Sean Connery, if he puts on about thirty pounds…
Dr. Fidelius, Charlatan
Associate Curator Anomalous Paleontology, Miskatonic University
“There’s a Seeker born every minute.”
Steven Wright, definitely. 
Not to sound superficial, but I think looks count as much as attitude in this sort of thing. Why the hell did Donald O’Connor get the title role in THE BUSTER KEATON STORY?
Uke
Hafta be Janeane Garofalo for me…
Slythe, if Jeff Goldblum is playing you, I want to be your date at the premiere. Yum.
Veni, Vidi, Visa … I came, I saw, I bought.
Stevie Rave, you really better hope you don’t look like Matt Damon from the educational series “Voyage of the Mimi.”
(He was about 9 years old)
Like I said, Jack Nicholson would play me for attitude. Well, actually, that’s just for the cool scenes. The rest of the time, I’d pick Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean) to play me in the many silly scenes.
If for looks, it would have to be, ahem, Brad Pitt. Okay, okay, maybe Gilbert Godfried.
I don’t know who first said “everyone’s a critic,” but I think it’s a really stupid saying.
Hate to say it, folks - MPSIMS.