Or, as mhendo alluded, her experience is a testament to the strength of societal roles. It’s very easy to go along with cultural expectations of what it means to be a woman. And never question it until later in life.
I’m only one data point, but here’s how it worked for me. I spent my life from childhood to my mid-thirties acting in the traditional female role that society expected of me. I liked dating men, enjoyed their company, but I didn’t have a clue what all those love songs were about – I’d never felt it. Probably because I kept looking for it with men, not women.
It never even occurred to me that I might be attracted to women. Seriously! I lived for years and years like I expected that I should live, even in my own head. Mind you, this was true across the gamut of my existence. It took a major depression and a bunch of therapy to come to the realization that I could be me. That I could be who I am, think what I think, believe what I believe, and behave how I want to behave. It honestly never really occurred to me before. (I don’t think this is entirely unusual for women, quite frankly.) Realizing my sexuality was just one small part of figuring out that I could be true to myself and not some external role.
Looking back, I see clearly now how I had repeated infatuations with women. I kept scrapbooks of pictures of women and adored women on TV shows (Stephanie Powers, anyone?!). Back then, I believed (quite honestly) that I just looked up to them, wanted to be like them – but not that I wanted them, sexually speaking. But yeah, since I’ve been paying attention, I realize that I am worse than the dirtiest old man at ogling boobs. Love me some boobs!
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. So, that’s how it was possible for me not to even realize that I was a lesbian until my mid-thirties.
p.s. Forgot to mention that a lot of women don’t really expect sex to be all that mind-blowing. So it’s easy to dismiss the fact that the sex you just had with a man was just “eh.”
Everett was not an A-list star when he came out. He showed early promise in Another Country, but his next several roles were a mixed bag at best. Nevertheless, he has landed a number of high-profile roles since coming out in 1989.
The saddest part was when she was finished and Matt Lauer said “I am so glad it’s working out for you… okay, I’ll have the apple pie with a slice of cheddar and a cinnamon latte. Al, what are you having? And leave Meredith a good tip.”
This explains why she and George Takei never made a love connection.
This story about the interview has links to two previous stories with similar comments by Everett. He certainly seems to relish taking a rather contrarian stance to most of the rest of the LGBT community. Or, really, shooting his mouth off with any number of bizarre, unpopular sentiments.
I’ve been researching Oscar Wilde recently and was surprised to learn that prior to his marriage and his wife’s pregnancy with their second child he’s not believed to have had any homosexual affairs aside from, perhaps, some experimentation in boys school and college (which was hardly unusual in all boys schools). Most biographers believe the first real homosexual affair he had was with Robbie Ross when Wilde was in his 30s and Ross in his late teens (and by Ross’s own almost gloating admission it was he who seduced Oscar, though Oscar hit the ground running).
The reason for mentioning is that it’s far from likely Wilde had no homosexual impulses before. Certainly Dorian Gray- though published about 3 or 4 years after the Wilde-Ross affair began- is a homoerotic jungle, which Ross may have unlocked but certainly didn’t create. However, he probably did not act upon them and may not have recognized them for what they were- i.e. they weren’t just an appreciation of the aesthetic beauty of the male form.
IMPO- as somebody who isn’t and doesn’t consider himself to be an expert on human sexuality- I’ve always believed that female sexuality is in general incomparably more complex than male sexuality. A working penis is- to borrow from ANGELS IN AMERICA- ‘a rather unfailing barometer’ of what we find sexually desirable, while women don’t have anything quite so blunt. I’ve known very few male bisexuals- self professed or otherwise- they do exist but they’re not that common and many who claim to be seem to fit in the “gay but wants the social acceptability of a heterosexual relationship” type- I used to consider myself a bisexual who just wasn’t attracted to women [save one or two in special circumstances over the years]). I’ve known several women though who’ll date Abe one day, Bea the next, then Chuck for a while and then Della, and they’ve all claimed that being with a man and being with a woman are extraordinarily different experiences each offering something the other can’t.
I’d doubt that Meredith is fully homosexual but more likely bisexual with a homosexual preference. I just don’t think she’d have slept with as many men over the years as she has (not sure how many that is but she’s married 3 and had relationships with others) were she fully gay, and she says that even when playing a lesbian in a movie she saw no connection to herself, so I think it’s a late in life discovery. It’s not a choice so much as finally recognizing something that was always there and at this particular time of her life what she’s getting from her girlfriend satisfies her far more emotionally and or physically than what she’d get from a man. Best of luck to her (though I’ll admit I never once wondered whether she was gay, straight, or bi- I just think of her as the woman who’s died of every known disease on LIFETIME and an 80s Trivial Pursuit answer).
So my guess for next married 80s star to come out: Nancy McKeon.
Rupert Everett IS a big actor in England. The reason you’ve heard him before on this subject is because, as an openly gay British actor (and for many years the only one), he is the only one English reporters come to when they want commentary on gay actors. His career may have suffered for his coming out, as there’s no way to know how he would have done had he not. He came out just 4 years after his break-out role in Another Country. Calling his career “hit-and-miss” is a cheap shot, and exactly why the press publicizing more gay actors is a good thing.
You cannot name “dozens” of openly gay screen actors. Stage actors, maybe, and stage-crossovers, but the number of openly gay screen actors is much smaller than you might realize, notwithstanding all the recent Neil Patrick Harris and T.R. Knight publicity. Who else springs to mind? David Hyde Pierce? Richard Chamberlain? Any current leading men? There are gay actors who live their lives in the open without publicly announcing their sexuality, but still not that many, and few, if any, A-listers. Most who have come out are quite old and long past fearing losing leading man roles.
Here’s a challenge: Try coming up with 12 self-acknowledged gay current screen actors without searching the web or asking for help.
Sorry, I was trying to specify male actors. I wasn’t very clear. That makes your list (not counting the cheating):
Rupert Everett
Neil Patrick Harris
T.R. Knight
David Hyde Pierce
Ian McKellan
Alan Cumming
Nathan Lane
B.D. Wong
George Takei
That’s nine, and you would have come up with Harvey Fierstein, and maybe Stephen Fry, given a litte more time, probably. There just aren’t that many openly gay (male) actors yet, and certainly not leading men, although I could certainly see Everett, Harris, or Wong in that capacity. There are a few other openly gay actors that come to mind, but they only came out after their careers were pretty much over (Richard Chamberlain, for one.)
But none of those actors (aside from Everett’s constant bitching) are hurting for work are they? They may not be “leading men”, but how many leading men are there? Speaking specifically of Harris and Wong…
NPH has had a huge career resurgance lately and he is doing a dozen different things at once. If he announced “I’m quitting HIMYM and doing movies” tomorrow, he’d have a dozen offers waiting for him (and millions of pissed off HIMYM fans). B.D. Wong has starred on Law and Order: SVU for the last ten years and is an integral part of the cast.
For many actors, a steady paycheck on a successful TV show is a great thing.
I am a child of the 80’s and grew up watching MBB on Family Ties. I wasn’t aware she was so prolific in the 70’s so maybe she is not as Z-list as I thought.
My general point though still stands. Should this be front page news every time someone in Hollywood, particularly someone as currently irrelevant as MB, comes out as gay?
MB’s fanbase, judging from her most recent oeuvres, seems to be baby boomers, most of whom are careening right into their 60s, if they’re not already there. She’s also popular with middle Americans, some of whom are quite conservative.
Coming out was quite a good step, I think. She’s “safe” and well-regarded, kind of like an older Ellen DeGeneres. She’s the best friend who will come over for a kaffeeklatch. Instead of staying in the closet and claiming her partner is “just a friend”, she chose to confront the rumors and tell the truth.
I always get/got Family Ties and Growing Pains mixed up.
For a minute there, I was thinking she was the mom on Growing Pains, which gave me secret pleasure at having Kirk Cameron’s head asplode at the thought of him sharing screentime with a homosexual.
