Of course, but giving up a cat because of the slight chance it might hurt a baby is silly. this happened before the baby even came. What ever happened to supervising pet-baby encounters?
I am not so much upset about the dumping of the cat as I am upset that Liberal expects us to believe she did it because she is a wonderful mother, when she won’t even quit smoking for the poor baby.
It’s true. I have a cat now that would die before she would let anyone other than my immediate family take care of her. Many people don’t even believe she exists because she has never been seen by anyone other than me, my husband, my kids and of course, the vet. And now that the kids don’t live at home, they don’t usually see her unless they stay for several days and she figures out who they are again.
Cats are not as aloof and independent as people make them out to be. We bred them to be companions and they are unhappy without a social system.
Elza suggested that people not get pets if they know in the future they will just be getting rid of the pet when they have a kid. It’s all part of the committment responsible pet owners make.
Then you have a strange cat. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
That is slightly different from:
No one is saying don’t have kids. And I agree with Elza. Don’t get pets if you plan on getting rid of them as soon as you have kids. That is not the same as not having kids because you have pets.
I just don’t understand why some things are either/or for some people. What a rigid world you must live in.
Exactly. If you know you’re just going to be getting rid of a pet once the kids come along, don’t bother getting that animal in the first place. I don’t see why that’s such an outrageous statement to make.
I understand that situations come up and sometimes pets need to be rehomed. If we could take in another cat without upsetting my two, I would gladly take my brother and SIL’s cat, who has unfortunately been relegated to being an outdoor cat since he started peeing in the house - she tried everything to get him to stop. I adore him, and if we could find a way to make it work (and find a way to stop him from peeing), I’d gladly take him in - my SIL hasn’t given him away because 1. she figures no one wants a cat who will pee in the house, and 2. she still loves him dearly, and it is KILLING her to make him an outdoor cat. I generally don’t like cats to be outdoor cats, but even I understand the reasoning for it here. She’s doing the best she can, and I understand that.
But I do NOT understand a pre-emptive move to get rid of a cat before the baby even comes. Honestly, it just boggles the mind.
E.
they all are, IME.
She characterized it as territorial, temperamental, and a bit hyper. She did love the cat. Had she been comfortable with keeping it, she would have. It was the first issue that came to her mind when she discovered she was pregnant. She and her husband talked it through and decided together that they did not want to risk any harm to the child. In any case, it turned out to be a good decision because the baby was born literally drowning in its own feces. It had had a bowel movement in the womb, and was on antibiotics in intensive care for several days after birth. What with all the complications attending that, one more involving a cat might have sent her over the top.
Seems an odd point to debate, considering that mom herself isn’t in the discussion. I wish my father defended my behavior (whether perfect or less than) as vigorously as Liberal is defending his. That she gave it up at all is in her favor, and she may well quit entirely in the future–I’ve had many acquaintences say that quitting for good took several tries.
Why is it that you allocate yourself so many “ifs”, but you don’t allow them to others? If you could take another cat… If it didn’t pee… If it weren’t an outdoor cat… If you could find a way to make it work… Why is it your default position that my daughter just up and said, “Baby? Well, fuck the cat!”? That’s not the case, and it’s not at all how I described what she went through. Did it cross your boggled mind that she might have dealt with any number of “ifs” of her own?
It’s not that hard. I’ve done it maybe ten, eleven times.
I think much of the ire here isn’t necesarily aimed at overprotective mothers, but irresponsible pet owners. I would not say your daughter is a bad mother, Liberal. Although she was in a position I will never be in myself, a mother has to do what she thinks is best. I’m just sorry it was at the expense of a cat.
When I got my first cat, they asked me a whole bunch of questions that I had to sit and think carefully about. The cat, they said, might come with behavioral problems, such as a tendency to scratch the furniture, or not know how to use a litterbox, or spraying. I told them I hoped they didn’t come with behavioral problems, but if they did, I’d spend as much time as I can working with them on it. They then asked me under what circumstances I would give this cat up. They listed examples such as moving, behavioral problems, new baby, tendency to run away, not get along with other cats etc. At the time of filling the application out, I had to think what would happen if I moved, and the answer was simple, I would find a place that allowed animals. What if I met the man of my dreams, change my mind about having children and pop out a few? Cat would stay unless she seriously injure the child.
My underlying principle is the same as disagreeing with people who buy puppies and kittens from pet stores. They walk by, they (or their kids) see that cute adorable kitten in the window and make it an impulse buy. They don’t think about what happens when they have to move, or the kids grow up and all of a sudden, they lose interest in that fluffy ball with a poofy tail. The three cats I have now, I’ve had to put in applications at the animal shelter. There was nothing more I would have liked than to take them home right away, but I am glad they have the application process because it lets people sit and think about why they really want an animal, and what happens when life situations change.
Give it a chance to do none of the above, but rather to live harmoniously and comfortably with the child, as the vast majority of pets would be able to do. “Give it a chance” means that you wait until a problem arises before you take action. So I, like flight, wonder if this particular cat had some issues that made the owner feel that problems were certain to arise, or if she just got rid of it due to some free-floating worry that the cat might hurt the baby. (And, really: Sneeze? Spit?)
I’ve read every single one of your posts, and I’m sorry if that’s not the way you intended it to come across, but that’s how I’ve read them. I’m trying to understand it, I really am.
There are a LOT of valid reasons for an animal to be rehomed. There are a lot of valid reasons why someone can or can not take an animal into their home.
I’m going by your posts, Lib.
And upon preview, I see that you’ve posted this:
That’s more information, and I don’t recall reading it in your previous posts. I do admire your defense of your daughter, and honestly, I can’t say what I would have done in her shoes. I also had quite a difficult birth and a difficult recovery, so I know what that does to you.
I don’t mean to castigate your daughter, Lib, I truly don’t. I was voicing an opinion based on the information that had been previously presented. I do feel very strongly about this issue and can be quite vocal.
E.
Which is not the same as saying that they shouldn’t have kids, or saying that if they have pets their decisions should be based around said pets. It means exactly what it says: If you are going to take on the responsibility for another life form, then you should think it through, especially if you think there may come a time when you can’t meet the requirements of that responsibility. I see nothing wrong with holding the belief that Elza stated- if you KNOW there will come a time when you will WILLINGLY abdicate responsibility of your pet, then you do one of two things: you don’t get a pet, or the moment you see the time looming on the horizon, you do everything possible to find the pet another home.
Let’s say Liberal’s daughter was trying to conceive (rather than an unexpected Visitation From God). Figure she wouldn’t get knocked up the first go-around, so let’s give it, oh, three months. Then you won’t want to count on Little Lib popping out at exactly nine months, so you give incubation, say, eight months. That’s ALMOST A YEAR that they had to find the cat a suitable home. And it’s not like it was a difficult or unplanned decision, as Liberal himself states:
And so, she chose to get rid of an unknown danger- a cat that she’s had since before she got married who, as far as we know, has never shown signs of aggression- but the cancer sticks- a known danger for a multitude of reasons- are still going strong. Makes absolute sense, and really one can see that apples truly don’t fall very far from trees.
Look, sometimes pregnancies do just happen, absolutely. But they don’t resolve themselves overnight… there are months and months in which, in between oohing and aahing over cutest-wootsey baby items, one can make an effort to properly rehome a pet. Dumping one in a shelter days before a major holiday during which folks are not as likely to be in the market for a pet- and dumping a senior pet at that- is irresponsible.
Is anyone else out there thinking of Socks?
The only one of those I had was a one-time encounter with a tire swing, and I fell off. No wonder I’m so messed up.
What I was wondering about, did the cats really care that they were given away “a few days before Christmas”? I was aware that they were aware of the impending most wonderful time of the year.
They didn’t, until they we euthanized because fewer people came through the shelter to adopt cats during the holidays.
I agree with **Elza ** and was just providing information to Boscibo, in case that wasn’t clear.
I love that book! I still have my original copy.
Anyone have numbers on adoptions around the holidays? Our first shelter kitty was chosen right after the holidays, and we were not the only family shopping for furry companions.
I honestly don’t get the “humans over animals” people. There are six BILLION humans on the planet - it’s not like we’re going extinct any time soon (and if we do, it will be our own damned fault). I’ve run into this “they’re just ANIMALS” attitude here before on the Dope, and it always blows my mind. WE’RE just animals - animals with big brains that wear clothes and hurt other creatures for no better reason than because we can. I really don’t care for attitudes that put humans in an exalted position above animals - until our big, fat brains can come up with another planet to live on, we’re all in the same boat.