and was presented with the Golden Banana, but I feel we were all winners in this event. 2004 Olympics, here we come! You must be so proud of your non-gay husband, auntie em.

The gay bar was great. I personally had the privilege of dancing with the three most gorgeous women there, sperfur, Erika, and misstee. You just haven’t lived until you’ve been surrounded by female yumminess on three sides. Drinks were drunk, jello was snarfed, darts were thrown, and asses were ogled. I just hope they’ll let us come back some day, especially after that incident on the floor with the goat and the balloon.

withaK showed us his war wounds, and of particular interest was the third eye poking it’s way through his forehead. Hope everything comes out okay. :wink:

As mentioned before, sperfur showed us the 17 places on the body that can be licked and cause the recipient to spasm and make wimpering sounds. She also showed us how to lengthen and strengthen our tongues, with some of us obtaining an astounding length of 12 inches and able to lift a full can of beer. I am now a master of the lethal art of Tongue Fu. Beware.

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*You alone are the living thing that keeps me alive
And tomorrow if I’m here without your love
You know I can’t survive
Only my love can raise you high above it all

Don’t throw it all away , our love , our love
Don’t throw it all away , our love*

That’s all the Andy I have for ya, Skip.

I screwed up and put all the photos into one album. I’m going to try to break it out into three if I can figure it out in a timely manner. The pudding photos are now uploading.

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Okay - photos are all uploaded and broken into albums.

It occured to me that I forgot to take pics of myself. I promised Opalcat that I’d have some from this dopefest, too. Should’a taken some in my new pants. Oops.

Okay, withaK. We want to hear why it took you ten hours to get home instead of five. What happened?

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What a raggedy life Andy had…

I’m excited to see all of the pictures up, sperfur. I’m also very pleased to see that the ones of me molesting auntie em with my plastic doppelganger came out exceedingly clear. They’ll be very useful in the future should I have need to look for a new job. Hopefully Mattell will hire me.

[sub]Barbie could only be so lucky. And Ken? Wow.[/sub]

Oh, and yes… I also want to hear why it took so long for our Northern brethen to return home. I mean, I know yous guys are from Iowa and all, but that only explains the lack of branches on certain trees. It says nothing about being directionally challenged. :wink:

20

The cop car died just north of Des Moines, I am not directionally challenged. Sure, I missed the turn to get to I80, but even if I hadn’t, it still would’ve taken as long to get home.

After a slight detour through the edge of Des Moines (without ever not knowing where we were) we started to get onto the interstate to take Wikkit home. While getting into the correct lane for our turn off, I noticed white smoke billowing out of my car. Unfortunately, the nearest exit was about 5 miles away. We eventually got to a Casey’s, where we finally looked under the hood, after the smoke cleared we saw antifreeze everywhere. Apparently, the thermostat got stuck closed, so the coolant stopped flowing, pressure built up, and boom, it popped out a sensor. This happened at about 3:00.

We didn’t realize at this time that the thermostat was stuck. So after a call to my BIL, who fixed this exact same problem two years ago, we tried to patch it up enough to get home. Luckily we were right next to a Wal-mart. Wikkit,misstee, and I spent about three hours trying to fix it, but it wasn’t to be. That’s when we made the calls asking to be picked up started.

Fast forward another two hours, our rides finally arrive. My BIL and misstee’s husband (who are both mechanics) take a quick look at my car, and the consensus was it would probably cost about a thousand dollars to fix, if it can be fixed. The car was left in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Hopefully I’ll be able to get it sometime this week.

So, misstee left with her husband and children, and Wikkit got a ride from my BIL. After I told him he would be home at about 3:30 he finally got there at 8:30.

Now you know how a five hour trip can take ten hours. On the plus side of this whole adventure, I’ll be getting more exercise and I’ll be saving money on gas. :slight_smile: