Luck winks at welby

So there I was, all snuggled up in bed next to welbywife, dreams of. . .well that’s probably not the best thing to discuss. Besides, I told the supermodels I wouldn’t say a word.

The night air is wrent by the sound of screeching tires, then a tremendous crash. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash! Well. It was actually less like the night before Christmas and more along the lines of me stumbling across the floor and peeking through the blinds, but that didn’t really sound very dramatic.

SO what did I see? Nothing. I went to another window. Ah, there. A white Mercury cougar had slid around the corner and slammed into my neighbor’s SUV. I saw the driver get out and start to run. I threw on some clothes (yes, ladies, up to this point I was nekkid! Send $4.95 plus $1.25 for shipping and handling and I’ll send you a picture.) and went outside to make sure that there wasn’t someone in the car that was hurt.

The kid who was driving was just returning to the car. He was trying to get his keys out of the ignition so that he could walk home and claim the car was stolen. I talked to him. He was obviously intoxicated, but I convinced him that taking off would probably cause more problems than it would solve. Turns out he was on acid. Talk about a bad trip.

After some time we woke up my neighbor, I got a flashlight so that he could inspect the damage. It’s pretty bad, the kid was easily going 50+ MPH when he lost control of the car. My neighbor’s car was pushed about 8 feet up the street.

Where in all this did lady luck smile on me? Was it my quick response to a potentially bad situation? Nay, my friend. My sense of social responsibility coming to the fore? Again, nay.

My neighbor’s car ended up sitting in the spot where I usually park my car. Almost to the inch. I didn’t park in my usual spot for one reason and one reason only: Leaves. That’s right. The area where I usually park had a bunch of leaves in it, and I parked on the other side of the drive way so I could clean up the leaves. So instead of waking up to find my neighbor’s car planted firmly in my front seat, I woke up to find the kid’s car planted firmly in the back of my neighbor’s car, and mine was fine.

My neighbor was remarkably calm (much more so than I would have been). This is the third time his car has been hit by someone coming up the street. Not this particular car, but a car owned by him. In all three cases the driver was drunk or otherwise intoxicated. I’m just glad I decided to get off my ass and clean up the leaves.

They’ve been there since the fall.

'Bout time you caught a break.

Good going, Welby.

You know, on a deeper level, I would have to say that this is a prime example of how laziness can pay off. If I’d done what I was supposed to and been a good neighbor, those leaves would have been cleared months ago.