Malapropisms

Yeah, there have been threads on this before, but they’re quite old. I saw one on that vipers’ nest called “Nextdoor”, which I usually don’t read and rarely respond to. A woman was ranting about how it should be “a common curtsey” for homeless people to knock on your door before going through your trash. Perhaps they should bow prior to curtseying to your worship.

So between just Yogi & Ringo we can provide dozens I believe.

Yogi:

  • If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.
  • Mickey Mantle was a very good golfer, but we weren’t allowed to play golf during the season; only at spring training.
  • When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
  • How can you think and hit at the same time?
  • Pair up in threes.
  • Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.
  • You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.
  • I’m a lucky guy and I’m happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.
  • (On the 1973 Mets) We were overwhelming underdogs.
  • I tell the kids, somebody’s gotta win, somebody’s gotta lose. Just don’t fight about it. Just try to get better.
  • I don’t know (if they were men or women fans running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.
  • Never answer an anonymous letter.
  • So I’m ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.
  • All pitchers are liars or crybabies.
  • Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical.
  • If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
  • Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
  • Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.
  • It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
  • Take it with a grin of salt.
  • I’m lucky. Usually you’re dead to get your own museum, but I’m still alive to see mine.
  • You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
  • You don’t have to swing hard to hit a home run. If you got the timing, it’ll go.
  • I can see how he (Sandy Koufax) won twenty-five games. What I don’t understand is how he lost five.
  • He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.
  • The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
  • I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
  • It ain’t over till it’s over.
  • It’s like déjà vu all over again.
  • We have deep depth.
  • You can observe a lot by just watching.
  • Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.
  • It gets late early out here.
  • The future ain’t what it used to be.
  • I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?
  • No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.
  • A lot of guys go, ‘Hey, Yog, say a Yogi-ism.’ I tell ’em, ‘I don’t know any.’ They want me to make one up. I don’t make ’em up. I don’t even know when I say it. They’re the truth. And it is the truth. I don’t know.
  • You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.
  • It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.
  • If I didn’t make it in baseball, I won’t have made it workin’. I didn’t like to work.
  • If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them.
  • A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
  • I never said most of the things I said.
  • In baseball, you don’t know nothing.
  • I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.
  • I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. He never did anything wrong on the field. I’d never seen him dive for a ball, everything was a chest-high catch, and he never walked off the field.
  • Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.

Ringo:
It was a Hard Day’s Night
Tomorrow never knows.
Eight Days a week.

The /r/BoneAppleTea subreddit has a good collection of these, and its name also happens to be a malapropism (Bon Appétit).

Some examples I found there:

  • Cold-a-sack (cul-de-sac)
  • Due to the carnivorous, we will not be able to open the pool this season.
  • Closed due to personal circumcisions.

malapropism
The mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effect, as in, for example, “dance a flamingo ” (instead of flamenco ).

Are you sure you don’t mean next store??? Yep, I saw that on a sign that was nowhere near any retail establishments. Not even a Neck Store.

sorry

Susie Dent has a podcast, “Something Rhymes with Purple,” and one episiode was about this very topic. The specific sort of malapropism that comes from being misheard is an “eggcorn”.

Also included, as I can recall:
“From the gecko,”
“giving up the goat,”
and… lordie. There were more. But the chief point of it is she’s intelligent and pleasant to listen to, and her podcast parter is a golem of anecdotes that needs to be kept in check.

One that grates on me is “he made such a human cry about the whole thing”.

I love these. I feel so inspiraled.

Some are so common they’re in danger of becoming a standard part of the language, as in “butt naked.”

The word ‘malapropism’ hardly has any legitimate, commonly understood meaning anymore (for all intensive purposes).

The Sopranos is another malaprop goldmine.

• “Fuckin’ albacore around my neck!”
• “Retaliation, counterattacks. We’re at a fuckin’ stagmire.”
• “That was neat at the end, the creepy figurine and the crucifix.” “I’m glad you caught that, the sacred and the propane.”
• “Is the psychiatrist helping?” “Oh you know about that too?” “So what? There’s no stigmata these days.”
• “Green Grove is a retirement community! And it’s more like a hotel at Captain Teebs!” “Who’s he?” “Captain who owns luxury hotels or something, I don’t know!”
• “He’s the hair apparent.”
• “All claims to my HUD business are irrigated.”
• “Sun Tuh-zoo, the Chinese Prince Matchabelli.”
• “Maybe you should lamb chop it for a while.”
• “Create a little dysentery among the ranks.”
• “My kid is obsessed with this shit, but we tell him he’s making a molehill out of it. Is he right?”
• “This alteration you had with him… you’re at the precipice, Tony, of an enormous crossroad.”

So many more. Malaprops in The Sopranos are definitely the 500 pound elephant in the room.

Sopranos sure was a goldmine of them.

I remember an uncle of one of my friends say of this fat but muscular guy:

“He looks like one of those consumer wrestlers”. ( Sumo )

I’m not sure if this is a true malapropism, but I’ve seen people on other online forums type “Walla” when they obviously meant ‘Voila’.

On a snail collector’s forum (yes, of course those exist) people keep asking questions about cuddle bones as a calcium source.

If someone has a really sharp memory or wants to dig through quotes, Archie Bunker would be another goldmine.

I thought of those as poetic constructions rather than malapropisms.

The story is Ringo would often say something that was a malaprop and John or Paul made them song titles in some cases.

And Peggy Hill.

Yogi said something to the effect that you should always go to other people’s funerals because if you don’t, they might not come to yours. When he died a few years ago, however, none of them came.

“You can’t compare me to my father. Our similarities are different.” - Dale Berra

Hmm…
having a mute point
spading your pets
men getting their prostrate checked

I only wish Norm Crosby could have been here to see this thread.

In the 1980s, he pitched the “ecumenical” prices of Red Lobster’s “shrimp and seafood complications.”

Oh man. I wonder if you whooshed a whole lot of people there… :slight_smile:

(it should be “all intents and purposes”!)

99% of those were Paulie’s utterances, IIRC.