The astronauts did the filming for Imax’s 3d film about the space station - why put all that expertise to waste?
Can you imagine the queues for giant-screen 3d space porn?
Actually, several years ago, Stuttering John Melendez of the Howard Stern Show did an ambush interview of astronaut Jim Lovell, in which his first question was, “D-d-d-i-d you ever m-m-m-m-masturbate in space?”
Lovell looked annoyed, then said, “Come on, ask a REAL question.”
The annoyance was understandable… but did Lovell really think a guy who’d ask that first question had a secondary list of SERIOUS space-related questions to ask???
Naturally, Stuttering John’s substitute question was just as stupid and tasteless as the first, and that was the end of the interview.
It cost Dennis Tito $20 million to go up on a Russian rocket, so for two people to go up at the same time on one would be $40 million. NASA being the Russian program’s gravy train at the moment, could and probably would, block the Russians if they openly tried to send someone up to shoot a porno in space.
Did it cost the Russians $20 million to put him into space or was he charged $20 million? Does it cost the Russians $20 million for every person they put into orbit? The idea is for Russia to put them up and then bill people for to access the internet fee. Damnit, work with me here! We need to revitalize the space program and porn is just the thing to do it!!
As for NASA blocking them, since NASA is dependent on the Russians to supply the space station, I’m sure the Russians could care less what NASA does not want them to do. NASA sure wasn’t able to stop Tito from going up.
Puts a whole new spin on Shatner yelling “KHANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!”, doesn’t it? 
Cecil’s column on spaceflight that mentions Tito. Tito’s price (he used a travel agency, BTW) was $20 million. Anyone else wishing to book a flight is going to have to use the same travel agency, I’m sure.
NASA is only temporarily dependant upon the Russians to resupply the space station, the shuttle is scheduled to go back up in September of next year. The sole reason NASA’s funding the Russian space program is to help keep the Russian scientists from heading off to places around the world to build long range rockets for folks we don’t like (like North Korea). NASA being in tight budgetary constraints and having its very existance questioned in the wake of the Columbia disaster isn’t going to allow the Russians to send up a couple of porn stars to shoot a movie if it means that some half-witted congressman from a highly religious part of the US is going to have more ammo to shut NASA down. Nevermind that the film wouldn’t take place in NASA’s part of the ISS or that no US tax dollars would be involved in the making of the film, you can bet that Senator Blowhard, or Representative Yammerhead would be pounding the bully pulpit, screaming at the top of his lungs that NASA was using tax dollars to make a dirty movie in space! :eek:
(Of course, if some newly wed couple (
) announced after they’d spent their honeymoon in space that they were going to recoup the costs of the trip by releasing the video they made of their wedding night, well, then, there’s not a whole hell of a lot NASA can do about it.)
Good point…I’d imagine that at least some of that $20 Mil. was profit. There’d be no sense in sending up paying customers at-cost.
But remember, folks, Russia and the U.S. aren’t the only players on the block anymore…China just launched a manned Soyuz derivitive, after all.
So, get a couple of pretty Asian taikonauts, put the footage on an EVD (to avoid royalty payments on a DVD), put it on the market, and let the money start rolling in.
With a few repeat performances, we should make enough money to fund an exodus to Mars within the decade. And we can leave Senator Blowhard and Representative Yammerhead to rot on the dirt with the other Earthers.
Sending 2 passengers on the Soyuz will be expensive. The Soyuz has 3 seats, and usually used to carry 2 relief crews to a space station and bring back the previous 2. Which means the third seat is available for a short-stay passenger, and this is the seat they sometimes sell to tourists. To carry 2 passengers to the station and back would require a dedicated flight, which will cost a lot more than $40 million.
So the only way to film zero-G porn is to send up one actress to perform with one of the crew members…
Or they could charter a NASA KC-135 equipped for ballistic flights, like the makers of Apollo 13 did. You get weightlessness for about 30 seconds, IIRC.
I can’t find the press release on their website at the moment, but Space Adventures recently announced that they’ll be sending two tourists up at the same time as soon as they find anyone able to pony up the bucks. IIRC, the quoted price for that package was $40 mill.
Hmm, you’re right Tuckerfan. I stand corrected:
http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/space/06/18/soyuz.tourists/
Apparently $40 million is enough to get a dedicated flight.
I threw the book out eons ago but a kiddie-book on space questions written by a Skylab astronaut quoted him as saying the toilet didn’t work that well…occasionally a log would float throughthe cabin and the shi didn’t hit the fan too well so someone had to smear it around with a stick daily.
I’m up for the challenge. 
It Came in Outer Space
Below the Kuiper Belt
Zero G Spot
Apollo 69
The Cosmologist and the Cosmetologist
The Moans of Uranus
Bottom Quark
Confirming the Double Slit Experiment
M-Theory. Also, S&M Theory
Dog Star Style
The Naked Singularity
We’re Going Down
The Rubber Sheet Analogy
The Case Against COBE
T.O.E. Fetish
Hot Dark Matter
Blue Giants
An Untimely Lorentz Contraction
In the Asteroid
The Big Gang Bang
Chicken Hawking
String Theory, Chain Theory & Whip Theory
Space Probe
Erupting Spacetime
Supermassive Black Holes
Mutually Attractive Bodies
A Visit From the Quantum Mechanic
Two Aging Stars
Deep in Calabi-Yau Space
Energetic Interactions and Their Emitted Particles
Your Mouth Says “Neutrino,” but Your Eyes Say “Neutrin-yes.”
Atom and Eve
Shields Up, Pants Down
The Planck Length
Quantum Tunneling
A Visit to the XXX-Ray Observatory
Schrodinger’s P_ssy
Actually the russians DID try to film a sex scene is space (as part of a sci fi pic), funding was the only problem.
Also one astronaut who visited Mir found that the Russians had a nice collection of soft core euro-porn. Darn russians were so poor they couldn’t even get the good stuff.
here’s the link which also hints at an affair between cosmonauts…
From your link
(bolding mine)
Notice that it’s Mir, the Russian built space station and not the ISS the author’s talking about. Also, from other material in the link, it looks like it was not going to be a porno, so that the liklihood of the actors actually engaging in sex is pretty low (from an official stand point, 'twere it me, I’d make up some kind of excuse, and actually perform the uh, “docking manauver” as it were).
It’s a little dated, but this article makes the claim that launches, even using conventional rockets aren’t as expensive as they’re made out to be.
Well, we stand at a fork in the road. NASA can keep sending braniacs into space and make certain that their funding keeps getting cut or they can make one giant leap for mankind and start making porn in space.
I figure it will go like most everything else has. China will take the lead and soon we won’t even have a space program. The Chinese will do it cheaper and everyone will use them for the launches. I would write the Chinese government with my suggestion but I’d probably get put on some FBI watchlist.
relief crews… tee hee!
**
Or they could send up one actor to perform with one of the (female) crewmembers: I’m sure there’d be a bigger market for watching someone pork an astro-chick than vice versa.
**
Possible title: Apollo 13 inches.
A big part of space missons from the days of Skylab and Salyut to the present has been monitoring how spaceflight (microgravity and radiation exposure) effects the human body. So if crews are returning blood and tissue samples for the flight surgeons to study, I would imagine semen would be a priority item as well, though of course not publicized.
May i be the first to visit uranus?
They collected it in “The right stuff”, with all the boys singing their army/navy/air force songs in the cubicles.
Another title: The white stuff.