I have been consumed by an intermittent obsession for about 10 years. Every so often I MUST get to the bottom of it, then it subsides for 6 or 7 months until the next new restaurant opens. Here is the thing, I have been to dozens of Mexican restaurants in many cities all over the midwest. Most of them are different in name only and I think that about 90% of them have far too much in common for it to be mere coincidence.
Nobody seems to agree with me so I am searching here for either an answer to this conspiracy or at least in the hope of finding some fellow conspiracy theorists. My friends and family just think I’m crazy and roundly dismiss the similarities I find so frustratingly obvious. I will concede that to some extent enchilada A is going to bear at least a passing resemblance to enchilada B, etc. The decor of most of these establishments is equally unvaried, but I will concede that a few sombreros and maracas on the walls do not exactly make my case.
If you’ve been to one of these restaurants here are some things you might have noticed. I have found them to be universally true in literally dozens of places all over the midwest.
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Each restaurant has a lunch menu selection called the Speedy Gonzales. The Speedy Gonzales always consists of a taco, an enchilada, and rice or beans.
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Each restaurant also has on it’s menu an eponymous dinner, for example; La Hacienda Dinner. It is always an enormous amount of food and arrives at your table on 3 or 4 plates.
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Each restaurant also has a ridiculous number of combinations. Usually around 20 or so, each a slight variation of the others. It’s mind boggling, I don’t even look at them. I’ll order a la carte instead.
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Each restaurant has an employee who delivers chips and salsa to your table. This appears to be said employees sole responsibility.
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A waiter(seldom a waitress) then takes your order.
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An entirely different person conveys your food to your table. Your plates are precariously perched on the servers arm, which is clad in a full length oven mitt. This appears to me to be an incredible feat.
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On any given night you are very likely to see the restaurant’s employees place a sombrero on a patron’s head and gather around to sing what is apparently a traditional Mexican birthday song.
That’s all I can think of right now, I’m sure I’m leaving something out. I should add that I do not at all dislike the food served by these places. I do not consider it all that authentic but it is good, especially the Chili Verde. What I do not like is the fact that they are a dime a dozen. In my town I could drive in any direction and arrive at one in 5 minutes. There are even areas with an outlandish concentration of nearly identical restaurants. What really bothers me is when I visit friends in other cities and we visit “their” Mexican restaurant. After listening to them talk it up for hours I am not even surprised or disappointed anymore when we get there and I find the same old thing.
Anybody else out there? Care to commiserate? Surely someone must know what I’m talking about.