Men and sex

All right. I’ve had it up to here with the expectation that every guy out there must be pulling out his dick and sticking it in anything female that moves, or he must be gay. Really sick of it.

I know it’s the accepted meme that once guys hit puberty they are unstopable sex machines until they can’t get it up any more (and now there’s drugs for that too!). If you’re not having sex, or trying to have sex, you’re either a huge loser or gay. Well, fuck that. I’m a 25 year old guy, and I like sex. With women. But, it’s usually not the first thing on my mind. I’ve had a handful of long-term relationships, which were very fulfilling physically. I dated a girl for two years in high school and we never had sex. Maybe I’m gay? Whatever it is, there must be something wrong with me, right?

Sometimes, I’m not thinking about sex. And, in fact, just mentioning sex or some hot woman isn’t enough to make me bust my zipper with desire. I’m not ready to ‘perform’ on a dime.

This is mildly prompted by this thread, and in particular this sentence:

(bolding mine)

Not everyone walks around with a hard on all the time. Why do we still assume that boys are always over-sexed. (by the way, I am not pitting you astro, just the society in which those who don’t fit the sexual mold are somehow broken).

A few months back I was flirting a bit with a woman who was very sexually forward. When I wasn’t responding in the right way (whatever that was) she asked if I was gay. Just joking, of course :rolleyes:

So is masculinity truly just about how many vaginas you pump your dick into? Really? I mean, come on! I can either get depressed and figure there really is something wrong with me, a 25 year old straight male who’s had only four sexual partners and gone at times for a year without sex at all and was kind of ok with it, or I can be pissed the fuck off that there are so many people and standards out there that have the balls to call my manhood into question time and time again for not being horny all the damned time.

Nope. There’s also cars and football.

…and beer.

Guns. Don’t forget guns.

Good points, Eonwe. You’re fighting ignorance here, and I respect that. While we’re at it, can we dispel the myths that men are all idiot man-children who need a woman or a kid to tell them what to do, and that men don’t have all the same feelings and emotions that women do? If I were a man, I suspect I would be pretty pissed off at all the negative stereotyping going on, too.

Loser :cool:

Actually, being undersexed is the problem and the cause of perpetual horniness.

Personally, I was more concerned with how often, not with how many. Although, variety is the spice of life. :smiley:

On preview:
featherlou, shhh. I like setting low expectations. Makes it easier to exceed them.

Ex-roomie and friend since we were four years old thought so. He also reckoned that consumption of alcohol defined one’s manliness. You probably know from several posts over the years that while I do drink alcohol and I enjoy it, I rarely have so much as a beer. Sometimes I’ll want a beer or even a glass of wine with dinner. But I can go for months without alcohol. But ‘BeelzeBob’ would ridicule me for my non-drinking. ‘Come on! Grow some nads! Have a drink!’ Well, one time after I kicked him out he came over with some vodka shooters. He was rather irritated that I had more of them then he had, and wasn’t even feeling a buzz while he was obviously intoxicated.

And he was one who would dip his wick in anything female. He could not understand that I want an emotional connection with women I sleep with. Okay, I’ll be honest: If I ran into someone and she wanted to boff, I’d do it. Hey, I’m a straight guy. But I’m not going to seek out such action. I’ve posted before about how I classify sex. There’s ‘fucking’, which is not at all satisfying; ‘having sex’, which is fun; and ‘making love’, which has a strong emotional component. For me it’s quality, not quantity.

You’re doing better than I am. I haven’t had any play since Christmas. Before that it was like seven years. And yes, it’s painful. It bugs the hell out of me. I hate being lonely and watching myself get older. I do not believe I will ever fall in love again. Just ain’t gonna happen. But that doesn’t make me ‘less manly’. I’m still a heterosexual male. But I’m not going to ‘fuck’ just because it’s expected of me. I’d rather be lonely than to go through the motions and remain unfulfilled.

FTR, I have a feeling that gay men have libidos just as strong as straight men, only with different targets.

I dunno. If couldn’t have made the occasional date with Rosie Palms and her five sisters during those dry spells, my head would likely have exploded in a megaton fashion. Sure, getting play doesn’t define manhood, but the urgent need to bust a nut now and then seems to come with the Y chromosome.

At my old job we had a training session on sexual harassment. (Ironically the one person in the department who really needed the training – not that he was a ‘pig’, but he was raised in a ‘masculine culture’ and didn’t know that his comments were wrong – was sick that day.) We watched some short videos showing how awful men are. There was one segment that showed a woman as the aggressor, and it was a rather weak segment. A couple of us pointed out that the videos showed unfair stereotyping of men. The HR person – a woman – putting on the presentation basically said that that’s because men are scum. :rolleyes:

I’m with you all the way here. I went through my college years in a strange relationship where I was only having sex during the summer. It didn’t bother me one bit, though for some reason other people thought I was strange. I’ve just learned to say fuck’em.

I’m not sure what the rant is about. Are you saying that teenage males aren’t, in general, constantly horny, or that there are some exceptions to the rule?

Given that the median age of losing virginity is 18, over half of the teenagers in high school are walking around with raging hormones and members of the opposite sex. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that most teenage guys could [del]jack off[/del] have sex at least once a day - not that they do - but that they wish they could.

I agree that the stereotype of “masculinity = adolescent-level horniness” is unwarranted, but I certainly argue the phenomenon is real. For the vast majority of teenage guys, if you’re not constantly horny, there’s probably something wrong with you. And the obvious assumption, from a middle-school level maturity, is that you’re “gay” … it’s just something that carries over from childhood.

Just about how many vaginas you pump? Absolutely not; that’s only an important *part * of being a man. There’s also drinking, smoking, brawling, cars, guns, motorcycles, money, belching,farting, and not dancing to consider. Until you have mastered all, you have mastered none and you are some manner of eunuch.

I think the key here is the difference between discriminatory males and nondiscriminatory males.
My husband is about as randy as they come and I haven’t noticed his libido slipping with age.
(Thank you, thank you penis gods)
However, when we first met, he was slow to put the sexual moves on me.
Because he was more interested in getting to really know me as a person than just getting laid.
When we been together for a good spell of time, I asked him his restraint and he laughed and said that his hand had been his best friend during that time but as horny as he got, he still wasn’t about to blow everything just for one night.

On the other hand, when I tended bar for a living, I noticed that, with a certain amount of alcohol in them, some of the men I knew would hit on just about any female that was still breathing at closing time.
Usually, much to their regret the next day.

drinking - check
smoking - check (in the past, not anymore)
brawling - check (in the past, not anymore)
cars - check
guns - nope
motorcycles - nope
money - doctorate
belching - check
farting - too often
not dancing - check

Thanks, Scumpup, now I have to turn in my card. Does that mean I get to stop paying dues?

You already know the answer to that question. When you return your card, include your genitals in a sealed zip-loc bag, please.

You’d stuck your dick in a gun? :eek:

So shocking, in fact, that I forgot how to spell!

I think that you are not actually reading what was written (and/or you may, indeed, be odd)

I was positively ancient before I had any sexual encounters and I certainly did not attempt to get into the sack with every girl I met. I was also not given over to getting erections at the mere thought or sight of a pretty woman or girl. That said, the thought of sex was pretty pervasive from the time I hit puberty until–well, it has not ended yet. It is not a raunchy “gotta get laid” thought perpetually running through my mind; It is not a matter of mentally undressing every woman I meet or “sizing them up” as partners. It is a constant stream of thoughts (appreciation seems to be the best word) regarding the female form, any time I encounter a woman, or a picture of a woman, or the voice of a woman, or in response to a number of other triggers. As a teen, who was struggling to figure out in my head what was going on in my body (and who got all the typical contradictory messages from social forces–including the sex-saturated media), the issue was very troubling, and its pervasive call on my consciousness did nothing to ease those troubles.

I don’t think astro was claiming that every male teenager walks around with a hard-on in search of a victim. I think he was expressing doubts that Rowling (who has done a reasonable job of getting inside Harry’s head in the first few books) will be able to continue that realism in the last book, or so. I would note that the last two books did a decent job of showing Harry’s confusion when encountering the female, but I would say she certainly left a lot of the thoughts I suspect Harry was really entertaining out of the book.

You’re right. I’m married with children. I’ll be paying dues for the rest of my life. ;j