I don’t do gotchas, ask rhetorical questins, or kiss dogs. I make inquiries…
By what right does the state make leaving the one-month-old illegal?
Why couldn’t they have done that, then?
However, I don’t think this guy’s decision makes him a jerk. It’s not a parenting decision I’d make, but it’s far from jerkish.
FWIW, I’ve known several parents, women as well as men, who’ve left their kids for years in order to go to another country, work and make some money (apart from one, these were all people who had enough money to pay for long and expensive English courses, so they weren’t destitute back home). One of them was even a woman who left her child when she was six months old. It wasn’t an easy decision for them and I felt sorry for them missing their kids’ lives, but I don’t consider them bad parents for it.
Indeed. My uncle spent the first few years of his daughters’ lives away from them. In another continent, in fact. There were extenuating circumstances I don’t want to get into here, except to say that he wasn’t running away from them, he was preparing to give them a better life, and in the long run he succeeded. The point is that – unless the father has done something clearly against the law – there may be issues here that none of us know about.
Well, It was an unplanned pregancy aboard ship after the start of the voyage? Many fathers are in jail or fighting in Afganistan for years while their kids grow up. I guess it was not ideal but if the wife insisted he go on without her? It wasn’t like he deserted her. I’m going with not a jerk.
Everybody keeps saying he did this just on a whim or as a hobby.
People who navigate on this level, many times not only have financial backers, but line themselves up to make money writing books and articles, reel in endorsement deals and, even though we as non-navigating/sailing people don’t hear about it, can create lucrative global lecture circuit opportunities among those who are aficianadoes of sailing and circumnavigation.
Perhaps this set him to be more of a provider for his family. Not the way you or I would have earned money, but we’re not living his – or their – life.
I think this guy could become one of my new heroes for not letting the cult of the baby ruin one of dreams.
OK, fine. I will step into your trap, allow you to spring it, and then respond.
My answer is: because leaving a one-month-old all alone poses a significant risk of harm to the child.
You would.
I’m not setting a trap for you, Rand. If I wish to make a statement, I’ll make it; I’m not going to faff about with leading questions. I’m trying to get a feel for your thoughts.
For many of us the first years of a kid’s life, no change that ALL the years of childhood are NOTHING. There is nothing magical about being shitted and spat on and we would rather avoid the whole mess. As long as the kid is provided for the parent has done their job. It is not necessary, nor do I even think it is a good idea, for the parent to be there for every diaper change. Making kids the top priority of your life only creates spoiled brats.
Yeah! And those babies crying because they’ve got diaper rash? Fuck 'em. They’re just a bunch of spoiled, and soiled, brats in training.
Plenty of children are raised by people other than their biological parents. The baby crying because it has diaper rash simply needs a competent caregiver. It is not necessary for its mother or father to be the one who applies the butt paste.
Well, bless your heart.
Sure, but many parents actually WANT their kids to be their top priority, shockingly enough.
Good for them. Some have other priorities, or refuse to let caring for an infant retard their progress in other aspects of their lives. They adjust and move forward. Contrary to our recent beliefs, babies do not need anything much more than having their basic physical requirements met. That doesn’t necessitate a home, a fence, and two dogs in the yard in a loving perfection of domestic tranquility. Babies want to eat, sleep, and be held. That’s really about it. That can be accomplished as easily on the Orient Express as at home in the nursery if you are self reliant and innovative. Once you have a kid, you only get a few years in which to continue your plans until the little one becomes big enough to necessitate dominating the majority of your time and decisions.
It’s kind of hard to put your kid as your top priority if you’re staying away from it for two years straight.
You’re holding this man up to the standards that YOU believe in. We have very limited information about this situation, do you honestly feel confident in passing judgment as an outsider who knows next to nothing about these people?
For all we know the mother has family and friends who showered her and the child with help and love in the “it takes a village” vein. If he’s involved in the child’s life from here on out it might not make a bit of difference to the child when they grow up considering he was gone during a time they don’t remember.
I wouldn’t care a bit if my mother said it was fine. Would I think that my Dad didn’t love me? Not a chance.
Someone else said that it would be different if someone were raising the child while they got an education because it’s helpful to the future. Who is to say this guy won’t get some kind of endorsements or write a book about his experience that will make money? In that situation, it’s no different than having grandma raise the baby while you’re gettin’ yer learn on.
It just never ceases to amaze me the amount of judgment on some things around here while other things are accepted and condoned.
But if you’re working or getting an education, you can at least see your child some of the time. Never seeing your child for two years for something that’s more or less optional does seem kind of selfish to me.
I guess we’ll agree to disagree because to me having the opportunity to do something that you planned for years to do at the age he’s doing it makes it a once-in-a-lifetime thing. To miss two years that the child won’t remember with the full blessing of the mother seems like something that is between those three people and hardly something that defines one as a parent.
Yes he’ll miss some “firsts” that he will never be able to see again outside of video. Then again, a lot of people miss those firsts and a babysitter sees them. If we want to judge him as a bad or selfish parent then we have to widen that scope and include a lot of other people.
A friend of mine babysits for a child of a couple who both work a LOT of hours. This child is 15 months old and will often call her (my friend) Ma or her husband Da because she sees them so much. Both parents make a good living and either one of them could quit working to raise their child but they both want to work. The kid is dropped off at about 7am each day and my friend has to call them almost every day at about 6pm to start nagging one of them to come get the baby. Most nights they pick her up at about 7pm and I’m sure she is put to bed fairly soon after that. What’s the point in having her? To top it off I guess the mother told my friend that she’s thinking of having another baby. To me, that’s worse than sailing away and leaving your child for two years.
Or will we go by my grandmother’s definition of good parenting? She was of the mind that many (if not most) couples could have one person stay home with their child instead of daycare/babysitting/nannies. She felt if they did without multiple vehicles, vacations, iPods, big screen tvs, etc etc they could afford to live within the means of one income. To her, both parents working=bad parent. To be fair, she was born in 1928 and was an immigrant to this country and was quite old fashioned.
I’m not saying I agree with her (though I did see some of her point), but where do we draw the line about our judgment of other people and their lives?
Well. actually having the kid at all is optional. He could have convinced the girlfriend to get an abortion or beat her until she miscarried. Certainly, there are some legal problems with the later, but with enough money there is probably a legal team that can get an acquittal.
If my dad ever told me that he was this close to sailing around the world, but he had to quit to be with me for 2 years that I don’t remember, I’d probably punch him in the dick. I would rather that he used that time to do something amazing that I could tell me friends about, if he felt so inclined and my mom would have let him. I’d feel guilty if I were the thing that held him back.
Men who permanently walk out on families they’ve already established… those are the dicks.