Major breakthrough in prison health care

So I’m at work today investigating a prisoner’s claim that he’s been abused by staff. He has a five page list of allegations of harassment but one item stood out.

“You said here that the officers broke your arm.”
“That’s right. They did.”
“On July 7.”
“Yes.”
“Six days ago.”
“Yes.”
“Which arm did they break?”
“This one.” (He holds up his left arm which has no cast or marks on it.)
“I can’t help but notice that your arm doesn’t appear to be broken now. How do you explain that?”
“The healing power of Santeria.”

He didn’t happen to mention anything about be turned into a newt, did he?

Well damn, I wish I would have known that when I broke my arm late last year. Stupid modern medicine, I had to have a cast and then I had to do physical therapy to recover from being in a cast! Where do I sign up?

Okay, where’d he get the chicken from?

I had an employee once who “broke” his leg during a soccer match on a Saturday. He called and told me he would be out until the following Thursday, but in fact he did not return until the following Monday. When he returned there was not so much as a limp thanks to the Santeria. I accepted his written excuse for missing the previous week the same as I would have anybody elses - who am I to judge? It was the first time I had heard of such a thing.

You think this is a joke but we actually have rules about what are allowable items for sacrifice.

  1. No animals
  2. No meat
  3. No alcohol
  4. No drugs
  5. No other illegal contraband
  6. It has to be your property