Mangetout becomes a retail serial killer

The BBQ Pit
1

You may recall that, here in the pit, I confessed to the vicious slaughter of a couple of misadventurous PC World retail staff not long ago.

Well, once again I must beg your forgiveness and understanding, although in my defence I would like you to understand that this time it was only one salesperson…

**Mangetout: **I’d like to buy this PC/monitor package please
**Salesperson: **Certainly sir, that will be £599.97 please
**M: **Yes, and that does include the TFT flat panel monitor, doesn’t it?
**S: **Yes, it does
(forms are filled etc)
**S: **Now, before we process your credit card, can I just tell you about the extended warranty cover that is available for this item…
**M: **Yes, I saw that, an extra £250 if I recall correctly; thanks but no, I don’t need it.
**S: **It’s just that if you take out the warranty, you’re protected against accidental damage and breakdown for three extra years
**M: ***(Spotting the first lie)*I think you mean three years in total, not three years after the expiration of the standard warranty, in any case, I won’t be taking out the extra cover
**S: **But if the computer should break down, you’d have to pay to have it fixed
**M: **Mmm, yes, in which case I’d fix it myself, unless of course the breakdown occurred within the standard warranty period, in which case it would be covered anyway. I really don’t want the extra cover
**S: **Breakdown wouldn’t necessarily be covered - once you open the case to install something, the warranty will be void
**M: **coughBULLSHIT!cough
**S: **I’m sorry?
**M: **Nothing
**S: ***(in the most patronising voice possible)*And anyway, you might not be able to fix the computer yourself, you may find that specifications have changed in which case you would not be able to find compatible components
**M: **Look, I know you have to try to sell me the warranty, but I’m not going to buy it, can we get on with the transaction now please
**S: **OK, but I’ll have to mark on your receipt that you declined…
**M: **Fuck it, whatever
**S: **It really is worth the peace of mind you know, are you sure…?
(At this point, Mangetout rises up out of his uncomfortable plastic chair and, with a mighty roar, draws a enormous shining Samurai blade from beneath his full-length leather coat.
With a single blow, the salesperson is cleft from crown to navel, there is a lot of blood, but fortunately none of it falls on Mangetout’s credit card, which is duly retrieved.
Mangetout wipes the blade on the remnants of the salesperson’s grubby polyester necktie and calmly leaves the store)

2

…and there was much rejoicing.

3

G
otta love stories with a happy ending.

4

Samurai blade – very impressive, I like.

But to keep balance in the universe, that means you’ve gotta take the next one out with a pirate’s sword or a hook or something.

5

Scimitar. Next one MUST be scimitar.

6

I should add that it wasn’t PC World this time, it was Comet, and of course as an IT professional I should not be seen dead buying kit in there, but a 2Ghz system with TFT monitor for 600 quid - it’s a pretty amazing price.

Good idea manhattan; I think this one died a little too quickly, but maybe next time I will punch straight through the ribcage and tear out the still-beating heart.

7

Or I may write a stern letter to their head office, I can’t decide.

8

I have to say that in some places, the extended warranty IS for three years ON TOP OF the manufacturer’s warranty.

9

You really didn’t take the extended warranty? Are you nuts? It only cost about 40% of the purchas price and your computer will be totally out of date by the time it ran up and even a pre-school wouldn’t take your PC as a donation but hey, it really is worth the peace of mind.

I prefer to strangle the salespeople with my own bare hands.

10

Even though I stressed that the details I gave them were private and made sure that the guy ticked the little box on his screen that said I was not to be sent any mailings, I just know they are going to write to me in the next week or so telling me it’s not too late to take out the extended warranty. Heads will roll, I tell you.

Last time I encountered warranty push this bad was five years back when I bought an inkjet for about £100 and they tried to sell me a 3 year extended warranty costing £125 - the printer is still working fine today (although it’s totally redundant in terms of spec).

11

Why don´t people use trebuchets anymore?

My ex-SO was the kind of person to buy extendend warranty at the tune of US$200 for a US$1200 laptop :eek:

12

Do me a favor and strangle the salespeople’s managers instead. I’ve been reprimanded for “not trying hard enough” to sell somebody a stupid “replacement plan” for their frickin’ telephone at the store where I work. :rolleyes: Useless shit 75% of the time.

13

The ONLY thing I’ve ever bought an extended warranty on is a cordless phone. And only from one place. They assured me that they’d replace the phone even if my dog chewed it up. Since that was the reason we were buying a new phone, it seemed like a good idea. Plus it was only $20 or so.

I would have asked to speak to a manager and said “Is it possible to buy this without the extended warranty? Yes? Ok would you ring it up for me, please, as this guy doesn’t seem to know how?”

14

As far as I can remember, I have bought the extended warranty only once in my life, on a VCR purchased at Blockbuster. I have no idea why I did it, but I was really glad I did. During the life of the extended warranty I had to take the damned thing in three times; by the terms of their warranty this entitled me to a replacement VCR equal in cost to what I had paid for the original unit. I pointed this out when I brought it to the customer service window and was given a voucher; I walked over to the VCR department, picked up a new VCR which (due to price drops over the last year) was a step up from the VCR I had bought. The original warranty was also extended to cover the new VCR, but I never had to use it.

15

I buy extended warranties only on cameras. Then I let the children use them without supervision. Bwahahahaha!

16

You’ve got “Poor Impulse Control” tattooed across your forehead, don’t you, Mang?

Hasn’t everyone read Snow Crash?

17

LurkMeister is one of the only people I’ve ever heard benefitting from extended warrranties, or service plans. When I bought my first house, the oil company offered me a service plan.
Coverage for infestations of weevils was included, as was damage from stampeding wildebeest. The normal things that require repair in an oil burner, strangely, were not included. And oh, boy-if I bought this plan, they’d guarantee to keep my tank filled at a cost per gallon only 30-40 cents above spot market fuel prices!
Where do I sign? :rolleyes:

18

Nah, else he’d have sliced the guy with a glass blade or harpoon

19

I bought Best Buy warranty once on a scanner. The scanner died, I got a much better scanner for the same price.

I have been a sucker and bought the store’s warranty at other times (not that frequently) but at least one time it worked out OK for me.

20

I went into Best Buy last Saturday. Picked up a camcorder for my sister, and DVD player and a new monitor for myself. Each of them was in a seperate department, so I had to deal with 3 different salespeople. Each of them asked me once if I wanted an extended warranty on my purchases, I said no, and they left me alone. No extended pushing or arguing. My sister was very impressed. :smiley: