{b]Lobely**- I need to know. I have read your two threads here. I am not being a smartass. I am not inviting a pile-on, although this is, of course, the Pit. I genuinely want to know why you dislike Americans so much. You repeatedly complain about Americans and their thin skin and their jingo patriotism, and you become offended when American Dopers take umbrage with your complaining. You seem sincerely shocked when no one says, “Hmm. I guess you’re right. My country is sort of backward, and the people here are annoying. Perhaps we should mend our ways.”
Is this really what you were expecting? I am an American; I will admit that I am also somewhat annoying, but this has nothing to do with my nationality and is instead a personality flaw common to countless millions, Americans and others.
Perhaps I am being annoying now, in starting this thread. If so, feel free to tell me. But I really, really want to know what your problem with Americans is based on. Why do you hate us? What have we, as a collective people, ever done to you? If you disagree with American politics, and the actions of the American gov’t., by all means, air your complaints- this is in fact a time-honored American tradition, and I’m sure many Dopers will be more than happy to commiserate, challenge, and educate you, provided you at least vaguely know what you’re talking about and avoid sweeping generalizations which will serve only to alienate and offend vast sections of this MB. But to form such strong opinions about the majority of American citizens is a both naive and counterproductive.
I do not believe you are a troll; I believe you have something to say, and yet are less than elegant in your phrasing, and perhaps over-hasty in your statements. Please enlighten me; what is your problem with Americans?
Please provide specific instances in which you were annoyed, offended, or caused some physical or emotional harm by the actions or words of an American citizen. Cites would be nice, but failing that, please support your statements with at least halfway plausible examples. Thank you.
Well there’s those loud golfing trousers, for a start.
Then there’s your Ugly American tourists. Yes, I do understand that’s not all of you people, but honestly, who gave those prats passports? What were you thinking?
There’s the way you pronounce some words funny.
There’s that whole tipping thing (jeez, don’t get me started on that one).
There’s that film director who’s name I forget who used to be “Richie Cunningham” from Happy Days. I mean for fuck’s sake what’s up with him anyway?
Then there’s that Chicago taxi driver, one time, who swore at me and my travelling companion under his breath the whole time from the hotel to the airport, seemingly because we were inconveniencing him by paying him and availing ourselves of his taxi driving services.
Then there’s that spitting thing for baseball players. Why do they have to do that all the time?
Cars. So big. Why?
Pat Robertson. By existing. That is all.
Ronald Raygun. No need to say more.
Ohh, now, wait a minute. I just remembered. I was young. I was in Spain. I was carefree. I had hair. There were these two Canadian girls. They had hair. Long. Red and blonde respectively. There was me. There was a hotel room. And then this fucking dickwad from Ohio turned up and muscled in. @%!#%!#$%!!!
Did you not get the memo? Here’s what’s going down: Representatives of several nations will be meeting in Iceland at midnight, August 4, 2002, for the purposes of prisoner exchange. Yes, that’s right, you can give other nations back their annoying exports, while getting back your old stuff!
Your instructions are to round up said golf trouser-wearing, passport-carrying prats, blindfold them, and deposit them on Hill #684. In exchange, Yahoo Serious, several pairs of Ugg boots, and the Quantas koala will be waiting for you unharmed. (We accept no responsibilty for any damages which may be sustained in transit.)
All further submissions for exchange may be sent to this thread, BBQ Pit, SDMB. Thank you for participating in the International Exchange of Annoying Shit from Somewhere Else.™ Hope to see you there!
Note: The United States of America, Inc. will not accept any exchange in which Ron Howard is bartered. We disowned said Howard long ago, and would just prefer to ignore his existence. We encourage other nations to do the same; it is only through dedicated effort and global cooperation that will we end this threat of ‘Happy Days’.
I was in errrm I think Israel, somewhere in the middle east anyway. I was negotiating with this shopkeeper over something or other I was going to buy. I had this shopkeeper all haggled down to, like, $50. And then this busload of American tourists showed up. And the price was suddenly $150, and not only that but the fucking yanks kept actually paying that much without haggling and then I had to go and damned if I was going to pay $150 and of course no way the shopkeeper was going to sell me one for $50 in front of all these suckers in his shop. So I came away empty handed.
Hollywood movies.
One speaks to someone. One gives something to someone. But one “writes them”. Huhhh?
Macdonalds-type “service”. Even in Australia now:
[ul]“Fries with that?”
“No! Fuck off! If I wanted fries I would have asked for them, peabrain. I know that page one of your “service manual” requires that you say those words, but how about treating me like an actual person with a mind of my own.”
“Have a nice day”
“Oh. OK, I will. I was going to have a fucked day, but now that you’ve mouthed that particular smarmy, meaningless platitude from page two of your “service manual”, I’ll have a nice one, instead. Ta.”
“Enjoy!”
“What? Is that some kind of order? What happens if I don’t, you gunna hit me? What does page three of the manual say about that?”[/ul]
Sorry. I’ll stop now. No really I will.
ps No, no, no reprise, they don’t take back Ron Howard, all deals are off, buddy!
Shrimp on the ‘barbie’. It’s a barbeque, or a barbeque grill, or simply a grill, okay? A Barbie is an 11 1/2 inch fashion doll. And what a way to mistreat the tasty little critters, anyway.
Crocodile Dundee. I’ve got a knife bigger than that, fer crying out loud.
British
Jane Austen
Charles Dickens
All British visitors to the US who criticize our accents. We don’t speak English, we speak American; therefore, we are entitled to our own accents, thank you.
Laura Ashley
In a similar vein, chintz
An advertising campaign for the Mini is now showing up in my Maxim magazines. Stop that at once.
reprise, when in Rome speak so the Romans will understand you. Or something. But a valid point, maaaate. Sorry. It won’t happen again.
And that’s another thing. Accents. Are they really so hard that you need subtitles for English and Australian people? I kid you not. I saw this documentary the other day made for the American market…
American beer. Does that actually have any alcohol in it? Or is it just watered down barley flavoured water? Except with the flavour taken out?
Chuck. Biff. Randy. A hint. Verbs and adjectives are not suitable as names.
Bimbos. Women without bottle blonde hair and plastic breasts are actually attractive, you know.
Paul Hogan’s movies and advertisements were made for the American market. And they were very very successful. You liked them. Oh yes you did. You are hoist on your own petard, Squish
SPOOFE, check my location, mate. And by the way we are much, much more tightwad than Brits. We are almost as tightwad as Kiwis. Though not as tightwad as Germans.
[hijack]
Hey Princhester what the heck is a ‘haitch’ anyway? What have you Aussies (or other British-derived types?) done with the eighth letter of the, uh, American alphabet, then?
[/hijack]
[sub]yeah i know but my last name has one in it and i had to spell it for an aussie and i found myself using ‘haitch’ fercrissakes because i am afflicted with that thing that makes me unconsciously emulate the speech patterns of whomever i’m talking to and she laughed at me because she knew americans pronounce it ‘aitch’ and i was caught out at being a poser[/sub]
