Merry Rapturemas!

[RIGHT]“But of that day and [that] hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father.” – Mark 13:32[/RIGHT]

In honor of this auspicious occasion, I propose a new holiday: Rapturemas will fall every May 21, unless someone predicts the glorious event sooner that year.

It will be celebrated by doing something we don’t do often enough in this country: Listening. We’ll listen to all of the people who have predictions about the blessed event, all of those who had predictions about the blessed event occurring in the past, and all those who predict it occurring in the future. We listen to them, meditate upon their wisdom, and come to our own conclusions about the veracity of their statements and the worth of their beliefs.

Or, you know, get drunk until we think we’ve been raptured, and then go through a Tribulation the next morning.

Great idea!! But you left out the part that comes after the Listening & before the Drinking …

The Jeering.

We need lots and lots of jeering. So these fools remember to never ever admit in public again how bloody stupid and ignorant they are. And they’ll know that it’s totally socially unacceptable to teach of this crap unto their offspring.

I don’t think I need to make the jeering an explicit part of the celebration; it’s the kind of thing that happens entirely of its own accord.