I like mhendo’s solution in which it is simply the rule that all extraordinary occurrences must be passed by the dean who then verifies and notifies the staff.
Failing that, I would place a box near the head of the syllabus:
Students read the syllabus?
Marc
Well, i go over the whole syllabus with the class during the first lesson.
But even if they don’t read it, having it there in the syllabus means that they can’t whine later when you enforce the rules.
I would reply to this thread but a dog ate my keyboard. How am I typing this reply? …Magic.
Seriously though, fuck those liars with a double-bladed sword. Roast their guts over rotting entrails and thrust their face into festering feces. Maybe a little overboard, but I sympathize with how a few bad apples spoil the sundae.
You put apples in your sundaes? No wonder you’re having problems around here: you’re a freak!
Hey, leave my problems out of this thread 
Apple-pie apples are good on sundaes with the right kind of ice cream.
To the OP: I agree with you. I’m not a TA or a professor, but the next time a student comes begging for help but can’t be arsed to actually, y’know, contact me to set up a time deserves whatever he gets.
Robin
Eh, I make sure my kids know I’m a heartless bastard on day one, so then I don’t have to worry about the whining. If it’s an emergency, totally understandable, but they have to go ahead and get that special form from the counsellor that asks me to give them consideration, and I certainly do. But don’t come to me first, because you’ll get a, “I absolutely, positively believe you when you say that you had an emergency but won’t tell me what it is. Your paper is still due.”
Hell, there’s whispered rumors of a teacher that kept a calendar to keep track of the girls’…emergencies…to make sure they were being honest.
It’s different in high school, where kids think that when they go on vacation in the middle of the school year they’re excused. For them, they get my patented, “I guess books aren’t allowed on airplanes any more. Stupid Homeland Security.” Or even, “So is it illegal to do homework in California now?”
When I was in grad school I had an exceptionally hard term. My infant nephew was born at 25 weeks and died 11 days later. His sister and brother were born at 26 weeks and were in NICU for 4 months. Three days before my nephew died, my aunt died from a brain tumor. I would have had any documentation that was asked of me.
I told the professors I was going to have to miss class. One of the professors said she was fine with it and to take all the time I needed. In spite of my scores on the assignments, she lowered my grade half a letter grade. When I asked her why, she said it was because I missed too much class.
THERE’S your problem 
My girlfriend just informed me that I’m going to hell for laughing at this.
What sort of documentation?
I remember when my sister died; I was in a fog for seven months until I cracked wide open on my birthday. I would not even have been able to figure out who to ask for documentation.
I hope you have instructions on who to ask, what papers to get, etc.
Manda JO: I know that is sage advice, and my advisor has been trying to drill it through my head for two years. However I’m stubborn and prone to fits of the the indignant, if you know what I mean. :o
lissener: When it comes to blame, I tend to adopt an old friend’s message board signature–“I blame society.” (Actually, I’ll start with the parents, but that’s another rant entirely.)
Ferret Herder, ethanwinfield and Sunspace: I will work to accomodate as long as I’m not being lied to–I’ve given all sorts of extensions and temporary grades and the like. I’ve also noticed that the students with legitimate issues generally have most of their documentation ready and can provide whatever else I need quickly. Incomplete or missing documentation combined with a dragging of the heels is one of the surest signs that someone is trying to pull one over on me. Most profs are quite generous as long as they’re pretty sure that they’re not being lied to, but situations like ethanwinfield’s are why I always encourage my students who have legitimate situations to meet with professors and get the terms of make-up work, deductions for attendance grades for missed classes and terms of grading for the rest of the term in writing. As for my syllabus, I specify that students need to see a Dean if there is a long-term issue, but the student has to contact the Dean’s Office. I can direct them to the person who can tell them who their Dean is if they don’t know, but I can’t do much after that.
tomndebb, I like your phrasing (you too, Autolycus!). MGibson, I have my students sign a statement that says they have read my ridiculously long syllabus (which I do go over in painful detail on the first day of class) and agree to its policies, so if they don’t read it, they’re still bound by what is there anyway.
ArizonaTeach, I wish it was different in college (re: vacations). Mention the words “make up” around one of us close to Christmas or Spring Break, and you’re likely to induce a nervous breakdown. This is the first Spring Break where I haven’t had anyone pull the “I’m leaving a week early” thing on me. The kids who want to start their Christmas break five days after Thanksgiving and want me to design a special exam for them to take early (and grade for them before they leave) hold a special place in the cockles of my heart. Make ups in general are a nightmare, as my University requires that we offer them (which is why most of us take attendance and have to go through the BS of verifying all this crap in the first place). :mad:
MsRobyn, I had a student break a 10am appointment today. Then again, said student did set up an appointment…perhaps next time the appointment will be kept.
Snooooopy and Fionn–I laughed too, which means that I get the window seat. 
Engineer Dude, must you rub it in? Can’t you take your paycheck that is many times my own and let me wallow in my self-induced career misery?
I was TAing a class a few years ago, and i gave a student an F because he missed about half the section meetings and turned in all his work late. The work itself was also of extremely poor quality. The reason he missed so many classes was because he was on the school lacrosse team.
Anyway, he asks if he can meet with me to discuss his grade, and to see if there’s a way he can do some extra credit work and pass the course. I agree to meet with him, and we set a time. I arrived about 10 minutes before the time, and waited. And waited. And waited.
Under normal circumstances, i would have left after a fifteen minute grace period, but i had an appointment with another student an hour later, so i just hung around. He finally runs in about 35 minutes after our scheduled time, sweating and with lacrosse stick in hand. It’s clear that he’s sprinted straight from team practice.
Needless to say, this did not make a compelling case for passing the course.
I can’t believe they require you to offer alternative exam times.
The academic calendar is available well in advance, usually late in the previous academic year. They know when the breaks start and finish, and they have plenty of time to schedule their vacations in accordance with the calendar.
The only exception i might make for this—and one that many professors at my university make—is for classes on the Wednesday afternoon before Thanksgiving. It’s about the busiest travel day of the year, and getting a flight or train ticket for that evening can be very difficult. I know some profs who cancel those classes altogether, figuring that hardly anyone will turn up anyway.
Well, we don’t have to offer makeups to every Tom, Dick and Harry who wants to take an early vacation, but we are supposed to offer them to students who have religious, sports (and other activities), medical or long-term issue conflicts. Of course, when the kids go ahead and schedule those flights anyway, the instructor is often put between a rock and a hard place, depending on department support (fortunately, my department is tops when it comes to backing its instructors). It causes a ton of headaches.
I know quite a few universities have classes only on Monday and Tuesday of Thanksgiving week. Of course, students then skip on their Tuesday classes, and holding class at all that week becomes pointless. Sigh.
Damn, back in the day we never used fake excuses about family death or sickness.
It was understood that was Bad Karma. Like tempting fate.
We did come up with creative shit though.
They whine anyway. But that syllabus is a great CYA document, isn’t it? I have to file copies of mine with three different people in the dept. and division, but I don’t mind.
One of my “creative ideas” really crashed on me. My senior year, I finally got to have lunch with Pandora. Let me digress to tell you about her. Blond. Gorgeous. Sassy. Rode her motorcycle through the hall one day, wearing a bikini and waving a bottle of Boone’s Farm.
So… While she’s going on about something or other she did with Tyra, and I’m aware that we have about five minutes left before we have to go back, I’m desperately trying to think of some way to stretch out my time with her. So I devise a brilliant plan. As we’re walking outside, I ask her to drive my car, and toss her my keys. Twenty feet above her head. They land on the roof of the restaurant, as planned.
“Damn!” I feign. “I guess we’ll have to wait a while.”
Suddenly… “I’ll take you back, Pandora!” dickhead Jason says, pushing open his door and speeding away with her. Fucking bastard. To this day, I blame him for all my woes.
Good story, Lib. Yep, I had a “Jason” moment or two back then. But damn, the mention of Boones Farm brings back some good (and bad) memories.