Love letter to the traffic lady on the radio

The BBQ Pit
1

Dear
() Dipshit
() Doo-doo head
() Numbnuts
() Politician
() Salesman
(*) Other: radio traffic report lady

I was recently
() amused
() confounded
() dismayed
() driven into murderous rage
() impressed
() other: ____
in response to your recent
() clue
() incarceration
() promotion
() rectocephelectomy
() successful bribe
() other: graduating law school
which was brought to my attention by your
() addiction
() aroma
() credulous simplicity
(*) deceit
() experience
() other: ____

(*) I would like to add:
This morning I was stuck in gridlock from not one, but two, freeway interchanges that were completely shut down, one from construction and the other from a fatal car accident, but all you mention is some insulation on the road on the other side of town. You obviously have lots of training as a lawyer; every time you talk, you’re lying!

The situation left me with an prolonged feeling of
() abject confusion
() bemusement
() dread
() fury
(*) hate
() other: ____

In conclusion please consider my suggestion that you should
() apply affectionate kisses to my corpulent buttocks
() consumate marital relations with your own being
() consume excrement
(*) copulate in a different direction and thus expire
() descend posterior-first upon my extended middle finger after which you may swiftly rotate
() other: ____

Yours truly,

SIGN HERE: Subway Prophet

2

Clever. Original. Vitriolic. I give it an 8. :wink:

3

Do you live in Denver? Our local traffic/talk station recently (within the past three or four months) went from a competent helicopter traffic reporter to some stupid bint who’s only qualification seems to be that she is named Amelia Earhart. :rolleyes:

She consisitently mentions only one (never the same one) highway among probably six major routes to the exclusion of all others. So irritating…

4

Subway Prophet doesn’t take the train to work?

5

sigh. If only. Sadly, there ain’t no such thing here in Dallas/Fort Worth TX, and the next-best thing, the light rail, has so few stops it’s a joke.

But, true to my name, I knew that before I moved here. :smack:

6

I foresee a nasty sprain/dislocation which could substantially impede your ability to communicate with other drivers. :frowning:

7

I feel your pain.

Our local traffic announcers either report a clog that’s not there anymore, completely ignore new jam-ups, and always tell us about the stretches of freeway which are always busy regardless and need no daily mention. I’ve stopped listening to them because they’re useless.