Someone needs to do torture porn versions. That would make me willing to revisit them, I think.
*Pride and Perversion
Manskin Park
Tremma
Sense and Exsanguination
*
When we went to Bath a few years ago my wife insisted on visiting the Austen museum. Sure, she had an impressive career, but I am amazed at the volume of PBS/BBC/Merchant Ivory/every other twat that makes British dramatic film productions of her books.
What’s worse is that my wife insists on seeing every one.
I just watched Becoming Jane. My one-word review: [COLOR=DarkOliveGreen]Bggargglgccchk[/COLOR].
Hey, guess what? You don’t have to watch them or have anything to do with the books or the movies (yeah, I know, you rent them out, but so what does your opinion of Austin as a whole matter?). I’ve never read a Jane Austin novel in my life, and have only seen a few of the movies, but even I know how important she was, and how witty and interesting. Becoming Jane didn’t do her much justice though, I will agree with that. I liked Miss Potter much better as a movie, though neither probably had much to do with the real-life Jane Austin and Beatrix Potter. But who cares?
James McAvoy…mmmmmm.
(and Ewan McGregor!)
sigh
(I did like The Jane Austin Book Club well enough. I really need to read some Austin one of these days)
I have to have retarded middle-aged rich white women coming up to me in the store with whatever the latest Austen abortion is and ask for my “recommendation,” when all they really want is for me to validate their choice. I learned my first week on the job to tell the difference between someone who really wants a recommendation, and someone who just wants me to tell them how smart they are for renting* Mad Money*, or whatever.
It’s soul destroying.
I have never been able to read a single Jane Austen book for more than a page. And I’ve tried. I am no slouch as a reader, but my eyes simply glaze over by the second or third paragraph, and I realize I’m having to read sentences over and over again in order to get the sense of them.
Feel better now? 
Maybe my bitterness toward retail in a rich white neighborhood has tainted this thread. Which is too bad and I apologize for it. I was kinda hoping the OP would spawn more suggestions of Troma versions of Austen movies . . . Like Cunts and Cannibalism . . . or Flense and Flensibility . . .
Dude, there are only six Austen novels.
You appear to have covered them.
Laid Susan? I’m not sure porn conducted by correspondence would be satisfactory.
Surely someone will come up with funnier titles than mine.
Oh I love reading them; I just don’t think we need a new version of every single goddamn title every 3 or 4 years. Unless, like, with a twist. Like Clueless. *Clueless *was worth making. Maybe the next person who decides they need to make an Austen film will consider setting it on Pluto or the NY gay underworld or something. But probly not; Keira Knightley would starve to death. She’s pretty close as it is.
Oh, it is a sad day for the gentle art of letter writing when epistolary pornography is so denigrated. Some blame Horatio Nelson’s conduct of the Neapolitan campaign on his various previously sustained headwounds, but a close (and hot) reading of history will show that it was Lady Hamilton’s delicately penned erotic (and most likely fictional) vignettes involving surprising use of the Admiral’s amputation stump that so distracted him as to permit his defeat in the Battle of the Nile. The mail was delayed for several weeks before the Battle of Trafalgar.
I hear you, man. Bitch turned me into a newt.
Did you get better?
Don’t blame Jane Austen for movies and TV shows made in her name.
THAT.
Explains a lot.
AUSTEN 3:16 SAYS I JUST BORED YOUR ASS OFF
Actually I kinda liked Emma, but I think I am going to give up on Mansfield Park. Will anything ever happen?!?!
Riiiight . . . and I won’t blame you for threads you haven’t read . . . ?
Well, I think I’m fully recovered, but some people say I’m still kinda slimy.
Yes, but you probably won’t like it. Something exciting almost happens. Even Jane’s family got on her about the ending. I won’t spoil it for you, unless you want me too.