Memories of Your Grandparents

Reader’s Note: This is the reissue of a thread that was mercilessly hamstered into The Cheek Pouches of Oblivion™. I’m hoping that everyone who contributed to the previous release of this thread would repost their memories. Some of them were rather poignant and others quite touching. Thank you.

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I was reading Quasimodem’s thread about his Oma (German Grandmother) and was immediately deluged with memories of my own Danish grandmother.

I suppose it would sound a little too ubiquitous to mention how the smell of freshly baked bread instantly transports me back into her kitchen on Spruce Street in the Berkeley Hills. Her Danish style French bread was a wonder to taste. It had a tight crumb and dense yeasty interior. This was no baguette full of carbonated voids, it was a bread that was food in and of itself. The egg washed crust was a perfect golden brown and scattered with poppy seeds. According to Danish tradition, each slice was slathered with enough butter for you to see your teeth marks after you took a bite. There is even a special Danish word for buttering bread so thickly (which I do not remember). Maybe one of our Danish posters will provide it for us.

I can still remember her pouring me my first (small) cup of coffee. I also recall the first time my Danish grandfather let me have a taste of Aalborg schnapps. I was all of eight or nine and tossed it down like I had seen everyone else around the table do. This was rewarded with the sensation that I had just ingested a full measure of napalm with some chile peppers on the side. My grandfather was the keeper of the licorice and chocolate. He would always have some white wrapper Van Houten chocolate bars in milk chocolate and orange flavor. These were divided up between us three boys for an evening treat. Every once in a while, we would receive small boxes of Gajol salmiak or salt pastiller licorice. Just yesterday, I dropped by Nordic House in Oakland to by some Haribo salt pastiller and Super Piratos.

We would crowd around the old Philco television set (our own family did not get one until I was almost ten) and watch first runs of “I Love Lucy,” “The Flintstones” and “The Ed Sullivan Show.” I can still remember seeing the Beatles on Ed Sullivan for the first time. During the day, we would watch “The Three Stooges” and Warner Brothers cartoons after hiking up to Indian rock or playing at Live Oak Park.

My grandfather’s birthday closely coincided with December 31[sup]st[/sup], so we traditionally celebrated it on New Year’s Eve. It was the perfect excuse to have another big time blowout after the glow of Christmas had worn off. Having two very different sets of Grandparents proved to be quite a boon. In reflection, I can now understand that my father’s somewhat dour middle American stock parents probably took a dim view of my Mother’s folk. My father’s mother was a hypochondriac and insisted that she was of poor health most of the time. Quite a contrast to my Danish grandparents who epitomized the usual Viking stock. All of this played quite well with us kids. We ended up having three Christmas celebrations each year. There would be Christmas Eve at my Danish grandparents, Christmas morning at our house and then Christmas Day with my father’s relatives.

More than anything about Christmas at my Danish grandparents house, I remember the Christmas tree. It would be brought into the house only days before Christmas Eve. During the day on the 24[sup]th[/sup], the tree would be trimmed with all sorts of traditional Danish decorations. There were paper hearts and krammehuset (?) stuffed full of candies, garlands and some glass ornaments as well. Little Nisse (elves) would peek from the mantelpiece and bookshelves all through the living and dining rooms. Day after day, all of us boys had eagerly pried open one of the little windows on the Advent calendar hoping to be the lucky one who would open the large doors on Jul Aften. Each evening, my grandmother would light the Christmas candle. This is something almost unique (to my knowledge) to Danes. It is a candle with 24 gradations marked upon it’s shaft. The candle is allowed to burn down by one gradation each night starting on December 1[sup]st[/sup] all the way until Christmas, when it is allowed to burn down all of the way.

Speaking of candles, many of you will shake your heads in dismay when I tell you this. Every single year we spent Christmas on Spruce Street, the Christmas tree was covered in candles. Yes, lit glowing, burning fire laden ultra-dangerous candles. If you have never seen a darkened room splashed with the flickering glow of dozens of candles reflecting off of the ornaments and tinsel, they you have yet to see a real Christmas tree. My dutiful grandfather always had a bucket of sand at the ready. It was never once needed. The Danish Christmas candles are like few others. Made of the hardest wax, they are dripless and smokeless. Held in wire wrapped mounts with pendulum bases, they stay perfectly upright at the branch ends and cast the entire tree with a thousand dancing gleams and shadows.

We would all hold hands and dance in a circle around the tree singing “chim tah rah tah” and other ancient songs (comsa bjorn, nu skal ve sees). Although not at the time, now the presents that were opened are merely an after thought. All of this took place only after the feast. Sometimes three tables had to be put end-to-end in order to accommodate our entire clan. My grandmother would make a roast goose or turkey, her famous red cabbage, two types of pickled herring, three types of potatoes (mashed, caramelized and boiled), home made rolls and bread, gravy, pasta salad and more dishes than you could count. For dessert it would always be the same thing. It is a traditional dense and very rich pudding called, risengrød. Rice is first cooked in scalded milk until soft. It is then stirred into whipped cream with vanilla and some sugar. All of this is topped with lignonberry syrup or fruit preserves.

According to tradition there is an almond (or small gold coin) buried in the pudding. The person who finds the almond gets a special prize. One Christmas, my aunt won and the prize was a gigantic wrapped box. Upon opening it, she was confronted with another wrapped box, and so on through about eight iterations. Her final prize was an ordinary trinket in a tiny little box. In reality, there should have been a prize for anyone who could get through seconds of the risengrød. The pudding was rich enough to balance the national debt. If you weren’t full after the meal, you most certainly were after dessert, that was for sure.

Somehow, Christmas at my Father’s relatives never held an advent candle to how my mother’s family celebrated. I can only recall a more subdued and less festive atmosphere. I can easily trace some of my love of cooking to sitting in my grandmother’s kitchen and watching her at work. I still make some of the traditional Danish dishes I learned from her. I’ve posted a few of them in the recipe thread for posterity.

So, let’s hear your tales of days spent with your grandparents. Perhaps Quasi will peek in and regale us with some more tales of his German Oma.

Well I did a post that I will redo again… this time I think I can get through without completely breaking down as I did last time… and maybe it will be a little neater in my typing as well.

Mainly my memories are of my Father’s parents. Mom’s parents live on the East coast and I never got that close to my grandfather out there before he passed away in 97. Mainly I remember him as being a stern man who loved us but wasn’t into overt displays of affection. Nanna has always been there, but I’ve never been really close to her. Even now she disapproves of me somewhat, partially because of my father and partially because I haven’t done anything ‘properly’ in her eyes (I dropped out of school, though I did later complete my high school and I am now pregnant while unmarried) but I know she loves me in her own way and worries.

My father’s parents have lived near us, or at least the same province, for as long as I can remember. We would see them fairly often, always on holidays and go on trips with them during the summer. They had a trailer they would hitch up to their truck and we would climb in and go on trips around Alberta and BC. Grandpa when I was little was always this tall man who would play with us and tease us mercilessly. He would give us candies from little pill bottles with labels like ‘Smart Pills’ or ‘Hyper Pills’ usually jelly beans. When Grandma served ice cream Grandpa would point at something beyond our shoulder and tell us to look and then would steal a small spoonful from our bowls. We caught on as we got older but we never stopped looking…

As I got older I grew closer to him in some ways. We would go to car shows, Dad, Grandpa, James (my brother) and I and look at the cars. I’ve never been a huge car person but I still like looking and it was always a treat to just hang out with Grandpa. We would often play cards… usually Gin Rummy with Grandma and James and later learned Canasta. One of Grandpa’s favourite things to do was crossword puzzles. I would often sit next to him and try to puzzle them out, filling in the one or two that I could guess. Later on when I lived with them I would get up and hope that Grandpa hadn’t gotten to the daily crossword yet so I could try my hand before he filled it in. If he hadn’t I would fill in as much as I could and he would later go over it, filling in what I missed and telling me the answers as he went and correcting my mistakes. It was our time together, something we both enjoyed much as my brothers love of cars became their time together. It hit us both hard when he passed on 2 years ago from cancer. It was expected but somehow we always felt he would go on forever. I never saw this but my Dad told me James cried when he bought his first car. You see Grandpa passed on before his 16th birthday and he so wished to share that with him. And me… well I cry when I realize he will never get to hold his first great-grandchild in a few months. A new generation for him to tease by stealing spoonfuls of ice cream or to feed jellybeans as smart pills.

Grandma… Grandma and I have always been ambivalent towards each other. We can agree on a lot of things… and disagree on as many more. But it’s from her that I gained my love of crafts and sewing, and I look forward to her cabbage rolls every Thanksgiving and Christmas. Grandma is always doing something with her hands… whether it be crocheting or cross-stitch or sewing. Walking into her home you can almost always expect there to be something cooking, at the end of summer she is working on her canning and through the winter there are pies and desserts and dinners. Walking in at Christmas is always a treat with everyone hanging around waiting for dinner to cook. She also makes little bags for everyone as presents… all sorts of little things tucked in. Usually a lotto ticket for the adults and some other needed odds and ends, little toys from the dollar store or notebooks for the kids along with a pair of socks or two. She and I have sort of learned to get along with each other, and we are usually happiest with both of us just sitting around talking and doing something with a ball of yarn and a hook or needle and thread. Even though she drives me up the wall with her expectations of me I find myself hoping she stays like this for a long while. Healthy and somewhat happy with the world around her.

My Grandma on my mother’s side raised me as much as Mom did. I loved her, and could tell her anything. She always gave me encouragement and support.

Grandma made apple strudel, thick with brown sugar. It tasted better than anything in the world.

When she developed mental illness, it tore our family apart, and caused me more pain than anything I’ve ever felt.

Oh God, I miss her so.

This hurts. I’m not doing it anymore.

I knew only one of my grandparents. Because I was born, to use the quaint expression, “out of wedlock”, I never saw those on my father’s side, because I was denied.

My maternal grandmother, Elinor, was my rock for the first decade of my life, along with my mother. I only knew her as sickly or ill. In the latter years of her life, she was bedridden. But she taught me stuff. Along with mum, she taught me how to read and write (she’d been a student teacher at age 16 in London, 1908), and how to sign my name. Still remember her teaching me how to copy her letter E.

In her time, she’d had her own milkrun in London, and raised three kids from during World War 1 to just before the Depression. During the second World War, she was an ARP warden during the blitz. And when my mum was left a widow in California in the early 1950s, my grandma travelled all the way from England, right across America, to be with her daughter and her two young grandchildren (my half-brothers). Worked for a bit in the kitchens of a hotel in San Francisco, to help the family save to get back to England. Which they did. She would have been close to 60 years old, then.

When mum decided to come out to New Zealand later, without hesitation Grandma came out too. Three generations have therefore lived here in this house where I dwell.

Grandma would listen from her bed as an eight-year-old Ice Wolf read out stories to her. She loved to hear me read, and ask questions. When she was tired, I’d just hold her hand. “Hands across the water,” she’d say. She died in 1973, 30 years ago now, of arteriosclerosis. One bright, sunny morning, the loud, laboured breathing from the bedroom abruptly ceased, and mum got up to check for confirmation of death with the mirror, as they used to do then. Then started preparing the body for the funeral director.

Grandma tried hard to teach me how to cook. She was wonderful in the kitchen, but I never really got much chance to listen. From her, though, I know how to make mash potatoes, at least. Christmas was never the same after she’d gone.

I still miss her, and wish I could still hear her wise voice.

Of all my grandparents, my grandpa on my mom’s side was a great guy. I use to spend every summer with him. He was one of the first chiropractors to graduate from the school back east, so when we’d see him, he’d pull out his table and fix us all up. He also taught me how to play cribbage, and I was there when he got a 28 hand, although I often heard of the time he got a 29 one. I remember walks with him, in Salmon Arm, and everyone knew him, and called him Doc.

My grandpa was a competitive man. When we played pool, he’s start bumping the table if he was losing. And sometimes I had to let him win just so he’d keep playing. Once a guy took his seat, and my grandpa laid him out…and he was around 80 at the time.

Now excuse me if I jump around a bit…when we’d go to his house, we had things we always had to do. Rolling apples down the hill was one of them, and I think my grandpa was pretty good at it. Having coffee at the same spot was another, although I’ve forgotten the spot. We’d also go to the airport and dump for whatever reason.

Ok, now I’m sad. I did his eulogy a few years ago, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. To go back and do it again, I’d sure spend a lot more time with him. He was a great man, and a true gentleman.

Dr. Gordon Gibson was my grandpa, and I’m very proud of it.

Oh, to go back and do my life again, I’d spend a lot more time with my grandpa, not to go back and do the eulogy again…

When I was 5 years old, my one grandfather taught me how to make graham crackers and milk. I didn’t know at the time grandpa had throat cancer and was dying. It was all he could eat.
I still eat it as comfort food.

His wife, my grandmother, owned a nursing home. I learned a lot about the elderly growing up as a kid, but obviously not enough. I realize now that the last time I saw my grandmother, she knew it was going to be the last time I saw her. I didn’t know it. She was crying uncontrolably when I left to go back to Europe and she died a few months later.

On my father’s side, both grandparents went to a retirement home. My grandmother got Alzheimers and didn’t realize grandpa had died in the bed next to her.

That said, I was lucky to know all of my granparents and they all had colorful lives full of experiences…relatives of the Wright brothers, survivors of major disasters and one of them smoked Kool cigarettes and taught the kids to play poker and then ripped them off of their allowances…I smile when I think of them all.

One grandmother freaked my younger brother and I out when we went snooping through her dresser drawers one day and found a picture of my great-grandmother- a picture of her dead in her casket! My brother and I went screaming out of the room.

I have never snooped in another person’s room, medicine cabinet, woman’s purse or anything since.

To anybody reading this who still has grandparents who are alive, do not wait! Ask now about family history and get those stories! If possible, get it on tape.

Well I’ve had a little more time to think about them since the last thread was eaten by rabid hamsters. I had a long chat with Willy and he promised he’d speak with the hamster union on our behalf and see if this thread could be left entire. I gave him some extra fruit treats for his efforts.

My Nana and Pa were the two most important people in my life. Without their love I doubt I would have had the strength to survive the rest of my childhood. I practically lived at their house until I started elementary school and then I spent my summers at their house until my Nana died when I was 13.

My Pa was very sick. He had quite a few heart attacks and one of the first angioplasty procedures in the country. He spent a lot of time tethered to an oxygen tank but he tried really hard not to show Nana and I how sick he really was. We lazed away the days in his bed watching game shows and Nana would bring us snacks. Pa taught me to peel grapes and twist oreos. He had a little santa bell that he would ring when he needed something because he couldn’t talk very well or loudly as time passed. When I was there I got to ring the bell for him. That little bell is one of the few things I have of his.

On his good days he would take me for ice cream at the dairy so I could see the cows.

When I was 4 or 5 I saw a dress in the flyer for K Mart. Apparently I really fell in love with this dress so Pa made sure I had my dress. Nana saved the clipping of the ad for the dress.

If I slept over their house, always a special treat, Nana would make cinnamon toast cut in triangles and scrambled eggs and juice for us to eat. Nothing tastes better than scrambled eggs with a little milk fried with real butter on a cast iron pan! Pa would come out of his bedroom in his pajamas and his blue plaid robe and his leather slippers and do a shuffling tap dance that always made us laugh in the morning.

We played a lot of cards too. Pa had a special deck and he taught me to play solitaire and rummy. After he died Nana and I would play rummy with his cards and we would talk about what we missed most about Pa. Everything really. I wish I still had someone to talk about them both with.

Nana also kept an odd assortment of fancy glasses for me because I liked to drink out of different things. My favorite was an old glass coke bottle that sits in my hutch for my kids one day.

Nana died of cancer when I was 13. I kept one of her comforters because it smelled like her house. I slept with it every night until it dissolved into shreds.

Their greatest wish was to dance at my wedding and I hope somehow they did.

My grandpa always had Life-Savers. The butterscotch, usually. Every year, I didn’t know what to buy him for Christmas, so I bought him one of those “books” of Life-Savers, and he gave me half the rolls right back.

He also used to beg me to run over to the drugstore to buy him a lemon ice-cream cone, and I was about 10 by the time I figured out that was his way of slipping me a buck for ice cream for myself, too. I thought I was actually doing him a favor, before that!

Once, he and my Dad took me fishing, and I snagged Grandpa’s thumb with my fishhook. He cussed a lot as we cut the hook out, but I knew he wasn’t really mad at me.

And my Granny had a bottomless cookie jar. Always full, and always open. She made real cinnamon bread, and bought those little 6 oz. glass bottles of Coke for the kids. I love those little bottles. I always felt so grown-up with a bottle of Coke at her house. (Mom only bought cans. No glass bottles.)

Sadly, Grandpa died, and Granny followed him 6 months later. They argued constantly, but they couldn’t live without each other after 63 years of marriage. Now, my son’s second middle name is after Grandpa, so it’s sort of a legacy.