Thanks a lot Portnoy err MrCynical ahhManservant Hecubus for the ass kissing. Unfortunately that was the second best offer in that area I received today ;).
Keith
DAMMIT!!!
Oh well, I’d still like a little ass-kissing, so Manservant will have to do.
Me too, please … but what if it’s not my ass I want kissed? 
MsRobyn,
Allow me to apologize for taking so long to get to you. I’m such a worm.
You may have felt that your esteem wasn’t important to me, but rest assured that it is! Of all the asses I could be kissing, yours is surely the most deserving!
You may now feel a tiny bit jealous of your little brother, what with his lawyerdom and all. I say PTOOI! He’s nothing next to you! I know for fact that you’re smarter, hipper, and much funnier than he could ever dream of being.
Now now now, don’t you deny it. You know it’s true, Robyn. We all do.
Silo,
You’re a misunderstood genius. You are.
I’ve recognized your talents from way back in the day when you appeared as “The Big Bad Booty Daddy”. That was funny! Too bad everyone was so stuffy, and couldn’t recognize the blatant, in-your-face style of humor that you had adopted!
You are a pillar of patience, and a paragon of virtue.
I look forward to meeting you some day, so that I, too, can have the honor of hanging out with Michael Masterson.
Falcon,
You’ve been so patient. And, you’ve been so busty and redheaded, too.
You are pretty much the Queen of the Dopefest. Aren’t you? Name ONE person who has been to more than you. You know what, even if there IS someone, they suck, and you rule.
Such dedication! Such good humor! So much willingness to flaunt your large bosoms for us! 
You are a goddess.
You think that was random?
Of course not. I’ve been trying to learn more and more about you each and every day. My sole purpose in life is to impress and entertain you!
I follow you from thread to thread, each time more eager than the last to read the words you write. Every sentence so clear, every thought so lucid! Could you be a professional writer hiding out incognito on these boards? I would think so, with the way you put thoughts down so smoothly.
Mauvaise,
What can I say about you? That you’re a shining example of beauty unfettered? Everyone already knows that.
That you’re as kind as you are pretty? Ditto.
Folks, this lady drove all the way to the airport to meet me just long enough to have one beer before I hopped my next flight. Do friends get any better than this? I think not.
Mauvaise, your man is a lucky man indeed. If he ever forgets that, let me know, and I’ll knock him over the head till he remembers.
And, you smell nice.
My ass is ready for some kissing here!
monster,
Your ass will be a pleasure to kiss.
Did anyone ever tell you that you’re just the right height to be perfectly adorable? You are.
Guys, I don’t care if you’re jealous of me. I’ve touched monster. That’s right. I have. And, given half the chance, I would do it again. Imagine going to a museum. The Louvre, say. The most beautiful pieces of art are there, but you have to view them from a distance.
Well, I got to touch them. HA!
And, in addition to being a drop-dead stunner, she’s smart! I’ve had her as a customer. This is a lady with whom it’s a pleasure to deal, and it is an honor to have her as a friend.
Holy shit! I think I’m ready to have that affair now!
Demo,
I’ll stroke your ego hard enough to where you don’t need a reach-around.
You don’t post as often as you used to, and that’s a damn shame, it is. As one of the least-full-of-it members of this board, I value, nay CHERISH every one of your posts.
Who else is as versed as you in matters of poetry? oldscratch comes close, but I don’t think he appreciates it as you. You are a man who can appreciate the tragic peals of Der Erlkoenig, and express the strength of emotion it brings in you.
You are also more handsome than I, which chaps my ass no end.
I wish that you lived closer to me, that I might have the opportunity to kick back with you a couple times a month, drink a few beers, and just talk talk talk.
smooch
Why thank you, my dear…c’mere and I’ll give you a private showing for that ass-kissing.
Just what I need. I’m a little stressed, Mr. Hecubus, so if you please…
KISS MY ASS.
Sue Duhnym,
I don’t know if I’m who you wanted me to be, but I’ll gladly take a moment to lavish attention upon your tantalizing buttocks.
I have a crush on you. That’s right. I think you’re hotter than the SUN. Even your nosejob pics. I could overlook the bruising and swelling as if it weren’t there.
Every time I see a duck, I think of you. Especially if it’s been eating mayonnaise.
One day, I hope to assume the identity of your husband, and have you for my very own.
You’re so hot. And cool. Technically, that should make you lukewarm, but I don’t think that way. I think it just gives you convection, drawing me to you on the trade winds of lust.
You’ve really outdone yourself, sir. Thank you, from the bottom of my…boxer-briefs…thank you.
And don’t forget, there’s always a beer in the fridge for you, buddy.
Well, shucks, Mistah Hecubus, sir…you don’t have to be all nice and stuff to lil’ ol’ me, I mean, I’m just trying to emulate your glory, sir. I only wish that I could be as…as nifty as you are, massuh Hecubus.
Hey, I decided that you’d been working overtime here, and you could use a little encouragement yourself. Guess I’m just not as good as the master. Carry on, Manservant, carry on.
:: blushes prettily ::
Thank you, that was a lovely arse kissing 
Cranky,
Either of your cheeks is as perfect as a ripe nectarine, if not as fuzzy.
Where have you been? I’ve missed you, you know. I miss your uncanny wit, your ability to squeeze a smile out of me even when I’m in my most dour of moods.
I miss flirting at you, as well.
You’re such a great lady. I wish you’d come back to chat more often, you have so much to offer!
Where the hell have you been?
You’re one of the posters that I get. You know? The stuff you put up makes sense to me. Damn funny sense, I must say.
I know where you’ve been. You’ve been fighting off lusty women with a stick, I imagine. They all love you here, that’s for sure. I mean, I TRY to get their attention, but the women here just gravitate to you as if you were a magnet.
I hate you for it, but I admire you so much that the hate is mitigated to a general envy.