I think you guys are fixating too much on the financial side of things. Reading the OP, most of the stressors are not financial – they’re his grandfather and his kids and his father dying and suchlike. Sure, he could sell the Corvettes and get some cash, but if his basic point is that his life has been plagued by things that rob him of enjoyment, why will things get better if he gives up one of the few things that does provide him with enjoyment?
Unintentionally Blank, one thing that I know will get better over the next year is the toilet training. I have to say, that’s the one aspect of having kids that I like the least, and I’m going through it at the moment, though my wife is bearing the brunt. But for whatever reason, it drives me absolutely bananas. Toddlers can be brutally tough on you, but after the toddler years, things are usually easier by leaps and bounds.
I’d PM ya, but it doesn’t look like the Dope lets us do that. I’ll echo what you’ve heard before…It doesn’t get easier, it just gets different. At least so far. We’re getting plenty of sleep, but now we’ve got kids that wrestle in class and don’t want to wear diapers. But the folks at daycare are legally prevented from doing anything about it. There’s nothing like getting the phonecall:
“Collin won’t let us change his full diaper”
“Restrain him.”
“We’re not allowed to do that.”
“Then let him sit in it for a bit.”
“We’re not allowed to do that.”
“So what’s the answer here?”
“You could come pick him up.”
“a) The first bus home is in 5 hours. b)You want him to learn that the parents take him home when he throws a fit?”
silence.
Sal and Otaku have hit it. It’s like being nibbled to death by guppies, but the guppies are the size of chihuahuas.
If your wife will not be working for months (which you seem to be planning for), why will the twins still be in daycare? There’s a large expense saved right there, plus she should have no legal problem restraining Collin when he needs changing. It’s a double-win!
Or, with your wife not working at the moment why not take the kids out of childcare now? You’d be saving money and doing away with the stress of the childcare workers not allowed to change their crapiers (or whatever the problem is).
Plus, your wife will then have more quaility time with the kids.
Might as well take advantage of unemployment and get some family time out of it.
That’s certainly on the table for discussion. The only problem is: Will the kids drive mom insane. It may not be the kinda quality time she’s looking for.
By the same token, there’s something to be said for scaling it back to, maybe, twice a week, so that she can continue the job hunt and not go completely crazy. It doesn’t have to be either/or.
I’d also suggest, that since you say you have a two-year, cash cushion, that you pay off the credit cards instead of continuing to make minimum payments. You said that you’ve paid them down substantially in recent months, and that you’re “not your usual live by the credit card people,” (although I kinda question that claim since you managed to run up $6K in credit card debt) so the balance(s) can’t be all that high. Your net cash position seems to be pretty strong; it’s just your monthly revenue that’s comparatively limited right now. If that’s the situation, I say pay off the revolving debt and free up that monthly interest nut that’s just going down the tubes at the moment.
This, however, isn’t something you really would need to do immediately. I’d give it a month or so (or a couple billing cycles) while the wife looks for work. If that looks like it’s gonna be a long-term proposition, then pay off the credit debt.
Searching for a professional position can be full-time, plus one needs to be flexible to attend interviews. Having somewhere to take care of the twins is helpful. Some child care places have long waiting lists; pull out and you are back at the end. If the unemployed period is short, suddenly you are scrambling for new care providers, which can be a long and aggravating process.
What struck me as odd was that while you were taking care of premature newborn twins you were also the one responsible for your grandfather’s care. Surely someone else in the family should have been responsible for him.
Not a bad idea. I do want to point out that $6,000 is not necessarily large, depending on salary, especially if getting hit with funeral costs and the travel involved to be with the family in times of crisis.
Nah there’s a little gap there. It’s hard to cram four years in a post and not miss details. (Like a dislocated shoulder injury) While the kids were born, my parents came into town. Normally they’re 1200 miles away…well, mom is, now. There’s also a whole nother dysfunctional side of the family I’m not gonna get into right now that are, effectively, unavailable for support.
UncBeer I’m mulling that around in my head as we speak. And to be honest, we WERE credit people but had a come to Jesus meeting a year ago. The 6 grand was down from 14. Cashing out the mutual funds won’t incur much, if any, penalty as they’ve all lost value. It’s just that it was all ‘savings’. We’re dipping into savings. Bleh.
It’s true that the major stressors are not financial. However, financial issues seem to be everpresent, and it’s really the only one that he can honestly affect by changing the decisions he makes.
I’m a financial guy, and if anyone here posts about financial trouble, I start thinking advice. UB sounds like he’s actually under control, better than I am probably, and can most likely afford to keep them. But he’s keeping them because he enjoys them (which is perfectly fine) and can afford them, not because it’s a better financial decision. I sort of feel like he was trying to justify keeping them on financial instead of emotional grounds, “it’s a bad economic decision” or “the invested money would be lost”.
UB, it’s clear that many in here aren’t Corvette people. They just don’t understand. Happily, I *am *a Corvette person, and I do. You hang on to those beautiful pieces of automotive machinery for as long as you like. Mine’s a two-tone blue '85 with 29,000 miles that I don’t drive as often as I’d like because a) I live in Minnesota, and so only can for about 5 months a year anyway; b) it infrequently stalls at low speeds, and I frequently face rush hour slowdowns; and c) its throttle is stuck permanently on - you use the brake to control speed. Same situation - I pay to store it and insure it, but I’m waiting to take it in to get it looked at and tuned up until I’ve got the cash. I love it to pieces, and yeah, I’d sell it if I really needed to, but I don’t.
Sorry life’s taken a crap on your plate. It means little, but you and yours are in my thoughts. Best wishes for sunshine to come soon.
Ahh. That makes sense. And I rather concur with you on the Corvette issue. They ain’t really costing you anything right now, and your financial situation doesn’t appear to be so dire that the cash gained from a sale of one (or both) of these cars is going make that much difference in your cash position. That, as I said, looks pretty strong.
Selling your mutual funds doesn’t look too bad a way to go, if you find you need a quick one-time infusion of cash either. Obviously, not the ones in your 401(k) though - since you’ll take a big hit on the penalties. You might, however, consider a 401(k) loan if things start looking really bad. I took one for a few thousand bucks a few years ago. After working through all the numbers, it didn’t really make that much of a net difference when I’ll begin drawing money out of it. The interest on a 401(k) loan is generally only about 1% over prime, and you pay all the interest to yourself anyway (actually you can make money doing this if the funds in your 401(k) are losing value during the loan period); it gets rolled back into the fund. Also, I didn’t decrease my normal contribution of 15% of gross to pay the loan; the loan payments were made in addition to my normal contribution. That’s key.
People (especially my parents) say I’m cold for saying this, but… there’s a widespread misconception that in Gilded Times of Ages Past, life was so much better because you had multiple generations of family members living under one roof, everyone pooled resources, the young could look after the old, the old could pass their wisdom on to the young, and that’s why life was So Much Better back then.
Realistically, this wasn’t the case. People just got old and then they died, leaving a little something (perhaps property and a little money) to help the younger generation along. People should be allowed and encouraged to end their lives with dignity instead of burdening the people they care about. I hope when I reach that condition it will be legal to do so, and if not, that I can find a way to take care of it myself.
You aren’t crazy and you’re not the only one who finds extraordinary measures to preserve life to be a senseless waste in some cases. I know some people will flame me for this and I don’t care, I’m a card-carrying member of the Culture of Death.
Can someone explain to me why you’d have substantial savings AND credit card debt (or as the OP put it $25,000 liquid and $6,000 in CC debt)??
Not being snarky, I just would rather have $19,000 in cash and NO debt.
Ok, so no one has really addressed the emotions associated with UBs grandfather.
We didn’t used to have this problem because we couldn’t extend life the way we can now. The difference between your father, and his father who is outliving him, is a mix of genetics and life choices. Not knowing anything about your father, I can’t say that his choices were any better or worse than his father’s, but the reality is that your grandfather outlived his son, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. You also can’t be your grandfather’s proxy and be angry about that, either. It isn’t your fault, and you had nothing to do with it.
Nursing homes and retirement communities are not always fun and happy places, but they are necessary as people live beyond their family’s ability to care for them. Life now is a lot different than it was 50, 75 or 100 years ago when more than one genreation lived together or nearby and could care for the elderly. Now families are spread out over distances and two incomes are needed to live comfortably. Guilt over the decision to place someone in a nursing home is of little use when you have no control over the social and economic forces that have created this situation. Your grandfather is not in the best situation, but it sounds like he is in the best situation given all the other circumstances.
What to do then? Do what you can, when you can. You have a responsibility to your family first, and as I read your posts, you have well paid your dues. Aren’t there any other family members who can make the trip? Cousins, aunts and/ or uncles?
IMHO, it sounds like you’re living your life for someone else, and not for your family first. You need to start putting them and yourself first, and saying no when they or you are going to be impacted. It’s not worth the ultimate cost of you marriage and relationship with your children. You can’t enjoy your family if you’re constantly trying to live up to an unrealistic or unworkable ideal. You can’t keep yourself or your family together if you’re consumed by guilt over what could or should have been. You need to be able to focus on the present and the near future and do things to make them more tolerable, then accept the situation and move on.
