“Don’t squeeze the Charmin!”
OK, Charmin may not be defunct yet, but Mister Whipple is, so I figured it was worth a mention.
I thought of another one…and since thinking of it, the jingle has been in my head all evening. Thanks a lot.
Anyway, the commercial was for some homework service in central Indiana (where I grew up) called “Dial A Teacher.” It’s been 20 years since I lived in Indy, so I’m assuming it’s a defunct service.
Annoyingly, I can’t remember how the jingle starts, but essentially someone is lamenting how hard homework is, and an acapella 4-part high school choir-sounding group sings,
“Cool it man, don’t get uptight!
The answer is quick, the answer is right!
Call 266-4300 (“two-six-six, four-three hundred”), 266-4300, 266-4300…”
<abrupt change to final info screen and voiceover>
“For help with homework problems, call Dial-A-Teacher at two-six-six-four-three-oh-oh!”
The whole commercial was pretty darn cheap looking, complete with puffy-haired 80s teens holding up number placards to form the phone number as they sang. And yet, 20+ years later, I remember the phone number.
A friend and I did actually call the service once when we were genuinely stuck on a math problem (I think we were in 6th grade or so). We called the number and were asked what text we were using (lots of questions on the publisher, year, lesson, etc), and then finally…they just told us the answer. That’s all. We were disappointed–we actually wanted to know HOW to get the answer, and they were useless for that.
I feel like chicken tonight!
Like chicken tonight!
This one had not just a jingle but a dance move!
Chicken tonight! 
The first one I thought of. 
Yes. And then there’s
"Say the Magic Word, say Mission Pack, and it’s on it’s merry way. No gift so gay, so right, so bright, as a Mission Pack on it’s way". (words not exact).
This was when you’d send Oranges for Christmas to your relatives outside the Sunbelt.
Brusha brusha brusha with the new Ipana. Ipana toothpaste.
Old Chevy bit an easy earworm:
“See the USA in your Chevrolet
America is asking you to call.”
Whether jazz or operatic
In a ballroom or an attic
With the brand-new automatic 1201!
(for Philco radios)
It’s in your grocery stores now!
Not being a smoker, I don’t know if these are still being made, but the title immediately made me think of Roi-Tan cigars.
Well, that’s what the jingle’s for, after all.
One of the papers here had radio commercials for their classified ads that went something like,
To sell a car or a boat
Or a horse or a goat
Call four four four, four-four four-four*
The part that broke me up was they’d have the whole jingle at the top of the commercial, then an announcer would extol the virtues, including whatever special they were running (Run three days and get the fourths day free!). Next, just the ‘call’ part of the jingle again, twice, and the announcer would be back, “If that’s too hard to remember, just keep punching four until somebody answers.”
*I think they were reaching for a rhyme here. There’s not a lot of livestock sold.
While your version is probably one you remember hearing, the one used in the ads was:
My beer is Rheingold the dry beer. Think of Rheingold whenever you buy beer. It’s not bitter, not sweet, it’s the extra dry treat, won’t you try extra dry Rheingold beer?
The tune it is sung to is Estudiantina Valse, Opus 191, No. 4 (The Students’ Waltz). I hear this occasionally on the radio, and can’t help but sing along. It’s like the “Kill the Wabbit” version of Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen.
It’s a little more conventional, but the other day I caught a new round of the “1-800-BARTEND” commercials with the female singer singing all the drinks she learned to make that day.
I mentioned it to my wife, and said that the new girl wasn’t as enthusiastic as the old one with the guy. When she said she didn’t rememeber it, I sang the entire thing from memory, even though it had probably been 2 years or so since I had heard it…
- I made a Slippery Nipple and a White Russian,
A Neutron Bomb and a Manhattan!
A dry martini and a pina coloda,
Purple Hooters and a Bahama Mamma!
If you’re looking for a school to attend,
Call 1-800 (dun dun dun) BARTEND!*
That Gino’s bit triggered another one from the bottom of my brain. Chicagoans may remember
Everybody loves Lee and Eddie’s
Mom and dad and all the kiddies too…
Buddy’s Carpets.
“Come on by, folks, 'cause I loooooooooove to sell carpets!”
For breakfast cereal:
It’s “Circus Fun”, right in your bowl
And you’re gonna wanna come flyin’
With horses and hoops, bells and bears
Elephants and lions
Thought of one today as I was perusing the crab legs at Costco. It’s for a local chain called Sea Galley, which, unfortunately, became defunct somewhere in the early or mid eighties. Sea Galley was along the lines of Red Lobster, which, back then was called Pantley’s Red Lobster. But I digress.
Picture several waiters with giant crab legs instead of people legs, with crab claws for feet. They’re dancing around and singing:
Crab legs. We’ve got crab legs.
Sea Galley.
We’ve got crab legs.
Sea Galley.
We’ve got snow! Snow! Snow!
King! King! King!
Dungeness too!
Few commercials have been as fun to watch or had as catchy a jingle, in my opinion. All these years later, I still think of them when I think of crab legs.
If you’ve got trouble - wait, don’t run.
This kind of trouble is lots of fun.
Pop-A-matic, pops the dice.
Pop a six and you move twice.
Race your man around the track
And try to send the others back.
That’s Pop-A-matic Trouble!
Watch the dice in the plastic bubble
It pops you in and out of trouble.
Here comes sister, look out Jack!
You’ve got trouble you’ll go back.
The game is fun for Dad and Mother
and sis can trouble her mean old brother.
Trouble Trouble! That’s Pop-A-matic Trouble!
(From Irwin)
This 30- second TV ad ran in the late 60’s and early 70’s IIRC.
I can’t shake it from my memory even though I haven’t seen this spot for decades.
:smack: Get out of my head! :smack: Dang-it! :smack:
.
“Mug O’ Lunch, Mug O’ Lunch, Mug O’ Lunch!”
I can’t remember any of the words, unfortunately, because my brother and I rewrote the lyrics in that special crude but hilarious way that you do when you’re 7, and now the rewrites are all I can remember.
Though the cereal was around during the 60’s and early 70’s originally (way before my time), Post released a version in the 80’s:
Hello my name is Crispy
how do you do?
Crispy Critters cereal’s entirely new
its indubitably, (indubitably)
indubitably, (indubitably)
indiubitably (indubitably) delicious!
And alternately:
*Oh here come Crispy Critters.
A good, wholesome bunch!
A low sugar cereal… With lots of crrrunch!
Its indubitably, (indubitably)
indubitably, (indubitably)
indubitably, (indubitably) delicious!! *
The “idubitably” in parentheses was the little kid trying to echo the ALF reject’s word but couldn’t pronounce it so it came out as “in-doob-a-lee”.
And let’s not forget the Durante-esque Ah-cha-cha-cha at the end.