It seems unfair to restrict the question to one sex.
Not to mention all that onus about abortion or not. Guys can feel comfortable that they don’t have to make that decision (or, at any rate, that it doesn’t affect them as closely).
I’d go on Oprah, get a book deal, sell the video rights, give the kid up for adoption on a Reality Show that I owned half of, and then use the proceeds to live the rest of my life in peripetetic sybarism with a neverending succession of 19-24 year old concubines.
I’d be really confused how all that beer turned into a baby.
I’d blame Danny DeVito.
Count the cash
I’d be relieved, just for a moment, that I wasn’t just badly constipated.
Make sure I had a ceasarian. Because, um…OW.
Worst. Kidney stone. Ever!
Get a second opinion. If still pregnant call a good doctor, lawyer, and priest.
I think I would be very happy, though quite concerned as to who the other partner was? Maybe divine intervention or self cloning would be the cause of the pregnancy. I would cary the pregnancy to completion unless the fetus is badly damaged or unviable.
There’s an image I did not need.
Mr. Lee Mingwei should get a mention here.
Obligatory Life of Brian quote:
Judith: [on Stan’s desire to be a mother] Here! I’ve got an idea: Suppose you agree that he can’t actually have babies, not having a womb - which is nobody’s fault, not even the Romans’ - but that he can have the right to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother… sister, sorry.
Reg: What’s the point?
Francis: What?
Reg: What’s the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can’t have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It’s symbolic of his struggle against reality.
/OLoBq
“Shoot, there goes my anonymity”
Drink heavily.
Ever see the movie?
Join The Navy!
i would pay a friend to punch me in the stomach.
Call Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.
Definately.
Hysterics.
Most inquiries: GET. THIS. FUCKER. OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW!
Solicitations about my well-being: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I FEEL? GET THIS FUCKER OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW!
Meeting new people: YOU. ARE YOU THE ONE WHO’S GETTING THIS THING OUT OF ME? GET THIS FUCKER OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW!
Pain: AAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAArgh!! Fuck. Jesus. It hurts… GET THIS FUCKER OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW!
Sleep talking: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. get this thing out of meeee… now… zzzzzzz
Find the father, beat the crap out of him.