Long post; sorry, but I hope it’s helpful in answering the OP.
Male here. Eight years teaching kindergarten, followed by eleven more at the first and second grade levels. (Disclaimer: I am not actually teaching this year; I am officially on leave from my school.) I work with this age because I truly connect with them. I don’t have any interest in teaching middle or high school, never have.
I have never been accused of doing anything rotten toward any of my students, boys or girls. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever think about the possibility; I do. It is absolutely true that the merest breath of impropriety can destroy a career, and nineteen years of building a stellar (if I say so myself) reputation at my school does not in any way give me immunity. So I am very careful; I have pretty clear guidelines for myself that specify what’s okay and what’s not so okay. Sometimes they seem to make a lot of sense. Other times–well, I’m not so sure.
For instance, I’ll gently drape an arm around a child (these are kids; they need and like human contact), but I won’t take a child into my lap (too open to misinterpretation). On the other hand, if a kid asks for a lap, I’ll usually allow it (and some might say I shouldn’t). Hugs–I’ll hug kids who seem to want and need hugs, but I do my best to make sure the hugs are relatively quick, that my hands and arms are obviously up near the neck and back of the shoulders, and that there is nothing remotely secretive about the action–lots of kids around, preferably an adult or two; witnesses. Not that I really think it’ll be misinterpreted. I have good rapport with kids and parents. Still, I believe it’s best to be as safe as possible.
So the year I had a teaching space with one large room and a smaller adjoining room, I kept the door open at all times whenever I was in the smaller room with students. So I favor an open look to the room; not too many spaces where a kid and an abusive teacher could engage in secret hanky-panky. A long time ago, I used to give out pretend birthday “spanks,” one for each year. The kids loved it, but I stopped doing it very early on–too dangerous. And to the extent it is possible, kids who need to change their pants for any reason (there are lots in first grade) REALLY have to do it on their own.
My female colleagues do behave somewhat differently. They’re much less concerned, I think, with hugs and laps and possible issues of privacy.
Most of the time it is really not a big issue. The stuff I listed above is mostly second nature to me now; I ‘just do it.’ All the same, once in a while something comes up that makes me aware of the potential for trouble–and reminds me of what I lose by being sensible and careful. Like the time when a family said their daughter thought I was cold. “She’d like to sit on your lap,” they said, “but you don’t invite her to.” They were right; I didn’t. I didn’t see how I could.
Although, once in a while, compassion has to trump caution. I remember a just-turned-six-year-old girl who moped half the morning one day. At recess time I was getting the kids out onto the playground and she asked if she could ask me a question. Sure, I said; just wait till everybody’s ready to go, and then hang back a moment. Turned out her beloved grandfather had gone into the hospital that morning.
What did I do? I thought then–still think–that there was only one possible response, only one human thing to do. I hugged her, and I took her in my lap, and I used touch as well as soothing words and listening ears to comfort her. In some sense I know I was lucky not to have lost my job; in some sense I know it was stupid. But I don’t see how I could have done anything else.