The general characterization of hetero male sexuality has always been a problem for me. Sufficiently foreign to my experience that back when I was a virgin I did indeed wonder if maybe I were gay (not that I found guys desirable but more in the spirit of “that’s all that’s left for guys like you who aren’t wired up right”), and also explored the possibility that I was transgendered. (And if I’d realized that there were people born male who obtained M2F surgery and subsequently identified as lesbians, that might have gotten more serious consideration, although I never really had a problem with the male bod itself).
The funny thing is, it’s not the explicit general description “attracted to damn near anything that’s female, and on very superficial grounds” that’s so far off.
Let’s say I’m coming up the steps from the subway and heading for work. Ooh, deliciously shaped persons ahead, two women there by the ticket machine. Mmmm, three more, a pair descending the stairs and another in front of me, yummy. By the time I get to work I’ve had this kind of experience maybe, I dunno, 15, 20, 30 times. World is positively full of very very appetizing female people.
OK, now I might not be specifically in the mood for sex right now (although I’m negotiable :))…but meanwhile let’s not make too fine a distinction either — when I am ready and fully in the mood and interested, any of these folks will do. I’m no prude: superficial appearance of that much salivationality is entirely sufficient reason to say “yes” to them.
And there lies the point of departure between me and the “men and sex” social legend.
If, hypothetically speaking, the world were such that, whenever I was in the mood, I could just step outside and walk around until I see one of those 20-every-three-minutes entirely-delicious women who are everywhere I go, catch her eye, say “Ummmm…you straight?”, and at least 50% of the time end up with the two of us hustling off to find somewhere to make out, well, that would work fine. Especially if I were being approached with similar interest a few times per week.
Instead, I live in a world where both legend and experience says women have a surplus of men who would be interested in sexing with them on the basis of “you look yummy” combined with a relative dearth of interest in casual sexing — whether it be because they’re wired more for needing deeper emotional connectedness or because any person who could pretty much have all the casual sex they want tends to become more picky about the person they’ll do it with or because the doublestandard has intimidated them away from overt slutification, or perhaps a combo of the three. So me finding any given one of those 15, 20, 30 women sexually attractive enough to bed is nothing special for her, and not likely to be reciprocated.
Therefore the experience I would have were I to come on as described to the next attractive woman I see would most likely not be pleasant. The “men and sex” legend says that what I do instead is mount a clever and complicated campaign to impress, amuse, fascinate, and seduce one of them. But…waitaminute…me finding any given one of those 15, 20, 30 women sexually attractive enough to bed is nothing special for me, either! Damn, if it’s going to involve actually interacting as a person, personalities, all that stuff, the fact that any given female is erotica personified to the glance completely fails to distinguish her from a very large pool of such deliciously-shaped people, and it’s completely irrelevant to whether or not she’s a likeable person or we’d hit it off, etc etc.
So why in the world would me having my eyeballs wired to my dick in any way lead me to mount any such campaign?
I’m simultaneously shy and a bit of a snob. Not the money or social-class kind of snob, or even an intellectual snob in the sense of IQ or education, just that I have a head full of thoughts and values and opinions which aren’t common run-of-the-mill default belief-system shit, and if I’m going to commune with people we’ve got to have stuff in common which means you can’t be too common, know what I mean? So even if I didn’t live in the world where women keep encountering these other guys doing this campaign thing, trying to pick them up, etc., I wouldn’t be very aggressive at the get-to-know-new-people thing. Add that element into the mix and heck no. So totally not happening. (And I just don’t grok my own gender, I don’t understand why my gut-level reaction isn’t shared by most other straight guys).
Probably more than anyone really wanted to know. Whatever.
However, I’m hampered a bit by being a spanko. I want a spanko partner, but she’s hard to find. For one thing, it’s a subject that has to be brought up very carefully. I absolutely wouldn’t force my kink on a woman, and I don’t want a woman who just “goes along with it” to make me happy. I want a woman who enjoys it the same way I do, so I’ll wait. I could resign myself to plain vanilla sex, but I would end up unfullfilled and unhappy.