Lottery winner wants to share her winngs with beloved brother; husband disagrees. Thoughts?

Yes, it’s a Skaldthetical with a long storytelling OP and possibly a poll, depending on my mood at the moment I press submit. If you don’t like these, stop now.

Today’s story stars Beverly, a thirtysomething woman who’s just retired from teaching, and the two people she loves most in the world: her huband, George, and her brother, Barry. If it seems odd that Beverly’s retired five years shy of her fifth decade, there’s a reason: she just won the Powerball jackpot. She wouldn’t put it quite that way, though. Though she and she alone bought the winning ticket (George refuses to gamble in any game not named “poker” and for any stakes other than Cheetos), and though the check was made out to her alone, she considers that the money belongs to them both. She took the cash payout and netted $60 million after taxes. Briefly they considered keeping working, then said, “Fuck that shit, we’re on vacation till death.”

Beverly and Barry are much closer than most siblings. Their parents died when she was 7. At that time, Barry–12 years her senior and just about to start his sophomore year in college-- became her guardian. He put his own schooling on hold so he could get a job to support them; he comforted her when she was grieving, defended her from dangers, sacrificed to put her through college on the normal schedule; he didn’t get his own bachelor’s degree until years after she did. Beverly can’t imagine what her life would have been like if he hadn’t stepped up when their parents died, but she’s sure it would have been bad. She’s never kept a secret from him, and as far as she knows he’s never kept one from her. After extended separations, she’s apt to greet him with a joyful scream, a leap into his arms, and a shower of kisses on the cheeks …

… or at least she used to. Beverly & Barry’s closeness bothers her husband, you see. The physical expressions of their affection squick him out, and their emotional closeness seems overly intrusive to him. Bothered by that even when they were dating, George grew resentful of Barry during the early years of their marriage. Naturally Beverly told her brother about this. Barry’s response was to tell her that they had to dial things back for the nonce–maybe forever. “You’re married now,” he told Beverly. "George has to be the most important thing in your life now, or it won’t work."So they put the kibosh on the passionate hugs and so on; dialed down the daily phone calls to once a month or so; stopped having dinner together every Sunday in favor of only on birthdays and holidays; and in general tried to accommodate George’s squeamishness.

Recently Barry’s finances have been as shaky as Beverly’s are solid. He owns a small business which was hit hard by the economic downturn and never got better. He’s had to lay off 15 of his 20 employees and is still having problems making payroll; bankruptcy is looming. Beverly knows all this (she and Barry still exchange emails at least once a day). Recently Barry asked to borrow $40K, enough to cover the next three months’ payroll, but Beverly wants to do a lot more. Her inclination is to give Barry the money outright–and not just the few thousand he asked to borrow, but around $5 million or so, so he can reinvest in his business, or maybe just retire.

Which at least brings us to our problem: George. When Beverly broached the idea above, he got very quiet and was unwilling to give his opinion until he thought about it for a while. When he spoke on the subject a few hours later, it was to say that he was very uncomfortable at the notion. If they give Barry this money, it will surely result in a greater entanglement of him in their lives, George says. The closeness between Beverly and Barry has always troubled him; he thinks it’s healthier not merely for her but for their marriage. If the money is truly theirs and not just Beverly’s, then he has the right to veto such a great expenditure. He’s not happy doing anything more than co-signing a bank loan for Barry. If Beverly insists on giving Barry the $5 million, then it will signal that she considers the winnings hers alone, not theirs–and that Barry is more important to her than he is. He’s not sure their marriage can survive that.

What do you think Beverly should do?

Hire me to divorce George’s ass for her, give Barry the $5 Million, write George a check for $27.5 million, pay her lawyer well, and get on with doing whatever the hell she wants.

Move to strike the divorce lawyer’s remarks from the record due to incredible bias. :smiley:

Her husband is a controlling jackass. What other conclusion did you want up to come to? You really don’t leave much wiggle room in your hypothetical. If she gives her brother the 5 million controlling hubby will go nuts and may divorce her.

The one point in hubby’s favor re not giving the money, although not related to his motivations, is that people who are struggling in business are not necessarily the best business people. Giving her brother 5 million to bail out a failing business may not be a prudent business move.

If I had a brother in the same circumstance I might figure out a different way to help him vs pumping cash into a struggling business.

As a side note I don’t know the relevant law but assuming it’s all her money if she’s bringing it into a marriage in a community property state may not be legally correct. The husband may have some sort of interest in the money.

George is a jerk. Give Barry the damn money.

She and George should see a good marriage counselor.

Maybe I wasn’t clear enough in the hypo (though I think I was), but I daresay that Beverly would be okay if Barry decided to retire at 47 (or however old he is).

Probably, but the question is what should Beverly do with the money.

Let’s assume he’s not the most astute businessperson or he would not be in this fix. His inclination will be try and save his business if he gets a bag of money or start a new business. Is she going to insist any gift not go toward the struggling business or a new business if she makes the gift? If she does this she is more or less demanding that he let his business tank and retire. How will she enforce this?

Give her brother the $5 million. Or you know 10 or 20, whatever. I play the lottery every once in awhile just for the fun of fantasizing about how to split up the money and can’t imagine keeping even half of $60 million after taxes - I’d make sure my step-siblings could retire modestly if they wished, set up my parents similarly, help out a few closer friends and play rich cousin/nephew to my assorted near blood relatives ( aunts, uncles, first cousins ). $30 million would be a pretty damn comfortable retirement at my age.

The emotional issues about further entanglement with the brother are a red herring. It appears she was going to remain “entangled” regardless if there was money involved or not and if she is giving rather than loaning, there are no new entanglements. His discomfort is something they should work out as a couple, but it shouldn’t have any impact on her impulse to be generous to her family.

Unless he is being an ass. Which he kinda is.

I don’t want any particular conclusion, just an interesting discussion and perhaps some new pastry recipes. Also, the board often surprises me. I can think of several hypos I’ve posted in which plenty of known sane people voted for what I thought were insane options, and also some moral dilemma threads in which I had one opinion when I wrote the thing and got argued out of my position during the thread. (By Diogenes the Cynic, of all people.)

The lottery winnings are likely community property, but based solely on the story told it doesn’t look good for the future of the marriage so George will get his $30 mil.

Beverly can then figure out what to do with her 1/2 of the money. If her brother’s business is solid, but just under-funded and an independent analysis shows its a decent investment then she can become a business partner with her brother.

There is more than enough money for all involved to make a total mess of their lives.

George is an ass. Give Barry the money. Hire Oakminister.

Hire Oakminster. It’s one thing for George not to like Barry but to try and prevent the siblings from ever being together is not healthy. He may be the most important person in her life but he’s not the only important person in her life and it’s unhealthy to want that as much as he does. If you don’t want to be “entangled” with a guy - don’t marry into his family.

My answer would be different if Barry was a drug dealer or abusive or something.

Concur. George sounds awful.

Seconded. George never gambles, after all, and has no moral claim to money other than (a) being married to Beverly and (b) because she, out of the goodness of her heart, considers half the money his. If George really wants to get shirty about this windfall but not actually go through with a divorce, they should remain married but split up the money, half each, in separate bank accounts, with Barry’s $5 million coming right off the top of her stack.

State law could complicate things, of course.

Give him the money. I can’t even think of pointless reason to be a contrarian here.

:: waves a c-note under TriPolar’s nose ::

Sure you can.

You get a dozen ginger snaps for being the first poster to use the word shirty in the thread.

I am confused on how old she is, but apparently she earned the dollar herself and can do what she likes with the proceeds. Yes, in a sense it’s theirs but she is using part of her share of theirs how she likes. My father was a controlling person like this toward my mom when she was friends with men so I am bristling at this story! A beloved brother is “entangled” in your lives?!
And did you purposely name the brother and sister after the real-life first names of two of the siblings on 7th Heaven? I didn’t think so.

Give him (the brother) the money and tell hubby to STFU or GTFO.

(bolding mine)

A link, please?

Curious minds and all that. :wink:

A lawyer could give a better answer, but some sates are “community property” and others are “equitable division”. In either case George is entitled to a % of the money no matter who bought the ticket.

By he way, the Powerball is $300 million right now.