So we all saw how great Mutually Assured Destruction was; after all, we are all not dead from nukes. The proliferation of nuclear weapons was really a stroke of genius, not a sign of megalomania, after all {{shakes finger at cynics}}.
Given the US’s crime rate, I propose an equally intelligent and analogous solution. The Murder Chit [patent pending]. See, you get a Murder Chit, and you do too, and so do you… we all get them! (And this is better than a temporary refund adjustment!) And here’s how it works. You can kill anyone you want, no legal repricussions whatsoever, just turn in your chit. BUT—ah, you knew there was a catch!—anyone can of course do the same to you in retaliation (or just clean fun) and turn in their Murder Chit.
Can you use it on anyone you want? I mean, for instance, could a person use it on the president and walk, or would there be some individuals who would be protected. Can you use it on babies? Can children murder too, or do you have to be of age?
For some reason that just doesn’t sound right. With nuclear weapons, once they are launched basically everyone is going to launch their nukes also, hence destroying the planet. But with these murder chits there is no reason not to use them because you can be a victim regardless of whether or not you use yours so you might as well use it. With nuclear weapons as long as you don’t use yours there is a good chance no one else is.
OK, so nations sign treaties with each other saying that they will not nuke one another. If a nation happens to break that treaty, the target nation will have time to respond and then after that all hell breaks loose.
With the murder chit, once I kill you, you can’t retaliate in any way. So you’re dead and I just got away with murder even if I did sign the treaty. I don’t think it will work.
I like it. Maybe the technical wizards who operate this message board add it to the software. The idea would be that any debater can automatically zap 2000 volts of electricity into the keyboard of whichever doper they want. Then we’d have some politeness around here.
No no no, you are missing the most interesting treaties. Sheesh, you think it is all about PEACE? That’s the sort of hippie rhetoric that is likely to make you think nuclear proliferation is a bid at power instead of friendhip.
See, Amp, you’re my bud. Why just like France is America’s bud. And, much like anyone attacking France will get attacked by America, anyone attacking you will get attacked by me. Mi Murder Chit es su Murder Chit, eh?
erislover,
The problem with your plan is that it is not mutual. MAD worked because the idea was if the U.S. attacked Russia (or China, or France), the attacked country would retaliate.
In your plan, there is no deterrence, because you have the same odds of being murdered whether you kill someone else or not.
Now if you modify your plan so that, if you kill someone someone else can kill you without having to turn in their Murder Chit, then we might have something to talk about.
Hey, when I kill you I pick up your Murder Chit, don’t I, Sua? Common sense. Isn’t that what killing people is for, getting their junk? Shoes, house, wife, oil, Murder Chits…
See, a properly used Murder Chit is endless… That’s why we’ll all be friends real quick, right away.
Oh, Sua, you didn’t see my friends here? See, they’ve got murder chits just itching to be put to use, and we all served in Cub Scouts together, so soon as one of us get it, whoever done it gets it right back… riiiiight back. Your destruction is assured. Don’t you want to be my friend now so I don’t have to threaten to kill you?
Clearly, what we need is some sort of time-delayed death.
Say, instead of a chit, everyone has a poison ampule implanted in their body.
Anyone else in the country can go to a telephone, dial that individual’s unique Personal Death System Number, which activates the ampule via radio (say, via the ubiquitous cell towers).
When activated, the ampule takes 20 minutes to release its poison (or, alternatively, releases a slow poison that will take 20 minutes to kill the victim). There is no way to stop it. But it will also begin vibrating and emitting a loud beeping (a la pagers), and a tiny digital readout implanted in the skin will indicate the perpetrator of the crime. The victim then has the opportunity to retaliate before he/she dies. (Just like in nuclear MAD, in which there is a guaranteed lag-time between ICBM launch and destruction of the target.)
In fact, with further consideration, I realize my plan was indeed quite flawed. But, now, toadspittle has offered it up, that is a MAD plan, MAD I tell you.
So: now all murder has stopped. Crime free America, here we come!
There’s still one major problem with this, though. With MAD, the nuclear weapons were the major factors, and their devestation couldn’t be replicated in any other way. With these Murder Chits, there’s nothing to stop someone from pulling out a pistol and shooting someone dead, completely bypassing the chance of retaliation. We’ve already dealt with the “Mutual” part of MAD, but the “Assured” part is completely missing. It wouldn’t change much at all, because if someone wanted to kill someone and not die in the process, they’d just go about it the old-fasioned way, and would be just as likely to get away with it than if the Murder Chits didn’t exist.
Then we’d have some politeness around here.