Okay, let’s say that Ned Flanders takes over the world, and that he decides he’s going to wipe out certain “undesirablinos” (namely people for whom his program of Nedification doesn’t work). The final tally of the number of people he needs to have killed is roughly a billion or so. Assuming he does the whole industrial scale killing operation, he’s going to wind up with a bunch of bodies he’s got to get rid of, in a fairly short period of time, like a decade or so. I’m thinking that it might be a wee bit impossible (even with massive crematoriums) to dispose of all of those bodies in a safe manner in such a short period of time. Just too much stuff to get rid of. Am I wrong? Or could he, in fact, dispose of all those bodies such that folks wouldn’t have to worry about increased air pollution or ground water contamination and the like?
Soylent Green?
Load up a C-130 with bodies, frozen, a bunch. Dump over central Africa, the Amazon Basin, or any other wet, hot, bug, animal and critter-infested area. Repeat as necessary. I promise you, the bodies will be reduced to nutrients in short order. This, combined with cremation and the odd “blowing up with nukes” option will eliminate those unsightly cadavers in no time at all.
Make a giant blender and turn the bodies into compost / fertilizer.
Large scale wood chippers could be used, & the remains plowed under in croplands under rotation.
100 million a year? No problem (apart from the being a genocidal maniac and stuff). We can learn from history. The crematoria at Auchwitz had a capacity of 4 million victims per year*. You’d only need 25 of these worldwide to get rid of the Enemies of Flanders.
- theoritical** capacity only, but were only talking orders of magnitude.
** the Nazis themselves ran into the theory vs. practice problem and solved it ways you can read up on at Nizkor. Needless to say, Flanders wouldn’t do this as he’s apparently worried about
Assuming modern high temperature crmatoria practices are observed, then air pollution shouldn’t be too big a concern (older crematoria used to emit Dioxins, but these days, not so much).
All you need is a capacity to move the bodies and that’s pretty much it. Antarctica looks nice. Let the penguins worry about them.
To put the figures into context: the current worldwide death rate is about 56.5 million people per year (cite) so the notional genocide would approximately triple that number.
Have you already rounded up the undesirables? If they’re in concentration camps, then there really isn’t much difficulty - simply lock them in for a few years; it’s not as if you’re going to need that land with a billion less people on the surface of the earth.
If they’re still spread out, you do indeed have more problems. The first thing that you should do is systematically starve them so that you have as little mass to dispose of - if you can encourage cannablism then so much the better. After this, find a rendering plant, and produce yourself some superglue.
Kill 25 million, rope them together, float the mass as a raft, herd the remaining 75 million onto the raft, and push the whole thing out into the Pacific. When sharks, cannibalism, and decomposition have eliminated the first 25 million, the 75 million passengers go with them.
You do realize, that’s a shtload of C-130s!*
Trust me, these things I know.
Tripler
I find it ironic I picked up a book today, “Handbook for the Aspiring Dictator”. :eek: 
Ok, that’s about the most disturbing thing I’ve ever read. Even in a thread about mass extermination. Though the problem is that people sink when they’re dead. Sure, the decomposition gases will make them float for a while, but eventually (especially under foot of 3 people per every one dead person), they’ll lose the gas that’s keeping them afloat and go under. I think it would happen a lot faster than you think, and wouldn’t have the desired effect you’re going for. Of course, if you built the raft too quickly, they wouldn’t float at all, and would just drop to the bottom of the ocean, becoming pulverized by the pressure, and never having a chance to decompose and bloat.
The fact that I just thought about that in detail disturbs me…I will be very upset with you if I have bad dreams now.
Actually, I doubt ol’ Ned would be too worried about pollution levels, since he’d naturally figure once he got rid of the undesirables God would bring on the “Rapturino.”
I figure if I’m killing off 17% of the people, I’ll just let them fall where they die. 20 years later, it should be pretty restored either way.
We’ll just cart them out of my Tupelo so I can maintain my rule.
The ocean is a highly effective organic material processor - if bodies don’t turn up within a few days or weeks they’ll be stripped pretty clean. Pick somewhere with a very strong tide and shove in as many as you can in a couple of hours - you won’t be adding much more than a few percent of the dead fish meat which fills the ocean anyway.
I believe the word is “re-Neducation”
This whole thread is the antithesis of “okely-dokely.”
Just sayin’…
Feed them to pigs, then you can butcher the pigs and save the meat for emergencies.
You’ve got to remove the hair and teeth first though, for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. But they will, you know, go through bone like butter.
It’s only “re-Nedification” if it’s been done once before.
Elendil’s Heir, you don’t remember the Treehouse of Horror ep where Ned rules the world? And has people lobotomized? They let you keep the piece of your brain that they take out. Hello, brain.