I’ll get right to the point. Let’s say you meet someone new. He said he was from X country or of X origin. Thereafter, somehow you realized he was not from X country or of X origin, and asked him/her why he had lied to you about his ethnicity, home country etc. And, he said “I wanted to avoid the odium which my fellow countrymen had attracted. I know, my fellow country men are not nice and the majority of them make up a cancerous minority in your country. Plus, they are hated because of their religion. But I am not non-religious and don’t define myself as X ethnicity.”
So, how would you react in this situation? Would you lose your love or respect for him/her? Would you get angry at him/her?
I mean, I probably wouldn’t talk to the guy again just because he seems like a tedious, pedantic pain in the ass, but I suppose that’s not what you’re asking.
Considering that I cannot think of any country whose inhabitants I would consider to be majority bad and I also can’t think of a uniformly bad immigrant group within my own country, I’d say this guy has a very different worldview than I do. I’d wonder if his apparent self-hate was a symptom of some kind of mental illness or if he really was just pretending to be a native of Badpeopleistan because he’s actually from some other country entirely and just wants to talk shit about them.
How intimate have you been (or were intending to be) with the charlatan? Lying is not a good way to start a relationship. However, story-telling or exaggeration (“bullshiiitng”) can be a reasonable basis for a friendship.
I certainly wouldn’t have blamed a mid-easterner for claiming to be Italian or Greek in the wake of 9/11. I wouldn’t have blamed a light-skinned black for “passing” during certain periods of American history. And I know lots of Americans claim to be Candian while travelling abroad.
So is his shame of being who he is based in legitimate prejudice, or is it all in his mind?
I’ve had it happen a few times and it’s fine with me, and here’s why.
In every instance the person lied to me from a question I asked. IME, if a person was reticent to share that, they wouldn’t simply offer up a lie without provocation.
I asked a question that was personal enough for them, that it was easier to lie than to say, “I’d rather not answer.” (Or…“None of your business”.)
(In each case (3 times) the person was Iranian, and answered “Middle Eastern”, or “Persian”.)
I haven’t walked a mile in their shoes. Who am I to be offended?
I’ve also known Middle Eastern people who use vague terms like “Persian” when asked where they’re from, rather than their true country of origin if loaded, such as Iran or Afghanistan. Can’t say I blame them, post 9-11…
I have worked a lot for a general contractor, since last March. He is obviously foreign-born and when asked, tells people he’s Italian. Many months later he let on to me that he is actually Albanian, but that most Americans aren’t good with identifying accents and Italian “sounds better” than Albanian when talking with prospective clients.
I thought that was shallow and slightly weird but as long as he keeps work coming my way and his checks are good, I’m down with it.
Persian isn’t a vague term; it’s a synonym for Iranian. It’s the specific ethnicity of the Iranian people (although clearly some non-Persian people live in Iran, and some Persians live elsewhere). Someone who says that they’re Persian is telling you that they come from Iran without being vague at all.
But it IS vague in the sense that most people in the US (I’m guessing) will not conflate “Iranian” with “Persian.” And, this is the exact reason that some Middle Eastern people use it - to purposefully distance themselves from specific countries that are often in the news in a negative light.
That’s not my personal conjecture or opinion, that is what I have been told more than once by people originally from the Middle East living in the US. I live in a part of the country with the highest concentration of folks of Middle Eastern/Arabic origin in America, so I know or at least interact with people from that region frequently.
In both cases where people told me “Persian”, I subsequently became friends with them, and in both cases they told me that they say “Persian” specifically because of the anticipated blow-back from being “Iranian” in America.
ETA and I would add that it’s not vague in Iran, but they’re counting on it being vague in the US when they’re using it here.
You realize that every time you do that, you are perpetuating tired stereotypes about Americans and throwing the rest of us under the bus, right? If every smart and sensitive traveller pretends to be Canadian, the only “Americans” people are going to see are the assholes.
If you’ve just met someone and your asking such personal questions you shouldn’t expect 100% truthful answers.
In my opinion, questions about ethnicity, religion, political views or sexual preferences when meeting someone is impolite. This depends on the setting of course… if you were on a date, I would say that you should seek companionship elsewhere.
I say cut the dude some slack. He can be whatever he wants to be. It’s no skin off anyone else’s nose, and it’s probably just easier for him. Why begrudge him whatever peace and happiness he’s able to eke out of his life? You’re actually doing what he’s trying to avoid: judging.
