Mars Has an Asshole, It Seems

Oh, that’s easy: Klingons! :stuck_out_tongue:

Big deal, Earth has millions.

I thought it might be the Beagle landing site.

Come on, everyone knows an asshole looks like this.

If I ever met a space asshole I’d give 'em this.

I think this may be more an example of a lost-and-found knowledge kind of thing.

For those interested, I recommend Wholecloth College Press’ You Can’t Spell Canal Without ‘Anal’, in which Professor W.W. Honesty examines the thesis that the discovery of Mars’ so-called “asshole” was well known at the turn of the century. It was quickly suppressed by prudish scientists, but not before it had passed into the ken of some contemporaneously popular science-fiction/fantasy authors. Thus an early draft of H.G. WellsWar of the Worlds contained the following passage in book 2, chapter 8: “…scattered about, stark and silent and laid in a row, were the Martians --dead!-- slain, after all man’s devices had failed, by the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, has put upon this earth: hemorrhoids.” The book glosses over the fact that Wells himself suffered mightily from hemorrhoids and easily could have had them on his, er, mind when thinking of civilization-destroying calamities.

More is made of the example of Edgar Rice Burroughs, who, under the pseudonym “E. Rice Burroughs” penned the scripts and novelizations for a number of gay porn extravaganzas centered, more or less literally, on the handsome and extra-manly John Carter: Asshole of Mars. As professor Honesty claims (pg. 457): “Oh, come on. This is a guy who wrote about characters that could suck with the palms of their hands – in his straight fiction! Nobody’s telling me he wasn’t a little bent.” In addition to the first installment, named for the main character, Burroughs (or, rather, “Burroughs”) wrote and sometimes directed several follow-ups, including Right Up The Barsoom and what many consider his martian masturbatory masterpiece, Deep Thoat.

Am I the only one that is utterly creeped out by Mars’ deep cavernous arsehole? I thinK I just developed a new phobia.