“Irrational?” To think that a kid might be hurt to find out that his mommy is the town pump? Yeah, what a crazy, implausible notion. You really are a moron sometimes.
I’ve known people who were shamed and humiliated by:
- Having parents who were divorced
- Having parents who were still married (everyone ELSE’S parents were divorced)
- Having a gay parent
- Having a parent who worked as a janitor/maid/waitress
- Having a mentally challenged parent
- Having a mentally challenged sibling
- A divorced parent having a considerably younger SO
- A divorced parent having a considerably older SO
- A family who were religious fanatics
Meanwhile, when anyone under the age of 18 I’ve known has thought about their parents having sex AT ALL, it evinced an immediate, “Ewwww, I don’t even want to THINK about that” and a rapid change of subject. Except once: a girl I know found her parents’ stash of porn…and vibrators. Some were oddly shaped. The verdict? “Dude, your parents are WEIRD.” “Don’t I fucking know it, I just hope it’s not genetic.” AND THAT WAS IT.
I think your worry for the delicate mental health of children whose parents don’t have standard sex lives is pretty far out of proportion.
I prefer to reduce the risks that my son will feel shamed and humilated over any sex he hears about by not teaching him that sex is shameful. I know, I’m a radical. :rolleyes:
Wow. That’s enlightening. Did you really say that?
You might want to petition to make that a sticky. “Members may only engage in discussions in which they have direct personal experience.” It should really cut down on the trafic and speed the board way the hell up.
None of that is comparable. At all.
Okay, why not? At least two of them involve parents making a LIFESTYLE CHOICE which SHAMES AND HUMILIATES the children.
Yeah, that’ll work. He’ll be just dandy.
Which two? Having a parent marry someone who is considerably younger or older? I guess that can be mildly embarrassing but still not in the same ballpark.
The denial in this thread is fucking staggering. I call bullshit on all of it. Do you people have any fucking boundaries at all? What if mommy was a prostitute? Any problems there? Or should prostitute mommy just tell Junior that it isn’t shameful?
I was going to bring this up. There are nuances within a parent-child relationship that are the basis of what trust is built on. These signals fly back and forth without either party even being aware that it’s happening. You build that up over time. While a kid might be shocked, surprised, etc. over the news that his parents are poly, to assume that the kid would feel threatened by that news is assuming a lot. If the kid feels loved and respected, it won’t be devastating to learn that mom and dad are a little different than other parents.
Also, where is it written that a kid even needs to know this information? YOu can be poly without sharing a household. If that’s the case, it’s no one’s business but the adults in the situation.
It’s just been my experience that people who don’t have kids rarely have any idea what they’re talking about when it comes to parenting issues. They always think they do but they don’t. You never really know what you would do as a parent until you are one. Do I think it should be against the rules to spout off in ignorance? No, but I can still let them know that their information isn’t useful.
WHY NO, MOM AND DAD SHOULD BOTH BE FUCKING ALL COMERS ON THE ROOF, SURROUNDED BY CHRISTMAS LIGHTS AND NEON, WITH “FREAKS OF THE INDUSTRY” PLAYING AT TOP VOLUME. THAT IS ABSOLUTELY ACCEPTABLE, WHY YES YES!
You know what? Mom and Dad sometimes boning other people is a thing that happens in their own house, and which the kid can choose to discuss or NOT discuss with friends. Dad showing up to a school concert with Traci, who turned legal just in time to marry him in March, is total fucking public humiliation.
Also, how come Mommy is always the big sinner in your world? How come Mommy is the prostitute who is fucking all the neighbors during “Spongebob?” How come Daddy isn’t dragging sweet little things into HIS Lair of Degredation and Humiliation?
If anyone has issues in this thread, Dio, you top the list.
Dio, can you believe that not everyone is as horrifically scandalized by the evil SEEEEEEHHHHHHHXXXXXXXX as you are? I thought you were an atheist. Where are you getting all this Puritanical hyperbole?
You think none of those other situations are comparable because you think having a lot of sex is like doing a lot of meth, as the OP does. You don’t assign moral value to the things mentioned. (You previously claimed you didn’t assign moral value to having a lot of sex, either, though you very obviously do.) So you conclude ‘Aha, no shame for those kids!’ But that’s obviously irrational. Are you saying no kids have ever felt shame over any of those things listed? Why the hell would you insist so hysterically upon the shame they’d feel over this, but just dismiss that huge list completely offhand?
The only conclusion is that you have some personal hangup. So what I want to know is why? Where is this coming from? Did you have a bad experience with a woman who liked to have a lot of sex?
Sure, it’s just as bad for daddy to be a skank. And I guess it could be just as humiliating for daddy to go running around with the babysitter as it would be to find out that mommy secretly likes to get DPed by little league coaches, but just because other things can be equally humiliating, disorienting or shaming doesn’t mean that it’s therefore OK to do things that could potentially be humiliating, disorienting or shaming – especially when the pursuit of those activities is about nothing but superficial gratification.
I don’t have any “moral” problems with sex of any kind, that’s not where I’m coming from. It’s about priorities, not morality. I don’t think there’s anything immoral about prostitution and I think it should be legal. That doesn’t mean it’s a great choice for a PARENT. If no kids are involved, it doesn’t matter what you do. But once you become a parent, you need to place their emotional needs ahead of your hobbies.
Unless they’re hobbies like skydiving or bungee jumping or whitewater rafting or racing. Those are all right because, even though they’re dangerous and you could die, leaving your child with only one parent or, worse yet, parentless, AT LEAST THEY ARE NOT SHAMEFUL SEX ACTS.
Actually, no, I wouldn’t say those are great choices either.
The poly posters in these threads specifically said it was anything but superficial. Does that change your stance on the issue?
But that’s not what you said, is it? You said she had no business discussing it. Isn’t that a bit of an ad hominum attack?
Serious question. Are there any other discussions, besides those about parenting, that folks should stay out of if they do not have direct experience?
100% agreement. The word ‘hobby’ might be a bad choice. How about something stronger, like “you should place their emotional needs above yours.”
Atheism is a great example of something that you need to be discrete about, teach your kids to be discrete about, otherwise your kids may find themselves in an awkward situation at school.
Likewise, polyamorous arrangements you are discrete about. Its possible your kids NEED NEVER KNOW. After all, I’m forty and the only proof I have that my parents have ever had sex is myself and my sisters…and my father occationally patting my mother on the backside. Its completely possible (if highly unlikely) that the yearly trip they take every year with friends to their cabin involves spouse swaps - I would’t know. Its possible that once we moved out of the house, they took the handcuffs and harnesses out of storage. I wouldn’t know. I’m failing to see how my parent’s sex life is any of my business.
While it may be true that its difficult to pull off a healthy poly relationship (not impossible), there isn’t any reason to believe that in a healthy poly relationship what is going on is that the kids are being exposed to orgies and being told to “go play outside.” Its completely possible - and I’d guess likely - that if you aren’t talking about a group marriage you are talking about sex that isn’t happening inside the home. And, if you aren’t talking about swingers - if you are talking about what WhyNot or Hama is describing, you aren’t talking about a lot of additional partners, only people you connect with.
One of my good friends is in a relationship that I suspect is open, but despite knowing her very well for years and years and years, I don’t KNOW that - since she isn’t having sex with me, it really isn’t my business. And, I suspect she isn’t having sex in her home with anyone other than her husband - all my suspicions are around travel.
(By the way, this is ookie to me - I’m a monogamous girl who had a quasi open relationship with my first husband in the interest of keeping him happy (didn’t work). But I’ve seen this work - and I’ve seen it blow up big. I’ve also seen traditional monogomous relationships blow up big)
So again, then, Dio, if this is just a matter of “the child’s emotional needs”, how can you excuse the huge list of other things that might cause a child to have social trouble or emotional distress? Divorce, for instance, is an example from the list which you can’t excuse away by saying it’s something the parent can’t help, like being gay. Are you also against divorce?